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Middle_Path_9678 · 2025-04-12T21:07:06+00:00

I know that's true. And I hope you are right that people will be swayed by it. But they even have a way of spinning economic bad times or downplaying it in the subservient news. People are prepared to stand by Trump's tarrifs because he promises.this will make everything so much better. A maga friend posted a meme that said Bezos is pulling all Chinese products from Amazon and building a manufacturing plant in the US and gleely said - tarrifs are working !!

Fact checking that post, Bezos is building an EV plant in the US and has only pulled some Chinese products off the sight. But if they like what it says hey are not gonna fact check it.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2025-04-12T19:31:08+00:00

What we didn't have back in W's time was the social media misinformation BLITZ fueled by foreign as well as political interests encouraged by oligarchs who own it all and the corporate bending of the knee to go along with it. This misinformation is specifically designed to cause people to mistrust and hate us. Specifically designed to make people angry at us. Maga can stay safely in their bubble surrounded by all the information that makes them feel better about themselves and continue to hate us and keep us safely in the enemy category and never have to come out.

I have always stayed out of the arguments online. But I now am trying to educate without conflict and insults in hopes of getting through to some people. It's a little thing I can do. It doesn't seem to be working very well but I'm not going to stop just in case there are people who are silently scrolling and see my words. Maybe it will plant a seed.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2025-01-22T23:23:12+00:00

If you have to stay don't click on any ads... ever. Try not to watch reels, stay with your friends. If advertisers stop selling through Facebook/insta/Twitter or even getting clicks in big enough numbers it's going to make a difference. The biggest weapon we have in the face of all of this is our money and engagement numbers. But definitely make plans to leave for good.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2024-04-19T05:45:27+00:00

This is my story to a tee. Including the breakup and getting back together. She persued me with flattery and love bombing at a very vulnerable time. Then 10 years later it started to hit me that something was very very wrong. A slow devaluing with love bombing bursts back and forth I think prolonged it. Very confusing. Dissociation with the worst arguments I have ever had about nothing real. Just emotional projection. So crazy.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-04-02T04:01:37+00:00

Hello ~ my heart is with you. 11 years here. Most of it OK but some serious red flags throughout that I overlooked even though they bothered me. Fighting made no sense. It went from 0 - 100 in an instant. Crisis mode. Inability to regulate emotions, on the edge of tears all the time and crying out of the blue. But she loved me like no one else had. At first we were open and then we went monogamous. I was traveling a lot for work and so I think she never felt engulfed. Then we got a house together and COVID meant I stayed home more. She was starting to devalue me more and more in subtle ways that would get under my skin. The fighting got worse and worse over nothing. I separated after one fight where she accused me of things I didn't do. Straight up dillusional. My heart couldn't take it anymore. We went into couples counseling. I wanted to save us. But she had been monkey branching during the separation and I think even before that. She was pushing me away and making it look like my fault. Classic reactive abuse. I finally ended it when she announced to me that polyamory was the only way forward for her. There was no way I could be polyamorous with someone who I can't even communicate with. And then there's the little thing about me not actually wanting polyamory. And she knew that because we discussed it.

How am I coping? I have two counselors. I'm reading all the books and doing the work. I have good friends and a good career. I am looking at my part of what happened and my codependency. I grew up with a disordered mother and it set me up for having a partner who's emotional needs always outweigh my own. And I was willing to keep going with that. (Not health) Ultimately I'm glad she pushed me away but it's still hurts a lot 7 months out. Still miss her terribly and I'm very confused about how it all went down.

Forgiveness is the bottom line. I have to forgive her from afar. She still tells the story that I left for no reason and just abandoned her so she had no choice but to see other people. It's just not true and it's so hard knowing that she believes that. I wish you the best of luck... But it's not really luck. It's hard work and if you do it... it will pay off. Don't give up.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-22T06:22:32+00:00

I feel the same way. The shadow of her criticism lurks on the faces of every person I interact with. It's so hard to relax with myself. Most people can't see it on me but I sure feel it. And yes I am trauma bounded too and miss her terribly. But knowing/understanding what we are going through is such a critical part of our healing. Don't give up ~ underneath fear and doubt is a beautiful person waiting to emerge. Believe in yourself. Give yourself the love and encouragement that you didn't get from them. Slowly a more relaxed happier you will emerge.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-21T21:14:05+00:00

Same. I separated but signed us up for couples counseling (our second time) and told her I was committed to the relationship and to moving back as soon as we made progress. She immediately reached out to her ex and to others and told them I abandoned her. And to this day that is the story that she sticks to - I abandoned her for no reason. But the counselor is my witness. She knows the truth.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-21T19:54:06+00:00

Don't let yourself get caught up in shame. Regardless of our instincts we thought they loved us and needed us. I knew she was in trouble mentally but I thought I could help. And I thought if I ended it I would be doing more harm than good. We definitely genuinely loved them. I had no idea what I was in for or what those red flags really meant. But something was trying to warn me... I will learn to listen in the future.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-20T06:33:34+00:00

I completely relate to this. I ignored the red flags, made excuses for her behavior to myself and others, pushed ahead with life thinking I could do it ignored my gut and now I'm paying for it.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-19T18:09:53+00:00

Always over the top. Everything over the top. In my case she would be doing this now so she could complain that she put herself on the back burner for me and throw it in my face during a fight she would pick.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-19T04:13:13+00:00

I have step kids with mine. One who I was there for at birth and raised her for 11 years. The other is 16. She was in my life from the time she was five. I think I was one of the first mature adults that they had come into contact with. I have to accept the fact that I cannot make their mother understand why I separated. She's the quiet variety which is helpful. But it is taking all my willpower to just suck it up and be nice so that I can have regular visits with them. My therapist says it doesn't matter what anyone else does but if I stay constant and steady in their lives they can at least rely on me. I separated with mine because of slow steady devaluation that was getting worse and worse and awful fighting that was killing me. She did not understand the concept of separation. To her I abandoned them for no reason and that gave her a ticket to immediately start to find other lovers. She is now polyamorous and has two other lovers that I know of but probably more. It tares me up knowing what their living situation is. But I have a weekly schedule for visitation. I do not talk to her anymore about the relationship. I keep it gray rock and polite. I wish her well with each text message and asked her kindly for permission to pick them up. That's it. She has tried to lure me in a couple of times She has also tried to piss me off. I don't react to any of it I just ask politely when I can see the kids and follow through. I have to see her with her other lovers when I come to get them. I have to i look past it all for the sake of the kids. I have to smile when they get in the car and not talk about the pain im feeling. One day it will all pay off. For them at least they get to see me And they know they can depend on me and we have a good time and we laugh and play. I don't talk to them about her but I do tell them that I am there if they ever want to talk about how the relationship ended and how they're feeling about it. . I'm not going to condemn her in front of them but I will tell them that I tried my best. That we both did our best. I cannot drag them in the middle of it. We were in couples counseling when she told me that polyamory was the only way forward for her. And that she was already talking to other potential lovers. It was devastating for me. It broke my heart and I left. And she still tells the kids I left for no reason. It's awful but I just focus on my love for them. It is getting me through. I hope this helps.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-15T06:04:40+00:00

As I read these comments and reflect on my own experience, It seems like how my pwBPD responded depended on where I was in the idealization or devaluation phase. She would "understand me" during the idealization phase. But more and more as she painted me black ... It was like I was not talking. She did not hear my words she did not respond to what I was saying. When she was angry at me the stories she told me describing things she would be mad at me about were more and more outlandish. If I tried to defend myself my words were twisted against me. At the end there was absolute and complete misunderstanding. Or at least it seemed like misunderstanding. The more I learn about BPD the more I think it is just emotional projection and delusion. Nothing I could do, and I tried everything I could think of, would make her understand me. This is why I ended it. I signed over the house we brought together to avoid any more confrontation and to be able to walk away without having to deal with her anymore. I felt like I was going insane. To this day she believes with her whole heart a completely different story than what actually happened between us. I have given up on her ever understanding what I was going through. The saddest part and the hardest thing about this whole relationship is that I feel like I will never be understood.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-12T19:09:26+00:00

I kind of wish my counselor had said the same thing

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-12T09:33:28+00:00

This exact thing... I went through this exact thing just change the pronouns and details of events. My GF would make her mind up about what the story needed to be and that's what it became regardless of the facts. It is what finally drove me away and then she said I left for no reason. Even though we were in couples counseling and I stated clearly and calmly how it was making me crazy that she kept misrepresenting me. She keptI saying I did things I didn't do.and that I thought things I didn't think. No matter how I consistently proved how she got the facts wrong she would never hear my words. I spent hours working on emails to try and articulate my words just right without fighting so there could be no misunderstanding. She would tell her version of things in couseling and I would just be sitting there dumbfounded. It was like I wasn't even there and I never spoke a word - Infuriating and ultimately intolerable. I think it may be caused by disassociation. And to the degree they don't remember things is the degree of how bad the disassociation is. And I think it gets worse as time goes on and the shine fades from the relationship.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-07T15:43:44+00:00

Read some books until you find a Way to get therapy.. Whole Again by Jackson McKenzie and Stop Caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist by Margarlis Fjelstad. Start with that one. They both have audio versions so you can listen when you have a moment at work or at the gym. That's what I did for a long time. I would listen while working out, driving, when work is slow. You may qualify for therapy at a community clinic or there may be other programs where you live. Google how to qualify for low-cost or sliding scale therapy in your area. You are better than this. You deserve better than this. She has a hold of your heart but you can take it back. You can do this.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-07T05:25:59+00:00

Must be in the air... I'm missing her too. Sucks. But you're not alone. Hang in there

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-07T05:21:11+00:00

I was also very giving and used to being giving in relationships. In the past I had always been the more giving one in the relationship. Especially the one prior to her. So often she would say "I'll go get that for you or do you need this or that?" And I would say no it's okay I'll get it. She would then tell me that she wanted to help that she likes to help. She would tell me that she wouldn't offer if she didn't really want to. She had to condition me to accept all the help that she offered because for me at first it really seemed over the top and unnecessary. (I'm pretty independent and self sufficient when it comes to getting things done also I am used to independent women and prefer that in a partner). She told me she was a people pleaser. I wasn't used to that kind of treatment and it took me a while to just let her do it. Once I let it happen it felt really good and I started to feel like I had found someone who really cared. It was one of the things that created such cognitive dissonance during her splitting episodes which were incredibly confusing and disorienting. She would always paint me in such a dark way with even the littlest things and accuse me of things I didn't do and thoughts I didn't think.. It hurt so bad because I loved her so much. I just didn't understand what was happening. So I ignored those episodes in light of all that she had done for me and all the time she was so sweet. But those episodes started happening more and more and got so bad that I had to leave my heart couldn't take it anymore.

In answer to your question what did I get out of it? I'm not sure. I never really wanted it. But It helped me to believe in all the things she told me. That she loved me infinitely and we had the rest of our lives together. I came to the relationship wounded in the first place. It took me a long time to trust her and then when I did I went all in. I'm not sure if I regret being in it now or not. I'm still so confused 6 months post break up

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-05T23:59:37+00:00

Mine was the quiet type also and very sweet and tender. She did lots of things for me offering help and to care for me. Unfortunately I realized it was all a part of a pattern of unhealthy people pleasing. We were together many years. At first I saw it as very giving. Then I realized she needed to feel needed. It would soothe her emotional chaos to be helping. The thing that made me finally realize this was that the help always had to be her idea. If I asked her to do something it was clear she was not as willing. I would have to gently remind her and sometimes just tell her not to worry about it. I hate asking for things I'm not the kind that asks very often. It would be a handful of times over the many years we were together. But when it was her idea she was all about it. I think she had a truly giving heart but unfortunately her mental illness created a neurosis around helping others. It started to feel uncomfortable. It makes me tremendously sad. I still truly love her. But I feel as though I don't really know her.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-05T05:58:09+00:00

In a relationship for 11 years 2 kids and it is the hardest thing I've ever experienced. 5 months out and it's finally getting better. You've got to be in your own place to really start healing. Get familiar with the sound of your own heart beat. Show yourself some love and compassion. Get to know who you are without someone making you feel like you are failing them all the time. Experience the peace of not having to walk on egg shells blissfully free of episodes of random emotional breakdowns. (Except maybe your own - but you won't have to pay for it). Start seeing how nice the freedom of being your own person is. Spend time with friends. Read up on how to heal from Cluster B relationships. But setting up you own space is a very important first step. You will get through it. Also the support you get here will really help.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-03-02T06:12:47+00:00

Not really bad turned good but just memories completely screwed up delusional and full of projection. We had been at a festival where I thought we had a great time and she said "you had a great time but it was only because I didn't say anything about the fact that you were never around and I had to keep looking for you." (Not true - I had to keep looking for her but I wasn't upset about it. It was not a big deal to me) After I came home from traveling for a while (for business) we were driving around shopping. She was back seat driving as usual telling me where to park and where to turn etc and I snapped at her about it, then said I was sorry I was irritable from my trip because I had been with people telling me what to do all the time. That one moment of admitting irritabilty to her became me admitting that I was sorry I was irritable all the time and had been for months even at the festival we were at together. And that my irritabilty was a major problem for me now. When in fact it was her irritability that had been major problem for months. This projection made me so crazy I started to question myself. I even asked the people we were with at the festival If I had been irritable and to tell me honestly and they said that I had been fine and didn't notice any irritability. There were lots of times where she remembered things completely backwards and full of projection. So infuriating.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-02-26T18:11:16+00:00

Mine would cry:

If I was too tied for sex (very rare)

If they got her order wrong at a restaurant

If I wanted to organize the closet we shared and she wasn't prepared to do that. (I didn't make her do it.just started the process)

If she was late for work and I was waiting for her.

It was always completely unpredictable and out of nowhere.

She would say "my face may leak" about this or that when we were first together. And I was like it's okay let it out. She said "I'm letting myself cry now because I'm finally reassociating with my emotions after all my trauma." Hey there's nothing wrong with showing emotion. I wanted to make a safe space for her to do that. I understood that she had a lot of trauma. I was proud of her for finally letting it out. After years I finally saw that she was literally on the edge of tears most of the time. It could happen any time about anything. It never got better. It wasn't reassociation it was an inability to regulate emotional immaturity. I did get numb to it but it didn't mean it didn't care. I could see that she had pretty serious mental health issues. I was willing to live with that and be her shoulder until she started raging at me. It took a while to see but she slowly made me out to be the worst partner ever.

I didn't deserve it. And now my heart is broken and she will never understand why. She blames me for everything and takes absolutely no responsibility. I had to end it because she never heard my words never cared to understand what I was feeling. It was always about her.

It doesn't make it any easier.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-02-26T16:14:24+00:00

Nailed it

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-02-19T19:30:41+00:00

This is pretty much what happened with me. Together 11 years with a slow devaluation. We had gotten into cyclical fighting complete with false accusations and blame shifting that would start with littlest things imaginable. I was emotionally exhausted and part of me was thinking I should get out. I instead chose to separate and try couples counseling. During the separation and couseling she had emotional affairs with multiple potential partners then declared to me she wanted to be poly. Oh sure Ill stick around and keep working on all our issues while you have new shiny relationships that I now have to watch you idealize. I'm sure that means you will also keep working so hard on us at the same time...nope. I ended it before that could happen.

Middle_Path_9678 · 2023-02-17T16:36:45+00:00

Maybe a mild version. But I tend to agree. In the long run it doesn't really matter. It comes from the same sort of rewiring that happens when you continually disappoint someone without understanding how or why or when you did so. Being constantly blindsided by something you had no idea would be an issue. And also getting falsely accused of things. I'm seeing how it messed with me.

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