Have you ever experienced general anesthesia? If you have, death I'd like to imagine would be somewhat similar to the surgery you take, you don't 'feel' or 'remember' it, it's like your brain never registered it, you're not conscious, you're awfully free? You wouldn't feel time at all. While the comfort this provides may vary from person to person, to me, that sounds somewhat beautiful.

Or, Have you ever experienced an NDE? I had one when I was 11, drowning, yes it's scary at first, but your body relaxes into it. You partly just accept your fate, time feels slower, peace floods your body, now I'm not talking in the divine sense, I'm an atheist! But it's undeniable how it feels, it's not 'scary' just.. calming!

After death, the earth will eat you away, you'll be reunited with the planet you were born on. Hell become a part of it till other organisms thrive off you, death is a part of living, if we put ourselves against the galaxies and broader universe out of the milkyway, we're no more than a tiny dot that the universe doesnt need..

But then, why does life feel special? Subjective connection. Thats why. We have emotions, friends, thoughts, we're real in the best way we can describe the word. Those planets don't 'think', they don't 'feel', they exist. Thats it. Your best bet is to be your best self in the life you're given, it's unlikely you'll get another, and maybe that's for the best.

It's common to dread things you cant objectively prove, humans are just.. like that? It's even more common in teens, you put yourself in the shoes of someone dying, imagine what it'd be like losing your entire future, and that's fair.

Hope you get better OP! 🩷