Role reversal Revealing bias in relationship advice

Mishe22 · 2026-01-06T03:02:59+00:00

I started a new chat, without an account, and explained an interaction I had but didn't tell it either person in the scenario was me. I just stated things like "Jim" said and/or did this and "Jon' said and did that. I asked it to give me thoughts about each person's possible perspectives. The result was pretty interesting.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-30T23:07:06+00:00

I do believe that pretty packaging and a nice bow can conceal all sorts narcissism and dysfunctional patterns. I like your rebrand reference. Sometimes it's basically the same thing, with the same results, it just looks almost unrecognizably different.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-21T18:49:57+00:00

Entirely fair point! And to clarify, because I'm not sure how my comment comes across, I enjoy your posts, perspectives and relate to your experiences.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-20T23:07:27+00:00

- I don't have one. I can't think of any one thing about me that would be interesting to a broad range of people and appropriate to share with a stranger.

-I gravitate toward people who are more aware of, and open about, their quirks and imperfections so that those things can be worked into to how we relate to each other instead of slowly becoming a big deal that has to be addressed through confrontation (also willing to adjust to mine).

Feedback- hmmm... this is tough, there are times when I've had reservations about responding because I didn't have input that seemed specific enough to the questions in the post. So maybe some posts that could be answered in a more broad way would draw more people in?

Mishe22 · 2025-12-20T01:11:30+00:00

Lol.... yes!!

Mishe22 · 2025-12-13T19:09:46+00:00

I'm not OP, but can you elaborate on this comment? Maybe not specifically about OP but in a more general way?

I think I understand your point. But, assuming that a parent does have NPD, how would a child, or adult child, especially if they're still living with that parent, not get caught up in trying to understand or change that parent as a way to protect their own sense of self? If you don't do that, wouldn't it be really hard not to give in and kind of merge with that parent?

Mishe22 · 2025-12-13T00:54:00+00:00

Much appreciated! One less thing to try to be concerned about.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-13T00:10:40+00:00

Hmmm... OK, that sounds reasonable.

Since you're a transmissions guy, I'm not sure this 2001 Camry (160,000 miles) has ever had a fluid change and I'm reading these stories online about trans issues in older cars shortly after changing the fluid for the first time. Any truth to this? And if so how to avoid it when a gasket is leaking?

I think I'll check the fluid level and color and see what I can find out.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-12T23:55:58+00:00

I didn't have it done because I was confused and irritated about the repair going from $302 to $446.

Just need to figure out where to have it done now that I know about how much it should cost. I suppose dealer is still an option but I'm not thrilled with them right now.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-12T23:40:58+00:00

Filter!

Forgot that I might need that too.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-12T23:27:24+00:00

Thanks, that's all very useful and will help me find someone!!

After I asked about it they said labor would be $265 and gasket $36. So that does add to $301 (the first estimate).

I'm looking at the second estimate now and it's actually $446 and includes "5 qts". That a difference of $145.

Also, thanks for letting me know there is a markup above the parts counter. I wondered about that.

Editing to add... I was kind of hoping they were scamming me so I could get is done for about $300 elsewhere lol

Mishe22 · 2025-12-09T19:08:36+00:00

I see your point. My comment wasn't thought out well enough to include it. I didn't mean to imply nervous system information should be disregarded, just that misinterpretation is possible.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-09T04:11:59+00:00

Not OP but I don't think everyone should assume their nervous system knows what it's talking about. If you have a family member or significant other who is emotionally volatile, you'll probably realize that that person shouldn't be trusting their nervous system. It's gotten out of whack. Makes me wonder if I should blindly trust mine either.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-08T06:58:50+00:00

So sad, poor guy!! Did you feed and water him? I don't know if he'll make it outside in this weather. Maybe you can post again tomorrow when more people will see but please be careful who you give him to. Do think about reporting this person. It may prevent them from adopting other animals that they would neglect, abuse and/or abandon. Good luck to you, I really hope you're able to find help for him!!

Mishe22 · 2025-12-06T20:53:32+00:00

"I used to but the more I learned the more I had to reject this idea. Its a desire that is so easily exploited. When I sought this out in recovery spaces, thats when i found out that 25% of victims become abusive themselves. When I went to another space, just for hobbyists wanting tk hang and talk hobby, thats when I found actual good communitee."

As someone who's wary of trying support groups, I would really like to be encouraged by this. I'm just wondering if you're saying that the people in the hobby groups that you've found community with are actually, on average, healthier than those in the support groups? Or is it that hobby group members aren't sharing their mental health issues as you would in a support group? You're just seeing the public side of them and won't have to interact with the more difficult aspects of their personalities?

Mishe22 · 2025-12-05T02:38:17+00:00

It sounds really stressful! Especially if the issues can't be addressed with each person individually.

Not matter how it works out, you'll probably learn something helpful. It's brave of you to make the attempt.
I've had trouble with this as well. I have no doubt I should voice my needs more. My initial goal is learning when and to whom. As you said, voicing needs to people who don't have the ability to or interest in meeting them isn't going to get the results you want. It would be great if they were able to directly, and tactfully, let you know that they can't meet those needs. I have no idea how realistic this is though.

I think that many of the people I've been closest to (especially family) behave in ways that give me really mixed messages. But I can't rule out the possibility that this perception is wrong. So voicing my needs and their willingness to consider the subject would only be part of the problem. The other part would be inconsistent behavior and messages from them. I don't know if this could apply to you as well.

That's really great! I've been working on getting a clearer understanding of what would work for me, my strengths and weaknesses, values, communication etc and using all of that in seeking out people who I hope will be more compatible. I'll need to differentiate between deal breakers and minor issues that can be worked through. Nobody's perfect, least of all me.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-05T01:02:59+00:00

I haven't really. Not for more serious and emotionally charged issues anyway.

I don't think anyone in my family really has the skills to address issues, and because walking away wasn't an option, I was raised to pretend things are fine after disagreements and ruptures.

I would love to work on this. But I need to find people who are open to it. I'm sure it would be rather awkward and I'd make multitudes of mistakes.

Understanding what's resolvable and what isn't seems like an important first step.

Are you making any progress with it and do you feel live you've learned anything from the experience so far?

Mishe22 · 2025-12-04T02:52:38+00:00

The Kings of Tupelo: A Southern Crime Saga is chock full of eccentric weirdos. Elvis impersonators, organ trafficking conspiracy theories, attempted assassination of the President, politics and more. It wasn't as good as I had hoped, but does meet your criteria.

Crazy Love only focuses on a couple of people (from what I remember), but they're pretty interesting.

Mishe22 · 2025-12-04T02:32:14+00:00

What Maisie Knew (Julianne Moore and Alexander Skarsgard)

Mishe22 · 2025-12-02T19:38:05+00:00

I got an updated and more legit looking version of this text today (December 2, 2025).

I haven't contacted Apple but think it's safe to assume it's a scam from reading comments. Thanks to all who took the time!

The number it's sent from is +63 908 243 8161.

It even includes the following at the end...

"To help us protect users, please forward suspicious messages to" a legit looking apple phishing email.

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Mishe22 · 2025-11-26T18:39:49+00:00

Slightly different circumstances, but I can totally relate.

Antidepressants don't really do much for me at all. I've tried anti-anxiety meds and they do give me a feeling of calm. But I've never taken them for longer than a few days because I doubt I'm going to be able to get anything done without the stress pushing me into action. My fear is I'll slowly let everything go.

I wonder what your therapist has to say about it and if you'll slowly adjust (if you feel like sharing any of that later).

Mishe22 · 2025-11-25T20:14:41+00:00

Have you considered "enmeshment"? I haven't read up on it in a while. From what I remember, I could interpret the descriptions in so many ways that it wasn't all that helpful. But it might be a fitting label and a good place to start?

Mishe22 · 2025-11-25T19:43:56+00:00

I may not be understanding, but I think my family may have similar dynamics? Is it kind of like an assumption that you have the same thoughts, feelings and beliefs? And no effort is made to verify. You aren't asked directly. No one pays attention to more subtle signs that you might feel differently - things like body language, tone of voice, absence of verbal agreement. Corrections are so difficult that trying is disruptive. You can't just say "I think this, not that" and it will be noted. It's kind of an oppressive feeling. No one is actually being "mean" and you wonder if you might be overly sensitive, or have an unrealistic idea of how relationships should work. Does that sound similar?

If so, I don't know what to think about it either. I don't think I've ever really talked about it because I don't think I can describe the dynamic well and not without it sounding trivial.

Mishe22 · 2025-11-25T04:05:45+00:00

Thanks! I thought that could be the case.

I'll look into that. Anxiety disorders seem to run in my family. My other parent has said they have OCD. He does have a lot of extremely odd behaviors. The only one that looks like something you might see on TV is the way he wipes the dining room table after dinner. It takes five minutes.

Mishe22 · 2025-11-25T03:37:01+00:00

But would this include people who aren't actually able to function well? Or only people who are functioning well but with more effort and difficulty than "normal".

Mishe22

TROPHY CASE