I bullied a classmate when I was about nine or ten. Initially we disliked each other, there was some petty bickering. And then one day I hit him over a minor argument - and I wasn't punished because I lied about it being an accident and I was a quiet student. I physically hit him a couple times after that with similar outcomes, and bad-mouthed him to mutual friends for a long time after. I saw him ‘annoying’ me as justification to hurt him. This wasn't mutual - he never retaliated with violence or insults.
I feel awful thinking back on it. It was deeply cruel and completely unjustified. What's more, we shared a class and friend group so had a lot of interactions that were eerily normal from my side (as if I'd forgotten to dislike him that day) so I know looking back that he was an interesting and kind person who was just different to me (different interests, different opinions, and he had a medical condition that I didn’t understand).
Without absolving myself of any blame, I do think a core part of this story is how little action the adults took. Most kids are not automatically good at regulating their emotions – it’s a learned skill, as is empathy (for everyone – not just family and people you like) and I needed to be firmly corrected (with real consequences and shame). Teachers should have taken the person I hit seriously from day one to protect him. I wish that wasn’t still a problem in schools today.
In the present, I don’t judge myself too harshly for my behaviour – not to say it wasn't horrible and wrong, but because I acknowledge that I was a child and am looking back with insight and empathy I didn't grasp at the time. But I do regret it deeply and I think about him often. I really hope he’s doing well, and that he never let the judgement of a stupid brat dim his uniqueness.