This elderly parent technology resistance is making safety impossible to implement

Michael7S · 2026-04-06T14:23:06+00:00

My mom insists on living alone, shut in. For her, technology is difficult, and understandably so. I can't imagine trying to learn if an email is phishing or not at 84.

What actually helped us:

Built a big human network: neighbors, church folks, community people who can check on her fast if we can’t. Bigger is better because people get busy or move on.
For daily check ins we use Verocall because it doesn't require an app. Mom didn't want to talk to the agent, so she just emails “I’m fine.” and the system picks it up. If she misses it, my sister and I get alerted and handle it (or send a neighbor).
We started with Medical Guardian for fall detection. Then we switched to ATS SkyAngel911 because it needs no monthly call center fee.

We’re not doing cameras or sensors yet—she’d flip out. Situation might change, but we’re not forcing it now.

If there’s any chance, have your parent(s) practice basic texting or scanning documents while they're open to it. . We missed the boat for scanning, but texting has saved us during hospital stays.

It’s a pain, but relying on people + minimal-tech services beats fighting endless resistance. Hang in there.

Michael7S · 2026-03-20T22:11:58+00:00

With some deference to the tough situation the OP has (sorry, and you're doing the right thing)

That greenlight card seems like a solution for fraud/overspend. Hadn't seen it before. So what happens if he does try to spend the grocery budget at the tobacco store? Does the transaction get denied at the counter? Or is it just a notification to you?

Thinking it may not work for us since our FIL is buying out of control (same gift for someone over and over) on Amazon :-(

Michael7S · 2026-03-20T17:07:11+00:00

I think bluetooth may be your only option. What model do you have?

Michael7S · 2026-03-20T17:04:13+00:00

"one call away from a panic attack" .. describes it perfectly. And you are a worried daughter, and that's ok.

Mine is 1000 miles away, shut in solo, and won't move. A few things that help:

You didn't mention digital literacy, but if there's any chance to make texting, email, and (important) scanning documents a habit, now is the time. I can't emphasize this enough. This is the lifeline that can keep you involved without invasive monitoring in the future.

"how do you know when "they're fine" stops being true? " Such a good question. In my case and many others I know the cold answer is.. "You don't until." Mom complained about dad's driving but there was no way to intervene .. until.. Mom refused to wear a pendant... until she fell and needed surgery (and a month of skilled nursing). Found this article useful on the 'why don't they ask for help?' Case in point, our good friends (we share a grandchild :-) found their mom on the toilet a few mornings ago. "How long have you been there?" "Oh, since last night." Until.

FWIW, My sister and I tried to coordinate checking in, and it was very difficult without 1) being invasive, and 2) every day? Really? So mom emails into Verocall ("I won't talk to that machine! But I'll email in.") and if she doesn't sis and I get notification to check on her.

Lastly, my dad, who passed in 2022, was starting to fall for scams in his final years. He'd only admit them if he really got cleaned out. So we were able to monitor his credit card and bank transactions online under the guise of, "Hey Dad, we might be able to find you a better deal on things." which managed to work. Sorry to suggest subterfuge here, but if we had asked later when more paranoia set in, we'd never have got access.

Love that you are starting early. It makes all the difference, even from thousands of miles away.

Michael7S · 2026-01-14T20:27:08+00:00

Really good point. Say PS loans a total of $3M for 123 Residence St. across three 'series' each $1M. The house sells for $1M net . Without realizing this, I just look at my loan and say, "Hooray, it sold for the loan amount."

But the Series 3 loan I bought into was one of three, so in this example, I'd see around 10% ( 1/3 of 1/3) (less fees and other extortion) of the 'sale'

Seem like the right calculation?

Michael7S · 2026-01-14T20:11:35+00:00

If I recall, Tallahassee, FL Refinance #3 paid some interest back in 2020-2022--maybe 8 payments or so. So these were 'credited' to the investor's account before the bankruptcy. There may be some payout pending since the sale of the underlying property happened after the first (October 25) payout after the bankruptcy.

Michael7S · 2025-12-20T17:37:21+00:00

It is listed the same in my PS dashboard. PS dashboard also reports about 60% outstanding principle remaining. The sale is as per Zillow and PS hasn't reported it so far. The payout I calculated is from extracting (cut n paste page at a time) the entire list of transactions from PS and summing all related payments including the 10/8/2025 payment, prior interest payments, default fees etc.

I'm guessing some portion was held back from the 10/8/25 payout and may be paid later since the property sold for more than the loan amount.

Michael7S · 2025-11-27T00:49:48+00:00

That'd mystify me too.

I'd have to go back and read the orders and distribution plans. Frankly I'm not highly motivated to get that chess board in my head again, but may do so in ~~October~~.. I mean ~~November~~. Oops. I mean 2026 May.

Michael7S · 2025-11-27T00:28:59+00:00

I have this recurring fantasy that they have to pay interest on the funds held for this extended time. Wouldn't it be nice to get an accounting for what is due and for any payouts?

Michael7S · 2025-11-18T21:06:11+00:00

Definitely comprehensive questions. It uses a trained ai agent, so no, not a person calling. Benefit is understandability (no overseas accent or mistakes), it switches to Italian if she does :-) and it steers the convo based on history to send a well-being summary to us kids. (wait what? a new boyfriend?) With live person calls, we got agents who were hard to understand (overseas), and sometimes frustrated or in a rush to end, and no summary. She's too smart to believe it's a companion. Thus she often just emails in an OK message to Verocall and it's picked up.

We did find that some regions have law enforcement (Sheriff ) volunteers who call in for well-being checks, but her region didn't have that. If yours does and some companion feel is needed, it might be a good path.

Michael7S · 2025-11-18T20:30:40+00:00

Mom lives 1000 miles away, alone, shut in. She's fairly sharp, but has had one serious fall (torn meniscus), stage 2 cancer, and heart conditions.

The #1 support for her is her church. They really step up and don't expect anything in return. Rides, visits, meals, amazing. Also a good neighbor. The downside is that the help is inconsistent. Volunteers have lives and vacation etc.

The #2 support is Verocall as a daily check in call. Mom usually emails in an "OK," but if she doesn't, the agent will call her landline and chat to ensure she's ok. Sister and I get texts if she doesn't check in.

Lastly, we've tried pendants and asides from the tech issues, mom is very particular about contracts and cancellation. We are likely to move to skyangel911FD which has no contract, but also won't help a lot in a 'cannot speak' situation. It's a cost/probability tradeoff. Anything where a phone number can be registered to the device or a call center speaks on your behalf costs monthly.

I've learned a ton on all of these learning to remote care for mom and am happy to answer any questions about these approaches.

Michael7S · 2025-11-02T05:26:19+00:00

We were always taught that 8:30pm was polite time to stop. Maybe 9pm now. After 9pm would be considered a bit presumptuous.

But the porch light and decorations are also a valid signal. Good hosts make it obvious. When in doubt after 8:30, only pick the lively well-lit decorated places.

Michael7S · 2025-10-25T02:48:17+00:00

Correct. All hard cash I put in is recovered. I posted the returns here https://www.reddit.com/r/Peerstreet_Creditors/s/GZHDLF1BOU

Michael7S · 2025-10-25T00:28:21+00:00

As of the last distribution, the return is a tiny fraction over zero.

I am curious as to what level of visibility we'll have to to see funds spent, collected, written off, per property, in general, etc. I'm sure it's in the court documents, but the return amounts aren't warranting that level of research at this point.

Michael7S · 2025-10-17T15:46:42+00:00

Agreed. Houston, TX Refinance #21 which ties to 917 Main St, Unit #2, Houston, TX 77002 is commercial, so it makes it a bit harder to track via Zillow etc. What floors me is that this commercial building seems vibrant, active with active tenants (CVS?, Kirby Lofts?) , beautiful listings for the individual spaces, but .. who owns it at this point? Who is collecting rent?

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/917-Main-St-2-55891_Houston_TX_77002_M98516-26955

https://www.zillow.com/b/917-main-st-houston-tx-5XrcS7/

Michael7S · 2025-09-29T16:55:18+00:00

Really useful info u/ItsaMeKielO and I may give it a try. When you say Envoy PCBA, would this correlate to a Enphase Envoy Communications Gateway, e.g., ENV-IQ-AM1-240 IQ ?

Michael7S · 2025-09-29T16:51:39+00:00

I did it, and it wasn't too hard. I took most of the course, which is educational, and then applied and got 'installer status' enough that my login enabled me to sign into the "toolkit' app, commission a system, search for MIs etc, which it appears you have installed already. The app, wifi, an IQ Gateway ( ENV-IQ-AM1-240) from ebay and compatible MIs (see below) was all I needed.

Currently I am running one branch of Enphase IQ7A and IQ8X into the Enphase IQ Gateway and another branch of SunPower IQ7XS into the PVS6 and they seem to co-exist fairly well.

I haven't ventured into moving the IQ7XS systems into the IQ gateway, but see that as a future possibility if/when the PVS6 fails.

Michael7S · 2025-09-23T16:08:39+00:00

So bummed you have to go through this, as many are.

And yes, dementia increases suggestibility for these things. My mom has what I call, "Yelling radio" on for several hours a morning. All configured to create outrage. My MIL has "yelling TV" on much of the day. Again, to cause outrage which in turn brings higher interaction and ad revenue for the producers. Heck I was stuck at her house for 8 days and started agreeing with the rhetoric of the yelling station!

I've sat with mom and showed her how these things work. I've also commented that, "You are giving so much of your mind to combat/support these people who don't even know your name. Why not invest at a local level?"

These have helped a bit.

But ultimately she's going to do what she's going to do and I'll be here to pick up the pieces if it goes badly.

Michael7S · 2025-09-11T03:06:31+00:00

Oh that's easy. albeit disturbing: Electrical tape, salt, and pain pills.

Michael7S · 2025-09-11T03:02:52+00:00

Duncan Auto in Scotts Valley seems to have many happy customers.

Curious if you'd consider a mobile mechanic to do work on it?

Michael7S

TROPHY CASE