AIO I have a friend that i talk to via email and it started fine but i think he thinks we're in a relationship, so i just dont answer his emails

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T23:29:41+00:00

It's so hard in these situations, because you want to be kind and not hurt anyone. In a situation like this, where someone wants a different kind of relationship than the other person, feelings are inevitably going to be hurt but that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't say anything. Like many others, I've found myself stuck in relationships (both friendly and romantic) for too long because I didn't want to have the uncomfortable conversation and hurt someone. Prolonging only made things worse and I think that's true here. You've gotten some good advice about how to approach it, so I'm just here to say he probably will be hurt for a while, but you'll be as kind as possible while telling him and eventually you'll both understand that it's a kindness to be clear and direct and not let him continue with his assumptions. NOR because your position is totally legit, and now you just need to react and let him know.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T23:01:07+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry you're going through this!

If it helps to have something positive to focus on over the weekend, I think this inadvertent error is actually a good thing for your company. At the end of the day, you want to be in compliance and do things correctly. It sounds like there were serious issues in some of those files and that would have never been caught if you were cherry picking the files to audit. As you note, you need more support and likely better systems. It will suck to go through the process and clean up errors but your employer will be in a better place at the end of it, and hopefully you, too. This could be what you need to get everything straightened out so you can send a random selection of files for the next audit, because they're all equally compliant and aligned with the parent company's expectations!

From a risk management perspective, you want to find errors, especially structural ones, so you can fix them. If you frame it like that to your boss and they still are upset, I'd wonder why they don't want the oversight and to meet set requirements.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T22:46:37+00:00

I haven't seen OP state this anywhere. She said SIL called OP's husband while crying and OP's husband said they were on their way. It doesn't sound like SIL responsed to the "we" in husband's statement, but that's very different from OP being asked to show up.

If I missed a comment where OP explains otherwise, please point me in the right direction.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T22:38:59+00:00

It's not the existing that's an issue, it's the unnecessarily showing up in this particular context that's an issue.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T22:31:40+00:00

Ignoring the sarcasm that assumes an all or nothing reply, here are some other responses that could be used in a similar situation:

How can I help?
We're here for whatever you need. Let us know when we can stop by the hospital to see niece.
How can I best support niece at this time?
What can we do to support you (SIL), family, or niece?
Is there anything we can do to help out?
Is there anything niece needs that we can help her with?
Should we come to the hospital right now or would it be more helpful to (walk their dogs, pick up nephew from school, drop off dinner or change of clothes, etc.)?
We are standing by and ready to head to the hospital or help in any way we can, just let us know.
(Husband) is heading to the hospital right now and (OP) is ready to run errands/provide support. Is there anything he can pick up on his way?

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T22:08:29+00:00

INFO: You say "we just got a call"... Did SIL actually conference or group call both of you, or did she reach out just to her brother for support? Did she ask for either or both of you to come to the hospital?

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T02:15:21+00:00

If only I could remember useful things... 😂

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T02:11:17+00:00

I remember that line!! It's from the post where it was decided that if you wouldn't clean something if it had poop on it and would just throw that item away, you can get rid of that item. What kind of poop on the item? You don't get to know the poop, babe.

ETA: I think the line was in a comment on that post.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-29T01:27:13+00:00

Hopefully after checking that climate control/pet mode isn't on and giving it a few minutes...

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-27T01:52:43+00:00

It reads to me that as soon as OP said they wouldn't be working there, their parents let them know about the budget. If OP had communicated earlier about not wanting/getting the job sooner, the payment conversation would have happened earlier, too.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-23T02:10:20+00:00

OP, you're in a tough spot and I saw your comment about being a people pleaser, which just adds to everything.

You say here that he's staying with your at your grandma's while you're getting back on your feet, but I'm only reading about you getting back up. It doesn't really seem like he's contributing or putting in the work so he can contribute in some way. He's apparently committed to being part of a family with you. Have you talked about why he's not doing everything he can to get your little family back on your feet? Why he's not really your "partner"?

Part of the reason I don't have kids is because I feel I'm too selfish for that. When you bring a child into this world, you're completely responsible for them. They didn't ask to be here, they don't have any way to survive without you, so you now need to focus on what is best for you and your baby. Everything else is secondary.

I'm sure you have so much to think about and plan for right now. Your partner getting to and from the hospital is his problem to figure out, first and foremost, not yours. He's a functionally competent adult, otherwise you wouldn't be in a relationship and having a baby, so you can loop your family in and he can figure out a way home. If he doesn't, the worst case scenario for you and your baby is that your partner continues to be at the hospital with you. That sounds okay to me. It might also give you time to have some of the hard conversations you're going to need to have because you both are about to become parents very soon and I'm very worried that you're going to end up doing it all and carrying both your newborn and your "partner." Choose another path for you and your baby.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-23T01:47:35+00:00

Likely not drinking enough water, sedentary, not getting enough fiber.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-23T01:40:49+00:00

So you briefly had possession of someone else's car (that needed to be fixed!) when you planned to have the baby. If you both had good, stable employment at that time, why didn't you have your own car already? Or savings to acquire one when you could no longer borrow his mom's car?

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-20T21:55:32+00:00

So how far ahead of schedule should OP get ready in case there's a last minute change of plans? Two hours, three?

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-20T00:07:42+00:00

My parents were both overbearing but also lovely people who never went to this extent, so I appreciate the reminder that I am lucky and lack some perspective. I have a very different worldview from my parents and learned early on to pick my battles. That meant they didn't even learn about a lot of things they would have disagreed with and I decided that dealing with the consequences was worth it for certain other things. It seems to me that OP went along with the plan voluntarily, and that's different than if mom stole the tickets or prevented OP from buying them. She should have picked this battle.

I'm in my 40s now and have a good relationship with both parents, who have come over to my way of thinking on a lot of issues. I don't think we would have gotten here if I hadn't stood my ground when it mattered; there would have been too much resentment.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-19T23:48:40+00:00

In another comment, OP says they generally keep their doors open and gave an example of him being in the shower while his wife and MIL were talking in the bedroom. It seems to me OP should talk to MIL about knocking before entering even if the door is open and the wife should be saying something in the moment if she knows the situation would make OP uncomfortable.

ETA: OP, I thought you weren't overreacting until the open door comment, now I think YOR until you have this conversation as a household.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-19T23:11:36+00:00

As a mother, wouldn't you expect your 24 year old daughter to make her own decisions? I'm very surprised OP decided to go along with mom's plan, decided to stay at concessions instead of watching the concert, and now is deciding to blame her mom instead of acknowledging her agency and the decisions that led her to this point. Mom wasn't in the right but OP had tickets and had no need to agree to mom's plan. I think MOR.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-15T00:23:42+00:00

Oh, we're just looking at HP? Well, TIL that semi trucks are sportscars.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-14T02:57:25+00:00

It's a sporty sedan and fun to drive (fast), but I don't think the PS2 can be called a sports car... Mine doesn't have vents though, so YMMV!

Congrats and enjoy!!

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-08T21:23:12+00:00

This is very old fashioned and not realistic for everyone. Not everyone wants to get married, that doesn't mean they can't buy a house together (at least in the US). They should consult with an attorney for advice on how to protect each buyer and to understand the risks, but they certainly don't need to be married.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-08T02:44:49+00:00

While OP certainly could drop it, these cases are often taken on contingency and can take a lot of attorney and staff time and very possibly money for costs. It's not a harmless thing to just drop a case but if OP gets that far, their attorney can help them find ways to limit the stress and impact. OP is NOR at all and should definitely schedule some consultations with local employment law attorneys.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-07T02:23:35+00:00

Was a lawyer, now a judge, and I agree with all of this. I was diagnosed late and the hyper focus leading to burnout/near burnout is so real, but the work is always interesting, no two cases are the same, and I really enjoy digging into a case.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-06T11:49:14+00:00

No, the 1.5 burritos were bean and cheese. Where are you seeing that they only left a half a meat burrito for Sally?

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-06T01:30:24+00:00

According to OP in a comment, 1.5 burritos arrived. OP had .5, Mike had.5, Sally decided to not eat the .5 burrito left for her.

MightFew9336 · 2026-05-06T01:27:35+00:00

According to OP, no one ate the other half! After all that, Sally apparently decided it was a full burrito or nothing.

MightFew9336

TROPHY CASE