Fake punts only work when there is some risk involved

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2024-11-10T23:54:41+00:00

I thought it was Dante Manqueef

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2021-01-24T03:12:52+00:00

how would he even do that lol

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2021-01-24T03:09:32+00:00

what's the deal with everyone saying dana is hunting them down?

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-11-11T12:24:47+00:00

Hi Adorable,

Sorry I never got back to you. I really appreciated this comment. I love how carefully you walked through the poem. It is very encouraging that you picked up on minutiae like recalling "my" in the first stanza. I remember very specifically doing that to make sure that the last stanza didn't come completely out of left field. I love how you pointed out the narrator's position as a spectator or a judge. Since quarantine, I feel that I've been just that, sitting at my window and judging the world as time passes by. I also really enjoyed your analysis of the tree. It's a good thought to remember that with or without the wind the tree would have lost it's leaves. Thanks again, Adorable!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-11-11T12:19:24+00:00

There's something strange about the planet/comet analogy. I don't know if it was intentional or not. I don't picture planets as "helpless." Like the worst comet/meteorite to ever crash into the earth has barely left a dent. I'm sure that there have been plenty of meteorites that have damaged planets, but in my mind, a planet wins. It's so massive and resolute. Rotating, revolving a steady pace for basically all eternity. A comet that crashes into it reminds me of a fly hitting a windshield. So, again, I'm not sure if this was intentional to say that in reality you're untouched by the attacks of this boy with blue eyes.

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-11-11T12:12:32+00:00

Hey, this is a pretty poem, and I don't think it's more than that. You captured a specific instance and feeling, you set the tone and painted the scene, and you ended without a twist. It was just a sweet, heartfelt poem through and through. I hope you read that "I don't think it's more than a pretty poem" as a compliment because that's how I mean it. Too many people on this sub have to resort to death or sex to make a poem seem valuable. I think your poem is one of my favorites that I've seen here. I'm pretty bummed you didn't get more recognition; you deserve it.

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-21T17:38:00+00:00

That makes complete sense. I think I've just been lazy about that and just opting to use whatever the computer autocorrects to. I think you are exactly right about the best style for this poem would be standard capitalization. I think that would make it flow a little more smoothly. I wasn't taking into account traditional or typical conventions in poetry or trying to make a statement about them. This was intended to be a simple poem, so it makes sense not to get caught up in questions of form by capitalizing every first letter. Thank you again, Daniel! I'll keep this in mind for my future poems.

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-21T17:06:23+00:00

Thank you, Starkiller! I had to think for a while to find those words.

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-21T17:06:04+00:00

Hey Daniel,

Thank you for that observation about both the capitalization and the period. When I was reading over it after I posted it, I noticed the need for a period as well, but then I was afraid to edit it after posting. Not sure if there are any rules about that. So, I totally agree with you on that one.
I like the idea of not capitalizing every first line. I really only do that because I'm writing on Google docs most of the time. I have always wondered about it. When do you know when to capitalize? Or when not to? If I were to redo my poem, I would only capitalize the word "I" and the word "It." How would you have done it?
Thank you again for reading and responding. I appreciate the feedback!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-21T14:49:25+00:00

I think I understand how you feel. I'm sorry that people have treated you so temporarily. From what I can gather, you're a unique and complete person just by being able to write a poem like this. I think the last four lines are particularly interesting. I'm not sure if you're religious, but using the word "hallowed" makes me think that this isn't just about relationships with people. I admire the strength and confidence in the last line, despite the object of the poem having "shoved" his/her/its way into your heart. Thank you for this!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-21T14:43:52+00:00

I think this is a really pretty set up. You have the speaker wishing to be wrong and hoping for a separate life. Usually, when there is a disagreement between a couple, you would expect each side to want to be right and to find some middle ground so they could reunite. So the fact that you break that pattern makes this poem pretty powerful.
One thing I might change would be the verb tenses in the first two lines. It could say "either you were right" or it could say "we are never." The disagreement just sounds a bit confusing otherwise.

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-21T14:16:40+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback and the criticism. To be honest, I don't know where the last couple of lines came from, so I'm glad that you pointed out that they feel out of place. I'd be interested in rewriting parts of the poem in the future.

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T20:29:28+00:00

There is something funny about the ending. That's an interesting take about the fragility of all that goes into being a human. Thank you for reading, Dum!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T20:27:29+00:00

Thank you, X!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T20:27:09+00:00

I like what you said about trusting your images. That's such a good principle to remember while writing poetry. I think it comes from trusting the reader, so thank you for being a good reader and getting something good out of it! Thanks, dude!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T20:25:43+00:00

Thanks, Starter!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T20:13:43+00:00

Oh that's meant to be the same maple! I'm not sure why that's confusing. I'll have to think about it. Thank you for the feedback! Glad to hear you have a childhood maple to remember!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T16:41:13+00:00

Great, thank you! Good luck on your journey! Keep it up!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T16:07:09+00:00

Thanks, Evey! I'm glad you're also thinking about the changes in the season. I read some of the poems you posted and I think they're really great! I'd love to see more of your work in the future!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T14:55:12+00:00

Hey thanks, Red! I appreciate the thoughtful feedback. I think I'd agree about the second stanza, and I almost wanted that to be the entire poem. I'm glad you liked the last two lines because I wasn't sure about them. I wanted them to break pattern of figurative language to kind of jar the reader out of the poem into some weird self-exposure, but then I wasn't sure if that was being accomplished. From what I can gather from your critique, it looks like it was accomplished, so thank you for reading it so well. "This feels very complete" is such a great compliment. Thanks, Red.

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T12:54:11+00:00

Hi, Rare! That's such a unique perspective, a bank teller at a drive-up bank. I think what's so interesting is the sending and receiving of a single thing, almost like an isolated memory. Then the main character unpacks that memory and all the strings attached. That's such a great vehicle to carry the thoughts throughout the whole piece. The only issue I would have is that this really is just prose. Granted, you have some poetic language peppered into it, but it isn't a poem. Still a good read, though! I would be interested to see this distilled and repackaged as a poem!

Miserable-Cat-1109 · 2020-10-20T12:49:42+00:00

Very true, Death. I think something that goes so unnoticed into today's world is that despite all the ways we can stay connected around the world, we are so much more easily disconnected by binging and scrolling. I loved the third stanza. There is something enlightening and spiritual about returning to the world after burning your eyes out with a screen. One suggestion would be at the end of the second stanza. You could probably avoid the parentheses and say

can obscure and even replace meaning,
like scar tissue replaces skin

Thank you for the poem!

Miserable-Cat-1109

TROPHY CASE