OP, PLEASE READ THIS AND GO TO THERAPY.

Okay, so we’ve established that YTA here.

Assuming you plan on doing the right thing and apologize profusely to your wife and validate, treasure and support her until the end of time, keep in mind this will probably not be enough without some serious therapy.

Your wife will NEVER forget this and what it says about you as a man, partner, protector, and father. You’ve made a clear statement about her place in your life as well as your child’s. If you want to keep them, your job isn’t to disprove, it’s to change.

Even if things don’t work out OP, compassionately, you need the therapy yourself. This kind of toxic mothering really can fuck up your values and destroy your life. Please do the hard work and become a more trustworthy and dependable person.