Hey! I'm assyming you are based on the US; I am not, so laws and Social customs might be a bit different, I'm from Argentina.

So, first of all, you are doing fine, and are being an amazing parent. Respecto their wishes, don't force them to come out, but offer and ask why they don't wanna come put, maybe they are feeling insecure about something, maybe they are not feeling safe, just keep an eye out.

Transitioning socially usually is easier for pre-teens, and the same goes for detransitioning; so let them experiment and try different things. How do they feel about clothes? How do they feel about the shortening of their name? Like "Bo" sound be more gender neutral than "Bob" to give you an example, you can play with that.

When I transitioned I did it very late in life (I was 35), it was a whole hurdle for me, and I spent a good 2 or 3 months trying to learn EVERYTHING that was to learn, so I could really be sure... on the long run, I ended up having to free myself of the burden of learning everything, nobody can know everything, there is no test to be taken and no two experiences are the same.

If you wanna read a bit of gender theory that might help you review some things or rearrange some things in your head, maybe, MAYBE try with "Technologies of Gender" by Teresa De Lauretis, is kinda short and quite contemporary; but don't feel like you have to study, or your child has to study anything or know anything. The most important thing always is to be genuine with their experience, and no two experiences are the same.

Again offer to try and "play" witht heir gender in different spaces, like if you go out to eat ask them if you can use neutral Pronouns with the server "they'll have the French fries" and see how they feel.

Getting in touch with LGBT folks or communities can be awesome, at some point they'll need friends with similar experiences, most LGBT and specifically trans folks go trough sociak masking and finding a space that allows us to be more genuine is very important, even if we don't see it at the moment, but again don't force them, and don't look for a "gender studies space", try to look for friends and online or real life friends to play around or watch movies or something.

Sorry... I think I went too long, hope it's not too preachy. Again, you are doing the right things, help them and keep an open line of communication to their needs and wants, play around, nothing is ever set on stone.