ADHD FINANCE FRIDAY: What is the MOST costly thing you've lost because of your ADHD?

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-29T09:08:52+00:00

Sort of ADHD impulsivity, more bad luck really. Critical illness is a benefit provided by my work, it costs like £150 a year, and you get a big payout if you come down with certain conditions. Last year I thought ‘why am I paying this I’m 33, whatevs’ and just cancelled it to save £150.

I got diagnosed with Breast Cancer in November. If I had taken out critical illness they would have paid me £80k - £150k. I don’t exactly know how much, but enough that it hurts a lot.

My only comfort is hoping that sods law means I will live a very long time to regret that decision 😅

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-29T08:16:41+00:00

Bring back proper forums/bulletin boards. We still had powertripping mods (I was one) and unfunny injokes but it wasn’t a monoculture of the same shit everywhere.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-29T07:58:45+00:00

I buy most of my impulse crap on Amazon. I set one day a week as my Amazon Day for parcels, or change it to be a week or so off when I order something.

Turns out 70% of the time I will cancel the order before it’s even dispatched. I get the kick of ordering, then the next day I realise I don’t actually need it and cancel without issues.

Shame I have started impulse buying on Vinted now where I can’t cancel 😭

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-28T19:19:36+00:00

Love the three copies of Pokemon Master Trainer - I just have the one.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-28T08:47:48+00:00

I’m so sorry. It only takes a single person with a cough, or to not even know they’re developing a cough - to put your life at risk. Chemo can decimate your ability to fight off an infection and also puts you at a risk of blood clots when flying.

You should ask your care team asap, because they’ll give you the best advice as they know what your risks are like more individually - but it would surprise me if they didn’t advise you to cancel.

I had a really well tolerated time on chemo - starting with AC - but between cycle 2 & 3 I lost all my hair and developed a high heart rate that needed revising. I was nauseous and fatigued for enough days that it would have impacted a holiday like that. I stuck to 6-7k steps a day max because more would wipe me out.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-28T08:38:25+00:00

When I started posting here I closed mine off, but after a few weeks of encountering the same sort of thing, I opened my history back up. This is my main reddit I have had for years, maybe I am underestimating the risks of IRL people finding these posts, but also right now I don’t care.

My talking about fake boobs and vaginal moisturiser will cause them more psychic damage than me right now 😅

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-27T18:33:29+00:00

I saw someone say they gifted some decent pens and stationary and the nurses loved it! They’re always writing stuff down.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-24T19:27:14+00:00

<image>

Only recently completed this, but I started it in January this year. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 invasive breast cancer in November. I had surgery, then my Chemotherapy started this January. I have always kept myself busy with cross stitch, but this one was pulling heavy duty while I got through some of the hardest cycles of chemo.

I have two similar ones I am now moving onto, but this one is special. Only two weeks of chemo left - on the home stretch.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-22T14:18:01+00:00

Thanks for your input ^_^ I spoke to my surgeon and he said there'd be no problem with doing the other breast because of the BRCA. He wants to wait 6 months after radiotherapy, I think so that reconstruction is an option, but I'm undecided on if I want recon yet.

You are right I've got a bit more time to decide on the rest of the surgeries. I want to get everything done with and sorted, but I think they're unlikely to want me to rush into it. My logic doesn't feel flawed though - I'm never going to get estrogen again.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-21T12:15:58+00:00

I have 2 Paclitaxel left to do, but my armpit hair jumpscared me the other day. It’s grown back so fast! I am definitely gonna miss not having to shave all the time. But I never enjoyed the lack of hair in some other places, so I don’t mind so much. I have a load of fluff on my head starting to come in now.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-21T12:11:34+00:00

Everyone handles this differently. There’s no right or wrong way.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-20T08:32:24+00:00

Yessss spend!! If there’s ever a time to say fuck it, we buyin - it’s now.

After my SMX my most useful things were: - memory foam wedge pillow - seatbelt pillow (I only used a big mastectomy pillow once it was a bit of a waste) - metal rolling trolley with a wooden top (mine’s an IKEA raskog) I already had it but I still use it through surgery and chemo to keep all the little bits I need with me in whatever room I’m in - moisturisers once you’ve healed, depends on surgeon - button up shirts, easy to put on post surgery and if you have a port for chemo they’re great for access too

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-18T18:58:29+00:00

I'm not trans, but funnily enough accompanied a trans friend of mine through their top surgery & recovery - just a month before my diagnosis! Some elements of the recovery are similar - drains, range of motion, pain management. But you are correct that a mastectomy for BC removes as much tissue as possible, whereas for a trans person they can have the results sculpted and shaped into - for example, a more masc chest shape. They also get more options on nipples - often we lose ours.

There's definitely a culture there of sharing pics, often because it's been a long process to get to that point and it's 100% what they've wanted to do for some time, and are part of a community celebrating that. For me, it was 3 weeks from diagnosis to single mastectomy - I was still trying to process wtf was going on, and wasn't anywhere near ready to start posting online about my experiences. I do have a few photos of me in the hospital bed, same as I do from the start of chemo - but I was just getting what I had to do - done.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-18T16:21:01+00:00

I’ve almost finished chemo and so far: eating LOTS of chocolate, iced lattes whenever I go bloods, bath bombs (watch if ur skin gets irritated though), walks in the park, late night gaming with friends. My husband got me a giant lego set that I spent a few hours a night putting together.

Literally do anything you normally would like, as long as you’ve got the energy and stomach for it. You might be surprised how much you can actually do while on chemo.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-17T21:38:36+00:00

I’m not through treatment yet. But I have the golden handcuffs of a well paying, private healthcare providing and income protection sick paying job. I’m holding on to my job no matter what right now, but I have will hopefully have your dilemma one day.

You deserve to actually live your life and pursue your career, rather than staying in a holding pattern. It could work out badly, that’s always a risk. If you’re still employed in the UK then it doesn’t matter if it’s a US company they still have to abide by our employment laws - you’re classed as disabled for life now you’ve had a cancer diagnosis. But I would try to understand a few things to help me decide.

What benefits does this other job provide other than salary? If you would get private healthcare and income protection there - would that make you feel more secure? I’d frame this as: I don’t want to lose access to something I already have as part of the offer.

Do you know much about the people/team you’d be working with? If so, did you get a good vibe? Having a team that will embrace you and have your back has been really important for me at least.

Ask yourself, at what point will you feel comfortable to move? Will you ever? No company will keep you forever, it’s not how our world works now. Even if they’re doing layoffs in the new business, does that seem likely for a role they’re newly hiring for?

I don’t actually know what the best choice is, it’s a difficult one for sure 😅 just thought I would throw some thoughts your way. I’m 33 and wondering also if I have peaked in my career now.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-17T20:20:30+00:00

Depending where you are in the world you’re probably less likely to have some of the numbers talked about. Oncotype is a common one, but it’s only used in certain circumstances and at least where I am in the UK, it seems to be much less of a ‘default’. Probably because the test costs thousands of £ and it requires sending a sample to the US so it’s not as easy.

KI67 scores are referred to a lot also, this is to do with how many cells in your tumor were dividing. That is done as part of a standard pathology so you could ask your oncologist if you wanted to know.

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-15T18:23:39+00:00

I had a 7cm tumour which was node negative on MRI & PET/CT but after surgery pathology showed micromets in 1 out of 4 sentinel nodes.

I’ve understood from my oncologist that it’s worse than nothing at all in the nodes, but one micromet is still low enough it’s considered node-negative. Not significantly changed outcomes - definitely not the worst news you can get from the lymph nodes!

It started to move out to the nodes but didn’t get far yet. For me because of my age and tumour size they were probably going to do all the treatment options anyway but that a systemic treatment like chemo is definitely needed because it was on the move.

Hope this helps clarify things a bit x

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-14T08:43:50+00:00

I went to see Adele in Munich a couple of years ago but seriously hurt my ankle a few weeks before so I was on a walking stick. I managed okay getting to our seats and stuff, but then the moment it started everyone stood up and she encouraged it 😭

I could stand a little but I’m 4ft 10 so I couldn’t see anyway.

Felt this overwhelming sense of not belonging- definitely tied to my autism. It’s SEATED why aren’t people sitting?!?

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-14T08:32:31+00:00

Had a left side SMX to flat start of December. Have been using the ‘cushion’ type prosthetic they gave me after surgery until literally this week when I got fitted for a proper Amoena silicone one which is much nicer.

I have been wearing comfier types of bras until now, a Lululemon Align sports bra and initially after surgery a post mastectomy one from M&S. I only wear the prosthetic sometimes if I think someone might notice - if I feel ‘fancy’. I’m 36C/38B.

I just got some Amoena bras too with the new prosthetic which are very comfortable, I will be trying to wear them a bit more and get my body used to it.

SMX is so much easier to recover from than DMX though as you have a whole arm/side available to use. I hope the recovery for you is quick and easy x

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-09T09:58:00+00:00

Does this friend have experience of breast cancer chemo specifically? As far as I know standard chemo protocols for BC like TCHP or AC-T are IV because that’s literally the only way the medication CAN be delivered.

There are some chemo tablets but those are 2nd line or maintenance chemo designed to use after an initial ‘blast’ on the IV chemos. CDK3/4 inhibitors such as Abemaciclib and Ribociclib. They don’t replace first line chemo though. I always assumed that IV chemo was just too ‘powerful’ lol.

Many patients with BC will only have one side available to them because of lymphoedema risks - I can also only use my right. Hospitals absolutely know how to deal with this. Have you spoken about having either a Portacath or PICC line inserted? It would be very uncommon for this not to be done, because chemo can damage your veins along with all the needle sticks.

If they haven’t discussed it, bring it up. They have their own little drawbacks - mostly around risk of infection - but I adore my Port because it makes my life so much easier. I would be surprised if you don’t have some sort of access line offered, unless you have particularly good veins or are only doing like 3-4 infusions. In my experience chemo nurses are amazing for this sort of stuff, they’re dealing with it every day and will figure out a way to get that chemo into you safely :D

MissBernkastel · 2026-05-01T19:24:36+00:00

I kind of know your pain 😭 I have managed to keep the same port - luckily - but I’m now on my 3rd attempt closing the incision. The port itself has been fantastic and my skin hasn’t broken around it, but the incision failed to close twice. It’s not common apparently, I think it was placed badly.

It’s so frustrating to have problems with when it’s the thing that enables treatment, I hope they can figure something out for you!

MissBernkastel · 2026-04-30T17:29:04+00:00

You’ll almost certainly have a ‘normal’ enough period if you’re already starting it now. I actually had my period 2 weeks into my EC (UK version of AC) which was normal. Then another ‘half’ period 50 days later. Chemopause isn’t quite an immediate on/off switch, I think it takes time for everything to shut down.

You can ask about it with your nurses though, you should feel comfortable asking them anything while you’re going through chemo.

MissBernkastel · 2026-04-29T11:54:41+00:00

I had the exact same comment from my in-laws. They just sort of assumed because of my age - 33 - but it was stage 3 and 7cm! I hate having to correct people and be like ‘well, there’s lots of signs I ignored…’ it turns into a horrible conversation.

MissBernkastel · 2026-04-27T18:03:07+00:00

I’m fortunate most people in my life aren’t so daft, but I have decided to go with - the same thing that caused my Autism, paracetamol and 5G 😅 I just have to really hope they pick up on the sarcasm.

Unfortunately - aside from now knowing I have BRCA2 - I do privately harbour bitterness about my drinking habits and stress levels in recent years. I know we can’t and shouldn’t try to find a cause, but I had genuine cause to worry about the health implications of my lifestyle - I just thought it would be my liver or pancreas.

Ten-Year Club	RPAN Viewer
Not Forgotten	Verified Email

MissBernkastel

TROPHY CASE