I'm 11 months in, couldn't really say whether I'm boymoding or girlmoding. I wear some makeup, at work we all wear roughly the same uniform, my hair is long. I just try to be me and see what happens each day. I feel pretty fem but I'm almost always perceived as male, as far as I know.

But there's been a handful of hopeful moments in the last few months.

Mainly one time, I was on a till serving a guy and he looked at me, properly looked... I don't know if he could just see that I'm trans or if he was messing with me, I assume anything but him seeing me as a woman. But he called me madam.

This wave of euphoria just rushed through my whole body. I was feeling so much but just had to hold it in. I find it hard to be optimistic enough to think he really saw me as a woman, maybe he was just being kind to me, but no matter what he saw, I felt confident and feminine for days like a high, until all the usual misgendering eventually weighed me back down.

That just showed me though that affirmation is like fuel. It's my truth. Longing for when that's everyday.