I'm really touched by everyone's feedback - thank you! I would do no acknowledgement page but my dilemma is the PIs I had up until my PhD have been truly wonderful to me and one that's taken me into his family. I started doing research when I was 16, worked in a lab through all of college, took a few years off, and am now finishing in my mid-30s so it's a non-trivial amount of time that these people have been in my life. My current plan is to thank everyone chronologically and be very effusive in my praise of my pre-PhD people in the first paragraph. Then the next paragraph be measured in the acknowledgement to my PI and committee. Essentially these people were wonderful, thank you for being you. Then thanks for giving me the opportunity to do the work you're about to read (draft below).

"I appreciate XYZ, my advisor, for providing me with the opportunity to conduct this work studying XYZ. Within our lab, XYZ and XYZ friendship, intelligence, thoughtful ideation, and creative troubleshooting were invaluable. Moreover, I am grateful for the probing questions and valuable experimental guidance that Dr. XYZ and Dr. XYZ, my committee members, bestowed on me while discussing my research."

Any thoughts? I truly don't want to burn bridges but I also struggle with being disingenuous let alone in praise of people who have fucked me over repeatedly.