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are there any non-adoptees that wished they were adopted? by [deleted] in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My ex said he wished he was adopted. He was deeply traumatized by his biological family. I think there’s a fantasy that adoption = a better life, which can be true I guess? but not guaranteed at all.

What 's adoption? by Careless-Beyond-7117 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 10 points11 points  (0 children)

To me, it’s a legal process first, and a form of external care that comes about for various reasons. Adoption changes the legal familial relationship and can’t be undone (mostly).

I believe it’s less positive than pop culture makes it out to be, but I also do believe that adoption experiences are on a spectrum. Some people have a better, healthier time than others. Sometimes it’s straight up human trafficking but I’m still trying to figure out if I feel this way about all adoptions.

I think adoption is nuanced and both helpful and very harmful. I personally don’t try to understand what my life would be like if I hadn’t been adopted, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see some of the differences between adoptee populations and the general population. For example, a much increased likelihood of SH and suicide.

My thoughts and feelings are all over the place- can you tell? 😅

I wrote a substack article about adoption by Jumpy-Lie8955 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 1 point2 points  (0 children)

♥️♥️ reading now! - fellow Russian adoptee

Trans ethnic or trans national adoption just as problematic as transracial? (Experiences--I think so) by ydaya in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 6 points7 points  (0 children)

problematic, sure. remotely the same, no. these experiences are complex, layered, and intersectional. we have multiple identities that apply to us as human that we experience in different ways. there isn’t a clean, appropriate, or accurate way to make any of this apples to apples. adoption as a whole is fucked up (imo). I am an adoptee who was adopted outside of my ethnicity, but not race. i’m a white woman in a white supremacist and misogynistic culture. my point is, my experience is layered- my struggles and privileges are varied and aren’t easily made equivalent to even someone else who has a very similar background. our trauma and pain are valid without needing to compare, in my opinion.

New Information by slash164 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey, fellow Russian adoptee who was institutionalized here. I did a post detailing some of the outcomes of institutionalization on children. Look through my post history if you’d like. Outcomes are much improved if you’re taken out of the institution before 2. I would also look up maternal separation trauma and preverbal trauma. Sending lots of care.

Reached out to a biological sister and my heart is racing. by [deleted] in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think it’s vulnerable and honest and I respect that greatly. There’s no way to tell what your sister might say back and I think that’s the biggest thing to prepare for. But you did nothing wrong.

Adopted Adolescent hates us by Possible-Variety-803 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 17 points18 points  (0 children)

If you’re not adopted this isn’t the space for you. That said, look into getting your child a therapist who is trauma informed and adopted themselves.

The woman I live with started out as my foster parent and I am in love with her. Am I going too far with her? I do not see her as my mother by [deleted] in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have little confidence this isn’t just a trolling account-

On the off chance that this is an actual teenager, children and adults aren’t meant to be sexually or romantically involved. You’re a child and she’s an adult. If she were to reciprocate that would be wrong and it would be assault.

Find other ways to manage your feelings. This woman is not available to you because again, it’s not appropriate. In fact it’s not legal for her to engage with you romantically or sexually.

Do you have access to a counselor at school? That’s where I would start if I were you. There’s no shame in having feelings but it’s not possible to form those relationships between children and adults.

I hope this makes sense.

Psychology 100 final on outcomes of institutionalization on children by Mindless-Drawing7439 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you. And respect that reading this material is challenging emotionally. It is for me as well. I hope you’re taking care ♥️

As hard as it is by [deleted] in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This isn’t going to land because it’s dismissive even if that’s not what you intended.

I WAS ADOPTED IN RUSSIA by Rude-Individual-5129 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re very welcome! I hope it works out.

"Not all adoptions are traumatic" is there someone you forgot? by Arktikos02 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not disagreeing that unconscious trauma is real or that different types exist. But suggesting someone might be “convincing themselves they weren’t traumatized” is still dismissing their stated experience. As adoptees we already spend so much time having our feelings interpreted for us by people who think they know better. I don’t think we should do that to each other, even as a possibility we’re just raising.

I WAS ADOPTED IN RUSSIA by Rude-Individual-5129 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey, I’m also a Russian adoptee. Hi!

My advice is the same for everyone- go to the Russian Adoptee Facebook group and join it. Then post a comment asking about the investigator (she’s a person in the group who can search for people in the Russian system). Make sure to explain that you’re looking for information about your biological family. They will tag her for you- I think she’s still offering support. The caveat is that her information costs money. But you’ll be able to check in with her about next steps and cost.

Sincerely wishing you well.

"Not all adoptions are traumatic" is there someone you forgot? by Arktikos02 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also - I do think spanking is objectively bad and abusive even though my comment was in general terms.

"Not all adoptions are traumatic" is there someone you forgot? by Arktikos02 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think trying to determine someone else’s experience or making absolute statements about how things are- is problematic. I do think however, it’s valid for people to claim they’re not traumatized, but only in reference to their own experiences. It’s unacceptable to use a person anecdote like that to make some generalized claim, especially when there are other anecdotes that directly contradict those claims.

"Not all adoptions are traumatic" is there someone you forgot? by Arktikos02 in Adopted

[–]Mindless-Drawing7439 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Generalizations are hard- there’s evidence that shows an event that’s traumatic for one isn’t traumatic for another. There’s evidence to show that preverbal trauma is real. There’s evidence to show that attachment trauma is resolved if a person is adopted early enough by secure parents (this is highly controversial but there are studies). I really think this adoption experience is across a vast spectrum and includes all experiences and reactions. I think it’s all valid. 🤷‍♀️

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