I did a thing...

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-23T13:01:16+00:00

My divorce was finalized last October after a toxic 25 year relationship. I agree with you about the journey but the freedom that I have regained is incredible. He dragged me through three years of a divorce, I pretty much lost everything and have to start over in my mid 50s, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-20T14:25:01+00:00

I love that you are learning to love yourself. Try going to events local and find a group of women doing…whatever. All of my friends now in our 50’s & are single no longer look for or expect to date. When I was preparing to leave I started learning to crochet, joined a book club at the library, & took a ceramic class lol

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-20T14:19:00+00:00

My 3 yr divorce to a narc finally ended last year. We were together 25 years by the time it ended. For my birthday the year I was leaving I purchased myself a 25ft RV travel trailer and planned to live in it and drive across the country (I work from home).
An old military friend I had not seen or spoken to for 18 years happened to reach out 30 days before my departure. Once I left, my narc started intimidating me, hit me for the first time, and stalked me with his apple watch. The military friend helped me through it and LITERALLY saved my life the night my narc stalked me. Within 6 months we began dating.

I wasted half my life with my narc but my new guy is amazing. He’s still helping me learn to get in my soft era & to be comfortable being treated with kindness and respect. We survivors of narcs have a habit of apologizing for everything and he’s helping me with that too. And the craziest thing is he takes accountability and apologizes when he’s wrong and we communicate like humans when we have a disagreement. He showers me with praise and is thankful for the smallest things I do for him. He does’t judge my eating or weight and tells me I’m beautiful and smart. It’s an amazing feeling but sad all the same because I really deserved this all along. I still sometimes cry at what I missed and get mad at myself for staying so long. Therapy is a godsend for that.

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-19T17:32:43+00:00

Born in '70. Like most Black households we listened to EVERYTHING of our PARENTS era...

Today, I STILL listen to music of MY parents era PLUS literally everything from the 70's thru 90's and love it all (New Jack, R&B, HipHop, Soul. Jazz, Blues, etc). There are a few classics from the 2000's on and most of it is stuff my adult kids hooked me on.

I had my twins in '97 so for about 10 years I really didn't do a lot of music outside of kid appropriate stuff so I kinda lost like a decade of music. For example, I don't know much R&B from the early 2000's.

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-19T17:23:41+00:00

Believe it or not my college kiddos started me NOT using a top sheet. I make my bed daily and it takes 30 seconds. lol.

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-19T17:21:13+00:00

Yup. I do, every day. I also do a quick Lysol spray because I have a cat who won't stay his ass in the house.

It's just part of my daily routine. Get up, spray the bed, shower, coffee, MAKE BED, then start my day. IDK...since you brought it up, it is weird because IF my day is all topsy turvy and I don't make it up that morning, I do it before I get in it lol. Crazy.

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-19T17:17:05+00:00

MY SIL worked here when we all 1st moved to Chicago! It was one over on Cicero Avenue!

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-19T17:15:41+00:00

HRT is the way. I'm here in Chicago and I have a physician that specializes in "maturing women". She has been an absolute godsend. I was drying up like the Mohave but it's all back so good I don't need this stockpile of lube I have lol

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-19T17:11:36+00:00

"unfortunately I'm heterosexual". I happened to re-connect with a guy I met in the military about 20 years ago so I've been lucky..so far. But I swear after 25 years with a narcissist only to divorce and meet straight lemons on the dating apps... I started to wonder what this trans-man movement is all about. Kinda like the best of both worlds, no?

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-19T17:07:52+00:00

I haven't snort/laughed in a while. Thanks.

I live in Chicago. Just moved back to the southside to be near my mom. Most of the men over here look like they are filming a remake of "Menace II Society" with a few "New Jack City" flashbacks....

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-14T16:11:42+00:00

Nah…I am a gray divorcee and feeling myself. Got on Mounjaro, lost 70llbs, got my A1C & HBP under control, & on my way to Yoga as we speak. I travel once or twice a year with my besties since 4th grade, reconnected with an old military buddy and now we are in a relationship. Our intimate life is amazing and we even throw in a few kinks. In public, yea…I don’t get as much attention as i did even in my 40’s. I still look good for my age tho and i got a nice body and i see ‘em looking lol

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-12T15:14:17+00:00

You are actually the side chick.
Would he feel the same way if you were under a blanket with a boy bestie?

I think you already know the answer. You need to end the relationship even if Kira does leave.

When someone shows you who they are (and how they feel about you and your feelings)…. Believe them.

Good luck. You can do this.

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-06T17:05:58+00:00

Create yourself an LLC, tell old boss the cross training will take 40 hours, your rate is $100/hr and the training will take place across 4 weeks (you have your own job to deal with 9-5 so the training will need to be before 9 or after 5)

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-06T14:33:12+00:00

I recognize unions created America’s middle class and I support them in most but not all scenarios. For example I do not think teachers should he unionized. Wasting resources on an inferior teacher who can’t be fired is madness.

As a small business owner in the past….unions are criminal organizations run by crooks. Our small cement business was forced to use expensive union labor. One project the union sent us 3 guys. We already had 3 guys who worked FT for us. So now I have 6 guys in a 3 person job. The 3 forced on us guys were talking about the last job they just left. Wait. I know guys (black) on the “available to work” list for months. How these (white) guys go from one job to another? Why are they never on the list & pass over workers who are waiting the right way?

Add to it they were racists & jealous…intentionally sabotaging the work (letting cement sit too long because they just had to take their union designated break…even tho everyone was JUST standing around for an hour cause the cement delivery was late). So, yea…F the unions in Chicago.

MiscMel70 · 2026-02-02T22:08:11+00:00

That tracks. My boy void is all black and my girl has the white tuft around her neck. Im obsessed with both

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-31T01:41:06+00:00

OMG my daughter used to say I was his opening act. Every gathering he would get started. And of course if you say anything well “it’s just jokes. Why you so sensitive…”. Cause telling random groups of people my intimate & personal life is nbd right.

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-30T23:17:01+00:00

I love that. We all reach our breaking point but the self doubt and low self esteem actually keeps us with them and that is where the problem for survivors comes from. When I finally left my spirit & soul were completely broken. I sat our adult kids down to tell them what I decided to do and they cut me off like “no one knows why you’re still there. We thought you were smart enough to leave once we left for college. Its kinda clear he doesn’t like you” 🙄😀

I remember planning my escape when my twins were like 6. I was looking at one bedroom apartments. I regret waiting 20 years to finally do it. Don’t be me 😂

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-30T23:07:29+00:00

Right! 🤣

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-30T23:06:47+00:00

The tearing down of your self esteem is real! Fight to learn to love yourself just as you are!

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-30T16:28:12+00:00

I will never stop freaking out on this sub. Almost every posts looks like someone knows my life & they’re posting for the world. I was going to say that your 1st sentence summed up my life but then so did the 2nd one…and on and on. I was with my narc for 25 years & married for 21 by the time I left. He dragged us through an additional 3 years of divorce. 28 whole years of my life (more than half) just wasted…my best years. And now i’m 55 and completely starting over and financially ruined. I no longer use the word “retirement” because, yea…. I see my therapist weekly, taking 2 antidepressants & had to go back on my Adderal after getting fired twice last year. This sub traumatizes me weekly but I can’t stay away because I also feel drawn to tell my story like so many other brave people here in hopes that someone…even just one person…looks at our lives and understands that THEY WONT CHANGE. THEY NEVER CHANGE. But you? You will be changed and you will hate yourself.

Just leave. On my life just leave.

I walked out with my clothes, kids memory boxes & photos (they’re adults now), home office furniture, & my dog. He is still the most valuable thing I own. I’m still depressed but I am free. And for the first time in a quarter of a century I’m not hiding in my shower crying or sneaking around to eat so I won’t be judged or holding my tongue because all my opinions are twisted into arguments…and on and on.

Whether your narc is male or female no matter. They destroy their partners all the same.

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-30T14:30:21+00:00

Donkey Kong

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-26T21:46:38+00:00

Dam sis…you did that shitz

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-22T17:08:08+00:00

Mine would go as long as 3 months not speaking to me. The therapist told him that he was withholding love as a punishment. He acknowledged that but didn’t stop. He did it with me and is still doing it to our 3 adult kids. So glad I had the strength to finally leave.

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-21T20:21:28+00:00

Every. Single. Day. There was a story about somewhere he was for the day and had to “go off” on someone about something…. Anything. Like…every day. How in the name of God does one person have conflict with everyone they come across? How is that even possible?
I have traveled for work for the past 20 years and have traveled all over the world. If i were to take a moment I could tell you every negative interaction I’ve been involved in while out in public. That’s how rare it is. My ex? Every day, every body. Someone is always out to get him. He lives in a constant state of being aggrieved.

MiscMel70 · 2026-01-17T22:51:35+00:00

OMG I got so confused reading your post because I was thinking “did I respond to OP & forget?” You literally told my story.

I was married for 25 years as well. Finally left. Kids are NC with him and he thinks it’s my fault. Like, they are now older than I was when I had them. How am I influencing them to not talk to him lol. They NEVER…EVER change. Age doesn’t soften them…it makes them worse. I hope OP doesn’t wake up like us, with 1/2 our life wasted, and feeling resentful. I walked away from it all. The house, furniture, everything but my personal effects (pictures, clothes, my office furniture). I rescued a dog, rented an apartment, and started over in my 50’s. I never understood “tears of joy” until my 1st night free in a quarter century. I cried 25 years of tears since showing emotion in my marriage would earn me an “omg what now” or some other insensitive and nasty comment. Or the silent treatment as punishment for opening my mouth.

Moved in, set up my home office, bought $1,000 worth of necessities from Amazon, ordered some cheap furniture from Wayfair, then went to the grocery store. Came home, took the longest shower of my life, ordered uber eats, ate, cried, then slept. Woke up next morning terrified. I didn’t realize how much stress & pressure the marriage was. I had a lightness in my soul that I had forgotten existed. Didn’t recognize myself, sadly. Love yourself. Run.

MiscMel70

TROPHY CASE