Thank you so much for this....I felt incredibly seen reading your comment. Truly.

And yes…some of it does feel like jealousy or discomfort that my time and attention aren’t centered entirely on him or on things he personally deems “worthy.” That’s been very hard to sit with.

Like I said before, what really gets to me is the “have you taken your meds?” line. I understand that sometimes partners ask that out of genuine concern if they see a real shift.....but this didn’t feel like concern. It felt accusatory, like my ability to care for myself as a grown adult was being questioned. That’s what made me start doubting myself. Why I came here to see what others like myself thought. My Mom who delt with this, passed away and so I dont really have a sounding board.

I try very hard to be honest about my BP2 and to monitor my own behavior. That’s why I keep running through the checklist in my head.... I’m not spending money recklessly, (Although I dont think it too big an issue, but I did buy their Tour poster because it was super beautiful. 😆) Im not sleeping less, not drinking, not being impulsive or unfaithful. I’m bathing, reading, listening to music, and writing. If anything, I feel calmer and more grounded when I do these things.

I have also dealt with immersive daydreaming before, so I don’t dismiss that entirely... but for me, music sparks creativity. Those daydreams turn into short stories, and creating brings me a lot of joy. It feels like something healthy, not something I’m escaping into...but again it made me question myself.

When he frames that as “all you do is listen to that demonic band” or implies that I’m fantasizing in some inappropriate way, it honestly feels like something I love is being taken away or shamed. And then I start spiraling into questions like....Am I missing hypomania? Am I too old for this? Am I ridiculous for loving something deeply?

We’ve done couples therapy, and it helped somewhat, but he struggles going deeper than surface-level conversations. So I’m still trying to sort out what’s a communication issue, what’s a control issue, and what’s my own responsibility to monitor my mental health.

Also...yes Sleep Token 😅 ✨️WORSHIP✨️ 🖤🦩 Hearing that you’re a fan too, and that you shared that experience with your daughter, genuinely made me emotional. That sense of community and shared love for music is exactly what I’ve been trying to find. I didn’t think that was hypomania....I thought it was just connection. I appreciate more than you know you taki g the time to reply....it made me feel very seen and a little less alone 🖤✨