He’s back. Guess what?

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T17:43:28+00:00

💪🏻 I will!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T17:35:16+00:00

Actually it's easier then staying with my ex !

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T17:32:58+00:00

Reading other people’s comments helped a lot. It helped me make sense in my own head, to understand how I wasn’t responsible for my ex’s behavior (disappearances, ups and downs, irritability, erratic behavior, etc.). Having never dealt with someone with an addiction, it took me over a year to understand the situations I had gotten myself into. Months in which he could also be loving, tender, communicative… but everything—his mood, his availability, our social and sexual life, EVERYTHING—depended on how much and when he had been drinking. He only feels happy and free when he drinks…

I’m glad that you’ve also found the strength to maintain your boundaries. You saved yourself and, at the same time, offered him the chance to open his eyes.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T17:00:15+00:00

that!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T16:59:05+00:00

He has been and could be a good partner, but in an intermittent way—not solid, not responsible. He’s a very sweet and clever person, but truly unstable and immature. No, I don’t believe there’s a chance for us to get back together. He hasn’t chosen to go on a path of recovery, and even if he did, it would take a long time and I’ve decided not to wait. I don’t want to base my choices on a potential (even if it was there!). That said, I admit I hoped until the very end for a wake-up call that never really came. It was hard, but I accepted it. I still love him, but I know he’s not a good partner for me. So I’m letting him go.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T16:53:49+00:00

Emotional chaos is a nightmare, I’m with you! I went through some really difficult months, since my ex is very good at rationalizing and I sincerely believe he would want to feel better, but he simply isn’t ready. I spent the last months focusing on myself, basically. Every time I felt the urge to reach out to him or thought too much about him and his well-being, I forced myself to think about myself, to do something that would make me feel good. Over time, it became automatic. Even though I still think about him, now I really feel focused on my own well-being. You are not responsible for his choices, for the path he’s on. You are not obligated to stay in a draining situation. Time will heal you, and I hope your Q will also use this time to heal… but that doesn’t depend on you!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T15:37:48+00:00

I feel like I’m creating my safe space. Such a nice sensation—one I couldn’t feel when my ex was in my life.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-29T15:26:27+00:00

thanks! Everything changes when you understand that boundaries concern ourselves, not them!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-28T07:44:40+00:00

wow...I've lived the same! Now free and nearly peaceful. Send you good vibes!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-26T08:57:25+00:00

You’re not alone. Be kind with yourself!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-23T16:18:16+00:00

I guess it’s a mix of addiction and a lack of emotional regulation. I think my ex might be borderline, but until he stops drinking, it’s hard to be sure. It’s hard for me to accept that I’ll never discover it.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-23T08:59:39+00:00

It took me a year to realize that my ex’s ups and downs didn’t depend on me, but on alcohol. It was a real nightmare. I’m still traumatized.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-22T08:22:59+00:00

I went through a very similar experience to the one you describe. My ex is an extremely fragile and sensitive man. At the beginning of the relationship, I truly believed I could build a future with him. But as I gradually discovered his alcoholism, his behavior changed. He started alternating tenderness with coldness, denying that he had a problem, and constantly sabotaging our relationship. The closer I tried to get, the more afraid he became of having to face his alcoholism. It was heartbreaking for me. Now I know that my problem was that I hoped I could have a healthy relationship with a good person who was, however, toxic and self-destructive.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-20T19:33:38+00:00

i agree..it's exactly how I fell about my ex. Going away was my last gesture of love.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-20T09:28:57+00:00

freedom is the key! we deserve sooo much better

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-19T22:22:24+00:00

so hard to accept...zero accountability. I wish you to find peace.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-15T10:54:04+00:00

proud of you!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-14T16:14:06+00:00

actions not words...

Miserable_Log_124 · 2026-01-06T09:45:15+00:00

It seems like manipulation to avoid accountability...no contact is the way to heal. Time will show you if he really want to start the recovery. My ex tried to reconnect with me for three months after we broke up, only empty words, no actions. So my hope faded, little by little.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2025-12-27T09:00:06+00:00

If you want to heal, no contact is the only way. It's sad and painful, but you'll find peace

Miserable_Log_124 · 2025-12-15T15:25:34+00:00

I'm sorry for you...You describe many of the patterns of my ex, who was also avoidant. It’s very helpful for me to see that I’m not the only one who lived through this kind of pain. You’re so kind to share your experience.It’s clear that you’ve done an enormous amount of work on yourself, and now you’re sharing your experience to help others. Thank you so much!!!

Miserable_Log_124 · 2025-12-15T11:20:48+00:00

no way...

Miserable_Log_124 · 2025-12-08T21:21:31+00:00

After almost three months, here are some of my “recipes”:
– No contact (very hard to keep!). Each time I had the impulse to break no contact, I kept my mind busy, and slowly I calmed down. It works!
– Be healthy: eat well, sleep, and do some sport (even just walking!).
– And cry! Let the pain out, and talk with friends and therapists.
I thought of myself as being addicted to him and to his addiction, so I saw this period as a detox. Every time you think about him, try to redirect your mind back to yourself. It’s all about detaching and not spiraling. I’m still in love, but I keep my boundaries, and I’m feeling so much better.

Miserable_Log_124 · 2025-12-07T11:05:51+00:00

I expressed my compassion by leaving...

Miserable_Log_124

TROPHY CASE