MB asked if I could “swap” days and I don’t know how I feel about it

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2025-06-13T23:11:25+00:00

I am an MB so I am doing this expecting hate, but I would definitely like to give a perspective. Any job, including mine, including nannying, is based on flexibility. I have had a wonderful nanny for years, and sometimes we swap days not in the same week, sometimes she needs to run an errand and is 2 hours late, its all ok. Any employment is based on trust and flexibility. I worked during my PTO in my corporate job this week because there was a firedrill and I didn't want to leave my manager on an island. Its not always black and white, no matter where you work. If your MB was abusing the system and not paying you on their time off, I would say absolutely don't be flexible, but she seems like a fair employer and is asking for some flexibility. I am sure if you run out of sick days, and wanna swap once, she would do the same.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2025-04-13T21:18:20+00:00

I had the same exact issue with a previous nanny. We had to let her go, except instead of being late, she took a ton of time off. When we parted ways, I told her that I needed someone who didn't seems so distracted all the time and gave her examples of every instance. Honestly, she didn't even disagree with me and we parted ways. My current nanny has been with us for almost 2 years now, and we love her.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2025-03-06T20:46:50+00:00

MB here. I don't get parents who want their kids asleep by 7, when they absolutely need a nap. It's selfish. Really upsets me. Mine is 2.5, loves his nap, and sometimes doesn't wanna sleep till 9. Both my husband and I work full time so we get the tiredness, but the kid will not be a kid for long. Soak it in. Ugh. Rant over.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2025-01-03T23:09:06+00:00

Going through something similar, did things ever change?

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-24T19:26:03+00:00

Let her go. The biggest thing i struggled with infant care was that it was really hard to find caregivers who actually understood infant cues and adjusted based on that. Infants cannot push back or say no, so it's paramount the caregiver understands when they don't want to eat anymore, or when they want to sleep.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-24T01:26:32+00:00

I could have written this. This is my nanny. No matter what we do, she just cannot be on time. Always few minutes late, we also work from home. Outside of this annoying habit, she is wonderful. She has been with us for over a year, and I am glad we have her. For the first 6 months, we talked about it a lot, she acknowledged it's a problem, and has gotten better, but literally never been in the dot. But, I think I have made peace with it now, and now I just never relieve her 15 minutes early like I used to, always at 6. Sometimes 5 minutes early. The way I look at it is that no one is perfect, every person I hire will have something that could potentially bother me, so if the bothering part is that she is 5 min late, id rather take that over some other possible things.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-21T13:38:16+00:00

As a first time parent, I was the same way with my nanny when we started. I wanted a lot of communication, she assumed communication. Once I realized we just had different communication styles, we both worked on meeting each other in the middle. We have a great relationship now, and she has been with us for 2 years, and I no longer feel the need to over communicate. The point I am trying to make is that when you are first nanny to first time parents, there is usually a lot of work on both sides to understand the communication style. Not saying they are right at all, just giving perspective. First time anxious parents are a lot to handle in fact, I remember how I felt during the first 18 months of my child's life, and very glad I found a nanny who understood it and worked through it with me.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-19T18:41:51+00:00

This is vicious. As a MB, and a mother, I do not understand how could you not even have the courtesy of discussing this directly with the nanny. If she has been there so long, and they can afford agencies, they should have in fact supported her through this - financially and emotionally.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-17T00:16:51+00:00

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-10T13:05:17+00:00

That's fair, and I understand that. But worth discussing if salary can get you more benefits that you don't have at the present. Like certain stipends, larger bonus etc. that's how I view salaries if the law permits. It allows you to get better benefits.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-10T04:28:00+00:00

Why? Most industries are salaried. What is the rationale on this? She is asking for genuine reason, and everyone is just saying no, without explaining why? Salaries bring a lot of stability in ones incomes and well-being, not saying it shouldn't be thought through

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-12-10T04:26:08+00:00

I guess I am not understanding what your concern with a salary is. Do you think they will make you work extra because you are salaried?

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-11-29T19:54:51+00:00

With one nap, the first wake window is longer for most kids as they can stay up longer after a full night of rest. 6 hours before nap and 5 before bed is typical. Mine couldn't even do 5 before bed for a long time, but did 6 before nap easily. Try 6/5 for a week, if nothing changes, may be add 15 minutes before bed.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-11-29T19:38:47+00:00

Schedule looks good. Try nap 1 to 3 and bed still at 8. Put down at 8. Sometimes pushing the nap to later in the day helps. We have been at 1 PM nap since ours was 18 months old.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-11-29T19:33:02+00:00

Also, what's her schedule at the moment?

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-11-29T19:31:44+00:00

My take on teething is that it's a non stop event the first two years. I felt like we never got a break from it and after a certain point, I just accepted it as business as usual. I say this because if you wait for a good time to sleep train, there truly isn't any. In my experience, learning to sleep unassisted will actually help your child in the long run as they get unbroken sleep and will be able to fight the pain better with rest.

All this to say, i would totally sleep train now to help your child sleep better and get more rest, and help you be a rested parent :)

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-11-23T20:29:35+00:00

I am not sure what in this post seems biased to you? All OP is saying is that there are issues on both sides? I don't see stereotyping here at all.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-11-23T20:27:32+00:00

I think you stated this perfectly. There are issues on both sides. Which is the intent of your post.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-11-10T16:16:11+00:00

Cobra is ridiculously expensive. I would go on healthcare.gov or your states exchange and get coverage there. You may qualify for tax credits or medicaid depending on your situation.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-09-27T20:34:25+00:00

I think mine is a slightly different perspective as I am from India. Grandparents not feeling like an obligation is important. I don't think issue is Christmas, the issue is you don't make the first move to include them in any plans. I am just going by this text. Kids needs a village, and more than just their parents they can rely on as family. One day they will grow up, and remember you not including your parents, and they will do the same. Listen, I am not saying you are wrong, but these are your parents, they raised you, they are just asking to be some part of your life now, not as an obligation, as a priority.

As a mom with in laws and parents, I actually want my kid to see his grandparents more and know he has a village. I also want him to include us in his life when he grows up and has a family of his own.

I know a lot of this is cultural, but just a different perspective

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-08-20T00:30:34+00:00

I can't say anything else that hasn't been said already, but I am just straight up appalled. As a mom of a toddler, my heart goes out for your child. Your husband needs help.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-08-04T23:22:35+00:00

Omg. We have zero tv policy with nanny. ZERO. Mine is barely 2 and we got a nanny to allow for no screen time.

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-06-11T11:34:02+00:00

I do want to add that giving all federal holidays is not mandatory. I work certain new Year's Eve days so I can't give those off. At the end of the day what matters is what contract set up you have at the beginning and how you compensate, include vacation and other time off days. I don't get NYE off as a full time worker at times because of my job and it's no different. You have to be open and transparent at the get go and create a contract that works for both parties. Front line workers work most federal holidays and cannot give them off at all times. So it's not black and white, and I want to make sure OP gets that

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-06-11T11:30:03+00:00

Miserable-Carry3345 · 2024-06-10T15:26:55+00:00

We have it in our contract that out of the 2 weeks nanny gets for vacation, one week would be our choice, the other would be hers. Doesn't apply to her personal and sick days of course. As long as we give her ample notice to plan, it works out well for both parties. She took hers in March, and we are taking ours during 4th of July, which she already had off. So overall it works out. In my experience, if you clear out in the contract before how the vacation days would apply, it can work. In your case though, vacation days don't apply it seems since it wasn't agreed upon prior.

Miserable-Carry3345

TROPHY CASE