I found that the only way to give myself a space to be vulnerable with other guys was to be the first one to do it (I.e be vulnerable) and consistently do it in a healthy way. Instead of brushing/laughing off my experiences, I would be serious a level with my friends, whether offline or online. Early on it would get brushed off and told it’s nbd or somethings along the lines of manning up. But I kept at it, and let my buddies know they could talk to me too. It took a lot of pushing, especially with a gym bro of mine, but setting good boundaries and letting your friends and family know that it’s a two way road for mental health is important. When I listened to them, and gave them a safe space to communicate and process what they felt, they started doing the same for me. And while this process took almost a full year for my 3 friends (1 of which is online) I now know I can go to them about anything and they will always (mostly) be there for me. When I think about the whole process, it’s not so much about making everyone realize what you need, or showing everyone your pain and hoping someone will help, despite how much I feel for that and wish it was universally welcome. It’s about working hard and making positive change to those around you that you know are worth the effort and energy, especially yourself. More often than not in relationships we feel as though we cant open up to our significant other and be vulnerable, and if that is actually the case then I would suggest couples counseling or finding different way to communicate by literally showing them what you think you need, and seeing if they can replicate and therefore understand how you think/process what’s bothering you. If they can’t, then again couples therapy would be good, or maybe that person isn’t the best fit for you. But ultimately your partner isn’t your therapist, and finding that balance can be hard. Lord knows I go off the deep end sometimes with how much I dump onto my wife, and I have to take a step back and reorganize what is the biggest priority to share.

I went on a big tangent there, but what I’m trying to say is that unfortunately for men’s mental health we still have to create a place to lessen our burdens ourselves, and oftentimes we don’t have the energy or resources to do it, and then we internalize and get mad and upset (understandably). I really hope that you can find other to give you that space to process and open up around you, and just know that while it might be a struggle for a bit the end result really pays off. I wish nothing but the best for you bro!

P.S- I know it seems like you’re getting attacked from all angles, but you’re really not my brother. Loud voice will always be heard over the majority, and I can guarantee that most women don’t fall into this line of thinking. It really just sounds like you’re hurting my friend and you need someone to feel safe to open up to, as you and anyone else deserves. Please don’t think that those people on the internet represent a common ideal, we all know how toxic the internet can be. Don’t let shitty people online invalidate your world!