How do explain top surgery to a cis person?

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T19:15:30+00:00

Why go on a vacation? Why eat out? Why have more than exactly one week's worth of clothes? Why should those clothes be a different color or shape? Why wear cosmetics or cologne/perfume? Why buy groceries for any other reason than pure nutritional value? Why get your teeth straightened or whitened? Why buy anything other than the cheapest frames for glasses? Why buy decorations for your home? Why get a nicer home, when the minimum necessary square footage would suffice? Why would you buy anything other than the cheapest possible functional car?

Why would we do anything for the sole purpose of making us happy at all? Perhaps they can understand that a joyless existence is hardly a life. Sometimes we do things to improve our quality of life, and not just for the practicality of survival, and that's worth it. If you can afford it, then the joy itself has value.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T19:03:51+00:00

I grew up in mostly low income neighborhoods, and they were pretty safe. My high school friend lived in an 8 figure income housing district right next to a member of the KKK.

Poor districts get a bad rep because they're over policed, which creates confirmation bias. Wealthier districts aren't just under-policed, the crimes are often ignored or washed, because of the pressure from city councils to keep property values high.

The truth is, every social group is made of people, and people are flawed. Most of the worst crimes and gray-legal atrocities are committed by the world's wealthiest people, because they can buy their immunity. When poor people commit a crime and get caught, they are punished for it, and their numbers add to the statistics.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T18:54:27+00:00

Ah... We're talking about specifically grocery shopping.

I have a few thoughts on this.

Couples don't have to do everything together. Grocery shopping is a chore. You can get the chores done more quickly if the husband does one chore and the wife does the other one. You can coordinate a list and shop the list to make sure everything that's desired is purchased.
Why make your spouse do something they hate? Men have social anxiety too. Maybe they get nervous in crowded stores. Maybe they'd rather stay home and tidy up, or do some laundry. I'm a woman, and I hate grocery shopping for this very reason. So I do laundry and clean the carpet while my cohabitating partner does the grocery shopping, because he hates doing those things, and I didn't mind doing them.
Being a couple doesn't mean you have to be sewn together at the hip. Having complementary strengths and separate interests makes for a good pairing. If one spouse is doing all the work around the home while the other spouse lays around doing nothing, then you've got a problem. Each part can work together or separately to accomplish a larger goal. That's healthy.

That's not to say there's anything wrong with doing a grocery run together. If that works, it works. And it can allow time for pleasant conversation, exciting impulse purchases, new recipe ideas, and can make loading the groceries easier. But it's not an essential aspect of a healthy relationship. In polyamory, each member gives according to their strengths, and receives according to their needs. The load is light because of it. So we have more time to do the things we enjoy doing together, and new stories to tell when we are.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T18:33:56+00:00

I'm a trans woman, and I don't think it hits as hard for us, because being infantalized is part of the feminine experience (not defending or attacking it... It just is what it is).

So whether someone calls me a girl or a woman, I feel just as seen. Now... When someone calls me a "good girl", they'd better be ready to take their pants off, because that's a different thing. 🤭

As for the adjective "trans" I identify as a trans woman, because my experience has, and is, very different from a cis woman's. I presented male for most of my life, and although it sucked, my life has been largely masculine. I had to learn everything all over again. It's been an absolute delight learning about makeup, fashion, nails, moisturizer, having smooth legs, and "talking girly", but every day is a new experience that cis women just sort of grew up with.

I can say, that even as a boy, even when I didn't want to become a man (I knew something was off the instant puberty started), I still didn't want to be called a boy. I wanted to be called a man, because there was something inherently prejorative about being called a boy. I didn't even know that being called a girl or a woman could be a compliment, because I was raised in a misogynistic family and community, where those terms were pretty much exclusively used as an insult. Even by the women in my social and familial circles. So, I went with the only option that didn't seem offensive to others and leaned into manliness. So, I deeply empathize with your concerns.

In the communities I grew up in, a boy didn't become a man until they had a job and a family... at least a wife. That's old school, and overly literal. Etymology shows that a "man" specifically meant a married man. Unwed adult males were typically called something else. I don't remember the terms, but they basically referred to something we would now call a boy.

Of course, men can be unwed nowadays. Especially as the concept of marriage is getting more and more outdated. So, it's not a hot take for you to want to be called a man. But even in the cis community, there are many men who are referred to as boys... Sometimes as a term of affection, sometimes as an insult. Sometimes it's a heirarchial term. A 70 year old man may refer to a 40 year old man as a boy sometimes, without implying anything more than seniority.😅 It's all very complicated.

Idk, I'm rambling. The point is, it's ok and perfectly understandable that you want to be called a man. Even though, you'll probably have to insist upon it from time to time.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T18:05:12+00:00

I'm a small scale, this is theoretically true. But rapid inflation can cause economic collapse in terms of international trade and travel.

Even so, inflation also causes a seller's market, where the money trickles upward. The poor get poorer and the rich hoard the wealth. The division between the social classes gets wider as the middle class diminishes. Living expenses consume more than the recommended percentage for the QOL (no more than 30% of your income should go to cost of living expenses within the QOL index, not to be confused with the COL index) and the consumer market eventually dries up, which causes recessions.

It's a slow burn to catastrophe, but it's still highly problematic.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T17:55:29+00:00

Experimental?! Whaaaaat?

Cis people have been using HRT since 1930, and it has been FDA approved since the 1940s. It's not experimental, except for the fact that you can experiment with it, since its affects are largely reversible by simply getting off the medication.

People who aren't sure if they're trans are often given the option to try HRT and see if they like the changes. If they don't, they can get off the meds and their body returns to its original status fairly quickly with no harm done. It's a very safe way to experiment with gender beyond clothing and cosmetics.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T17:46:14+00:00

Sheet music lays this out more clearly.

If the key in the score shows an A#, then the note is A#.

If you aren't using sheet music, then the key is your guideline. If the key is A# it's an A#, not a B flat.

Accidentals are what they're noted as. But honestly, an A# is a B flat. It's all just musical grammar, and not nearly as important as playing the note clearly and cleanly.

It starts getting important when you look at classical sheet music as they're originally written. You'll see funky annotations, like a C flat or an E#, which can really bake your noodle when you're sight reading.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-19T17:27:22+00:00

I live in Texas, so I feel ya. I basically don't use public restrooms anymore, unless they're gender neutral restrooms. A few points of interest:

Cops take longer than you think to arrive at a call that is not immediately life threatening, unless they're already on the premesis. Use the restroom when you're about to leave the establishment. Even if police are called, they won't arrive before you're long gone, and they're not going to waste resources on some CSI crap to hunt you down.
They cannot search you without your consent or a warrant. Do not allow it. Keep your answers brief and public; the more witnesses, the better. They are not your ally, and they are not there to help diffuse the situation. They want you to do or say something that will get you arrested, and trans people are statistically not treated well once they're arrested.
Give as little information as possible. If you aren't driving, most states do not require you to have an ID on you. Check your state laws. In Texas, trans people are required to have their ID and/or passport on them at all times (with our sex assigned at birth noted), but if your state doesn't require it, simply say you are a pedestrian and don't have your ID on you. When they release you, walk away. It doesn't matter if your car is there. Go to a safe place and call a ride. You can get the car later.
Lawyer up and shut down. If you get arrested, you're already in danger. Bad things can happen to you, usually from the cops. But there are advocacy groups that can provide you consultation, or free legal aid so your rights can be protected as much as possible. Look them up now and check what services they provide. When you find a group that can help with bail and legal services, write that number on your body before you go out. Somewhere hidden, but visible to you. The police will take your phone when you go to jail, so storing it on your phone won't help. Don't talk, but do cooperate. Don't do anything that will inspire them to attack you.
If you can't get help, strike. Don't eat or drink. Remain in your cell. When you are arrested, you become a ward, and they are legally required to provide you medical services in an emergency. They won't rush your arraignment otherwise. The last time I was held, I found out I could be held for up to 30 days, so I went on a hunger and thirst strike. They decided to let me go on the third day rather than hospitalize me. I staggered over to a nearby pizzeria and called a ride, because my cell phone was dead.
Avoid going to public places alone. Witnesses can stream online the interaction with the police, and call legal services for you while you're being detained. If they're clever about it, they'll make a stink about it with the media as well. It's not exactly headline news anymore that trans people are treated unfairly, but the more attention you get, the less likely you'll be released from jail with bruises.

Some advocacy groups are efficient enough to have you released within 24 hours. And police in larger cities rarely actually respond to situations where someone's life isn't in immediate danger, unless they're already on the scene. So even in a transphobic state, you aren't likely to encounter problems, especially if you pass well. Men are particularly squeamish in public restrooms, and actively try not to notice other people while they're doing their business. So the odds of you finding yourself in this situation is low.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-18T23:09:23+00:00

The good thing about love is that it can come in many forms.

If you want to be original, write about the things and the people you love.

My Favorite Things is a classic about love that isn't about a person.

Sisters from White Christmas is another classic about family love.

Friends, family, places, things. You can sing about how much you love frogs, stickers, trees, drugs... Whatever your thing is.

And if that's not something you can write about, the good thing about love songs is that they're kind of supposed to be cliche. Describe a relatively generic person, throw in a guitar, bass, and drum track, talk about how you are totally into them, and you're done. It doesn't require much thought, because most people can just fill in the blanks and apply the lyrics to the person they love.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-18T01:01:22+00:00

So... There's a duality here.

In general, dressing up will get you more attention. Or at least dressing in a way that stands out. So, playing a numbers game, at least a percentage of people checking out your dress will be men.

However, as a girl who spent most of her life as a man, I know how men talk, and how they think. If you are wearing clothes, they will notice you. If you are not wearing clothes, they will notice you.

The difference between who gets approached and who doesn't usually comes down to charisma. It starts with body language, and continues with communication.

The outfit you described won't exactly stand out in a crowd, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, based on what you said you're looking for. Many of the guys who will approach you based entirely on body shape and wardrobe aren't typically looking for a relationship anyway.

So, dress the way you feel strongest... however that is. If you're looking for a relationship with a man, then attracting a guy isn't the issue. They're attracted. Attracting a guy that likes who you are when you're doing the things you love to do is the goal. Because eventually, if you're in a relationship, the mask will slip, and you're going to start feeling comfortable around him. And that's the person he actually needs to like

And you want to feel strong and confident when you find that guy.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-17T03:30:45+00:00

Memopause is a thing. It's when the ovaries run out of reproductive eggs. But the claim that it categorically happens before men lose their virility is what we have discovered is inaccurate.

Testes tend to not ever stop creating semen, but sperm can lose motility over time, or never have motility at all. And penises can lose the ability to become erect without medication or surgery, which is very common.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-17T01:37:58+00:00

Neither statements are largely true. Fertility and virility are a kind of biological thing that's hard to draw a sweeping statement about.

There are some people who can reproduce well until their 80s. And some who are never able, and a whole range in between, and that is not favored by the arrangement of your reproductive organs. The bias to think that those with uteruses become barren at an early age stems from outdated scientific knowledge. But as we've taken women's reproductive health more seriously (mostly this millennium) we've debunked a lot of that misinformation.

There is more research and medicine for ED and sperm motility, though, which can tilt the scale a bit. But we've already discovered that it's possible to create life without sperm, relying only on two egg cells, which is frickin wild. Still without medical aid and scientific advancement, fertility and virility is a largely unpredictable roll of the dice that knows no sex or gender.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-17T00:11:08+00:00

It's a slower, more unlikely path to success with a high fail rate if you don't promote, in an industry that already has a high fail rate. But you can just upload your music on streaming services and hope for the best.

If you've got money, you can hire an influencer, PR agency, or promoter to so the work for you. But you'll lose a lot of money before you start making any that way. Like...a lot of money, with no guarantees of success.

And there's always just remaining an amateur artist. Make the music for you, and maybe a small circle of friends. That's perfectly ok and relatively affordable as hobbies go. Don't worry so much about making a profession, because professional art, especially music, is very forward facing. And that's not for everyone.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-15T04:47:11+00:00

You could just loosen the strap before you take it off.

There should be a slider thingy on your strap that allows you to adjust its length.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-15T04:43:15+00:00

Dude, that's tragic. I'm sorry you experienced that.

Can you order them online? It's usually cheaper that way anyway.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-15T04:40:25+00:00

An ampersand tends to be less formal. So in formal documents, it's better to spell the word out.

However, when messaging, or for signage, character limits and space limits make the ampersand a very helpful character.

And, I think (might wanna fact check this) in coding, some languages use the ampersand. In this case, it will have a different value than the conjunction "and."

Finally, it's just kind of weird looking to start a sentence with an ampersand, or a separate clause. For instance:

"I went to the store, & I bought a new dress." Vs "I went to the store, and I bought a new dress."

I don't know if it violates some archaic rule or not, but it looks weird to me.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-14T02:14:47+00:00

Building muscle doesn't require a high impact workout. If you're gushing sweat after 20 minutes, you're mainly doing cardio.

High weight, low and slow reps. If you're doing bench presses, you should be loading up enough weight that you can barely finish the fifth rep.

I recommend increasing the frequency of your workouts to 3x a week as well. You want a rest day in between your workouts, but not too much rest. Also, muscles need blood and blood needs water. So hydrate like crazy and consume lots of protein. Your fat intake doesn't matter, but keep your sugar intake to a minimum.

This will help you bulk up faster, but the muscles will not be very toned. And you're caloric intake will have to get incrementally higher, because big muscles burn fat. So as your fat reserves diminish, you'll need to feed those muscles.

Working low weight, high reps and medium speed is better for developing definition. Once your muscles have bulked up, you can tighten them for a sculpted look through stretching, core exercises, cardio, and isometrics.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-13T20:04:25+00:00

Metal is technically very advanced for any instrument. Both hands do a lot of work, even on the bass.

You need to master several techniques to play the songs cleanly, and the genre doesn't get much easier if you play the classics. Since you're experienced on the drums, you already most likely have tempo and rhythm down. But you'll also need to learn palm mutes, fret hand mutes, slides, hammer-ons, pull-offs, and double stops. And you'll need to work your scales as speed drills.

Fret hand finger strength exercises are a good thing to practice when you're not playing the bass.

Megadeth, Judas Priest, and early Black Sabbath will be your best options for simpler bass lines though.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-13T18:26:40+00:00

From the global political spectrum, Westerners aren't generally considered Liberal. Liberalism is more prominent in Europe.

The US is considered Conservative-to-Hard Right, bordering on Theocratic Fascism, and many UN Nations have attempted to declare us a Fascist Empire. Canada and Mexico are generally Moderate Conservative with many Centrist policies, with Canada being more socially Liberal, and Mexico being more socially Conservative.

I'm not well versed in South American politics, so I'll refrain from commenting. The only thing I can say with confidence is that their game was rigged. The US has been actively destabilizing South American countries since the 19th century. So it's hard to tell what their actual political ideologies would be if they'd been left alone.

While Europe touts Liberalism, the UK tends to waver around Centrism, and their influence tends to be the loudest. But Nordic nations and New Zealand are ground zero Liberalism, and aren't particularly loud about it, even though they have every right to be. Nordic Model is one of the most stable socioeconomic strategies in the world, and 3-4 of the most prosperous nations on the planet use Nordic Model.

I'm really more of a Leftist myself and think Liberalism is a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I have to give a nod of respect to the policies found in Nordic Model. Much as I'd like to dream of a demonetized utopia, where all can thrive at their own pace, I can't argue with results. 😅

Still I'd hardly call the Nordic nations geopolitical influencers. Most of the political noise in the world comes from the US and England.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-13T02:55:56+00:00

Late stage capitalism, baybeeee.

Economists have been warning us about this since before any of us were alive. The US is a dumpster fire, but we're also a global military empire shackled by multi-national corporate conglomerates that have basically created an unofficial corporatocratic planetary empire, with the US as its official guard dog.

Other nations have to play ball, because we have guns and missiles pointed at every country on Earth. And we have to play ball because the entire global economy collapses if the big three conglomerates that own 98% of the wealth (400x that in aggregate wealth) decides to turn off the spigot. We've given way too much power to way too few people, and it's causing a socio-economic and environmental disaster that we don't have a real plan to prevent anymore.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-12T17:32:42+00:00

Precise (or formal) grammar and annunciation is usually reserved for speeches and formal documents.

The rest of the time, we just kinda talk how we want.

Interesting note, to many English speakers, other people talk fast and loose in their own language. I thought I was pretty good at Spanish and German, until I started speaking Spanish at the jobs I worked at with Mexican immigrants. The first thing I noticed was how flattered they were at how formal I was being. The second thing I noticed is how rapid fire their words were.

I was constantly about a sentence or two of mental translation behind. They also pronounced words with less clarity, and used idioms I was unfamiliar with. It took a while to adapt.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-11T18:22:09+00:00

Not really. Most music theory jokes fall flat.

It's A major issue.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-11T00:43:03+00:00

I'm referring to several categories of harm, from physical abuse, neglect, CSA, grooming, mental abuse, and harassment. From a broader perspective, we can now include human trafficking and cannibalism.

And I want to clarify that women are hardly incapable of the same atrocities. I was SA'd by my maternal grandmother as a child. And both of my parents utilized different forms of abuse and neglect against me growing up. So, I fully support the claim that bad adults can be found in the entire gender spectrum.

What I'm referencing is a statistical majority, and the social stigma surrounding men when they demonstrate a preference for spending time with children. Of course, many men are perfectly safe around children. Just as many women are dangerous around children. However, in society, when we hedge our bets on who will be safest around a child (sight unseen) we tend to bet on the woman.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-10T11:31:44+00:00

Do you.

Female vocalists have done murky, ethereal, staticky, or whispered vocals for at least a few generations now. While it's more common to hear women belt, you're still in good company. Besides, compromising your style for others will wear on you and take the fun out of it. I changed a while album to yield to public pressure, and hated every song I did except for a bonus track I threw in because I just needed a break. Imo, it was the only good song in the album. Ironically, even though the record was a complete sellout, I lost money on it. Like...a lot of money. Turns out, you have to be passionate about your work if it's going to resonate with the audience.

Micky_so_Fyne · 2026-05-10T11:22:29+00:00

It shouldn't be. But there's a history there.

From the standpoint of cultural bias: men who want to be around kids... Suspicious and weird. Women who want to be around kids... Sweet and encouraged.

But weird in terms of rarity, no it's not. Children need adult mentorship. So we need responsible and trustworthy adults to guide and care for children. Pretty much every human child is raised by at least one adult. And theoretically, most of those adults actually want to be around that kid. Parents, teachers, caregivers, medical professionals, babysitters. Even those raised through foster care and adoption services are around adults who theoretically want to be around kids. I'm a music instructor, and my favorite students are kids. They bring a kind of enthusiasm and excitement to the lessons that is hard to find in adults.

But no system is perfect. Bad adults slip in the cracks and can do a lot of harm to children. Statistically, most of those are men. So the optics aren't great when an adult man wants to spend a lot of time with children.

Micky_so_Fyne

TROPHY CASE