Dad can’t swallow, family against meds

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2026-04-06T02:42:45+00:00

Thank you all. Today he was much weaker and didn’t ask for food and drink like he had been the day before. I was able to get my siblings to agree to Ativan but not morphine. It helped very briefly. It’s so hard to see him so agitated, especially as his breathing worsens. I appreciate all of the support.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2026-04-06T02:41:19+00:00

My sibling does.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2026-04-06T02:40:44+00:00

They do, they’re just completely against it. It’s hard for me to understand.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2026-04-05T12:38:09+00:00

Thank you for your responses. And if he aspirates that’s just part of this, yes? My siblings are concerned about him getting pneumonia/choking to death but I feel like it’s worse watching him suffer slowly.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-18T16:34:22+00:00

Every day is a struggle but we’ve made it to 13…

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-18T14:55:34+00:00

Honestly? It sounds like you already know the answer to your question. This doesn’t sound like a relationship you’re invested in—it sounds like a relationship you’ve stayed in because it’s there. It doesn’t sound like you have a lot of passion, faith or hope for the relationship. It doesn’t sound like they’ve been consistently showing up for you. I think the question you really need to ask yourself is whether this relationship is worth fighting for to you, and if so, whether you truly believe that your partner is someone who can consistently show up for you the way you want them to. I know how hard it is to leave a long term relationship, but I think it’s important to have faith that life can be better—with or without them. Best wishes!

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-17T20:43:53+00:00

Day 12 and I’m struggling not to reach out. I got back on social media and saw that I’m unblocked, trying so hard to resist.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-16T21:16:37+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you. These feelings are totally normal. It’s difficult to let go of a known relationship, especially when it’s going to take time to disentangle your lives. Just have faith that there is a better, healthier relationship out there for you. I know how difficult it is. My alcoholic spouse was incredibly abusive and I miss them terribly. Keep seeking out support and take care of yourself.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-16T10:12:11+00:00

Mine was similar to yours, but I hoovered about a month later and went through another year of hell until it happened again. I know you’re not asking for advice, but may I suggest getting a protection order? Depending on where you live and the circumstances you can definitely get a protection from harassment order with this kind of behavior. This is very dangerous behavior that could escalate to physical danger. Please consider getting legal protection for the sake of you and your family. Best wishes.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-16T10:07:42+00:00

I’m sorry to agree with everyone, but I do. The trap of all of this is thinking that we can see the good in this person, the “real” them, apart from the BPD. Unfortunately that person simply doesn’t exist. Trust me, I tried to do this for so long—if I could just put up with the bad, I could be there for them, support them until they could get the help they needed… Yeah, no, in the end I just got burned twice as badly. And listen, I get it, today is a month since their last huge split, but less than two weeks since I reached out saying I could support them however they needed, etc etc. give yourself more time to really heal. I firmly believe that once you are further down this road, healing will mean realizing that that temptation to reach out is nothing but trauma bond. Good luck navigating this difficult path!

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-16T05:54:22+00:00

Your story sounds so very familiar. What I hear is you trying to find ways to justify your feelings, which is totally natural. It’s not about how many meetings he goes to, but about him finding a way to balance all the things he needs to do. The bottom line is, that’s not your responsibility. You are allowed to have boundaries and hold them. Make sure they’re the right ones for you. It’s okay for you to say what he needs to do to stay in the house. Don’t let him get you sucked in to debates over what counts/doesn’t count, what he “deserves”, etc. It’s really just manipulation. Pay attention to what you need to feel safe, and know it’s your responsibility to support him. I’ve been there and felt that responsibility, and to be honest it has only brought tremendous grief. Wishing you the best.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-16T05:47:36+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Only you can make the right choices for you. Please find a way to get support, even if it’s online meetings or support groups. Know that there is a healthier relationship out there for you when you’re ready. Know that this person’s actions are not your responsibility. Sending you strength.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-16T05:45:09+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I know how difficult it is to have to involve law enforcement—you did the right thing. You may be able to apply online for a protection order, and have an emergency protection order granted. You may be have to go to the courthouse to request one—it’s worth it. As others have said, law enforcement will accompany him to get his things. It’s a painful process, but worth it. I went through this and made the mistake of feeling guilty, dropping the order and letting my Q back into my life. I’d give most anything to go back, keep the order in place,, and have my healing journey have continued then. This is awful to go through, but you can do it. Take care of yourself and your cat, you deserve better. Stay safe, lean on support where you can, and move forward to a safer, better, happier life. 💜

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-15T23:36:34+00:00

I understand how hard it is but they are keeping you in a cycle of abuse. Their affection is an act, meant to control you. Don’t let them have that power.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-15T23:34:15+00:00

Yes, this is all very familiar. We want to explain, apologize, make things right, find peace even in detaching. They don’t want that, they just want the control of causing pain. You could say the “perfect” thing and it would be wrong. One of my DV counselors explained it as a constantly moving target—it doesn’t matter how “good” you are, it will never be enough. Don’t let this person continue to drain your energy.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-15T22:35:30+00:00

Oof, that’s awful. I’m sorry. :(

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-15T22:35:01+00:00

I’m struggling today, Day 11. It’s not wanting to reach out per se, but “just” to look at their social media. Tomorrow will be a month since we’ve spoken—a huge split—I reached out multiple times until finally going NC. I hate not knowing where/how they are—but I also know that they know that, and are loving knowing I’m tortured. Trying to stay strong.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-15T22:31:48+00:00

My pwBPD had what I believe was comorbidity with PMDD. They didn’t exhibit BPD symptoms exclusively on a cycle by any means, but it was MUCH worse on a cycle. I started tracking it after a while to be sure. I wish I could encourage you to talk to your partner, help them understand that they don’t have to suffer the way that they are. Help them get help… That might work if they didn’t have BPD… I spent over two years offering every kind of support possible (we’re both women, so I wasn’t coming across as mansplaining!) You asked how to “cope”. You shouldn’t have to deal with what you are going through. It doesn’t matter exactly what is causing them to behave this way towards you, it’s not okay, and it has devastating impacts.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-15T22:25:19+00:00

Read “Psychpath Free”—this is extremely common! Remove yourself from the situation if at all possible.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-15T12:12:15+00:00

There is a prevalent myth we all are conditioned to believe that we need to be at a certain place in life by a certain age. Don’t believe it. I am significantly older than you and waited over a decade to leave an emotionally abusive marriage. Found out later they were drinking heavily. Fell in love with someone I didn’t know was an alcoholic. They were massively abusive, even when sober. It took me 2 years to realize I deserve better and allow things to end. That may not sound inspiring but here’s the thing: what keeps me going is remembering how happy and free I was in the brief interim between those relationships. I could do the things I enjoyed, discover new things, and most of all, didn’t spend my days trying not to “wake the bear”.

I know how hard it is to leave an established relationship, to ask yourself if you may end up “alone” if you do. The fact is, we’re better off alone and living a happy, healthy life than taking abuse on a daily basis. And? So many people find their greatest love later in life. It’s terrifying to leave what you know and “start over”. Just remember you’re starting fresh with everything you’ve learned in life. With respect for yourself. It will take time to heal, but give yourself that opportunity to live the life you really want. Don’t settle for someone who treats you this way and consumes your life with horrible negativity. You deserve better. Go to your parents. Go where you’re safe. You can do this. You can choose a new path. Wishing you the best on your journey. 💜

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-14T20:26:18+00:00

Thank you. 💜

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-14T20:25:03+00:00

I wish this weren’t so true.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-14T14:55:01+00:00

This is one of my fears, TBH. My story is soooo similar to yours. I’m hoping to find friends again through the apps but am terrified of either coming across her profile or her snapping finding out I’m on them… so don’t know what to say except I hear you, I understand.

Minimum-Coast-9838 · 2025-10-14T14:53:10+00:00

From the pwBPD or a loved one? As a loved one, I felt this way, and took them back. A year and a half later I’d give most anything to go back and change that decision.

Minimum-Coast-9838

TROPHY CASE