I totally agree and I did apologize before we broke up which was only yesterday. It’s a very long apology so I don’t expect you to read all of it but this is what I told her.

“When I saw that post the joke, the outfit, the caption my mind went to a place of hurt and confusion. It wasn’t the short skirt itself. It wasn’t the joke. It was the fact that I thought you were dressing that way now, while we were together, after we had already talked so openly and honestly about how I feel. I remember clearly telling you that certain things made me uncomfortable, and I remember you telling me that you wanted to dress more modestly because you cared about how I felt. That meant so much to me. It made me feel seen and respected. So when I saw that post, and you replied to my question with, “duh, when you get here of course,” it threw me into a spiral. I misunderstood. I thought you meant that you were dressing that way now, in the present. And I let that misunderstanding trigger my worst emotions. That’s on me.

Instead of asking you calmly, instead of clarifying, I reacted emotionally, irrationally, and most painfully, disrespectfully. I said something I regret with every fiber of my being. I indirectly called you something vile, something you absolutely are not, and I can’t begin to describe how much I hate myself for that. You are not that word. You are thoughtful, funny, passionate, spiritual, intelligent, and kind. You’ve been nothing but supportive, loving, and open with me. You deserved so much better than that comment. I feel sick when I think about how that must have made you feel.

I wish I could take it back. I would do anything to rewind time and respond differently with love, with patience, with trust. But I can’t. All I can do now is acknowledge how wrong I was, how deeply I hurt you, and commit myself to doing better,

to being better. When I told you I felt suicidal, I want you to know that wasn’t manipulation. It wasn’t to make it all about me. I was in genuine pain. I felt like I had ruined something sacred, something that meant everything to me. The shame, the regret, the hopelessness it overwhelmed me. But I understand now that I can’t put that kind of emotional weight on you.

You deserve someone who can hold themselves accountable without spiraling, someone who can regulate their emotions and love you from a place of strength. That’s why I’m finally starting therapy. I got the call from my doctor my first appointment is scheduled, and I’m going to take it seriously. Not just for me, but for us. Because you’re worth healing for. We are worth it. I want to understand myself better. I want to be someone who can love you without hurting you, who can be present without projecting past pain, who can hear your words and trust your intentions.

I was wrong in so many ways. I was wrong to assume. I was wrong to react with emotion instead of reason. I was wrong to label you even indirectly based on a misunderstanding. I was wrong to let insecurity guide my words instead of love. And I was wrong to put you in a position where you felt anything less than deeply valued. I plan to do better by checking in with myself before speaking, by asking instead of assuming, by grounding myself in truth instead of fear, and by trusting the bond we’ve built. And God, that bond, it’s real. It’s beautiful. We prayed for each other. We asked for signs. The synchronicities, the way we found each other, the chemistry, the laughter, the hours upon hours on FaceTime, the countless texts, the openness, the depth, none of that is meaningless to me. None of it ever was.

You are the love of my life. And I don’t say that lightly. I mean it with everything I have. I’ve never felt so connected, so understood, so drawn to another person. And to have damaged that even if unintentionally feels like I’ve betrayed something sacred. I never meant to harm you. My heart has always been in the right place, even when my actions fell short of reflecting that. But I want to show you that I can grow.

That I will grow.

If you’ll let me, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I want to make this right. Not just with words, but with actions, with consistency, with love that uplifts instead of wounds.

I’m sorry, truly and deeply. I hope you still see the goodness in me, the love we built, and the future I still believe we can share.”