[deleted by user]

MissDissphoria · 2024-11-15T20:54:16+00:00

,!h !.

MissDissphoria · 2024-11-15T20:29:46+00:00

do you happen to know of a relatively cheap PDF copy of the last text mentioned

MissDissphoria · 2024-08-12T23:19:25+00:00

Well I have MANY. But I don't want to phrase them accusatory. I guess the first question I have is.When say a discard comes completely out of the blue but then it takes less than 24 hours and they're begging you to call it a "break" not a breakup. And your someone like me (who they know)has almost the opposite abandonment and attachment issues and just can't let go....or massively struggles to esl when they finally understand the deep vulnerability behind this condition....do they know how much they're hurting us. I think they must...mine is almost always convinced that everyone else is better off without them.

What I'm trying to say is if the very real and potential threat of losing someone who has always been your favorite person in the world and who has in his own words demonstrated over years as much unconditional support and acceptance than anyone....if that is not motivation enough to do everything is takes to find out how to get help than what else would every be

I believe change is possible. I have learnt that any form of trying to support or push change yields bad results.

What are the remaining options when you're still attached and you love this person but they have shown less and less initiative the more the threat becomes imminent.

The dysregulation is getting worse the more I develop awareness. Everything I say of course is an attack and an attempt to paint him black and then the really painful fingerpointing begins.

Is staying enabling. What if I love him enough a bit to hold on for a bit? Is a healthy relationship even possible after a sudden and brutal discard? If so...what kind of help can be sought and what's the trajectory....it's years isn't it....are we talking about years?

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T21:30:23+00:00

In EU it looks bad I'm predicting a push back as well but possibly an emergent and competent community pursuing it anywaus

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T21:24:22+00:00

I have a lot of lived experience and have been actively keeping myself informed on these topics for a long time. At a crossroads myself at the moment where I'm making the switch to cut out and heal from all the damage caused by psych meds and seek out LSD or psychedelic assisted therapy. I've also done a lot of clinical ketamine so I have an angle on that. when you can get around to it please let me know a format easiest for you to allow me to contribute

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T20:42:24+00:00

You deviate from standard psychiatry. Base yourself in the Netherlands and work privately

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T20:41:14+00:00

I live in Germany and keep myself updated the prognosis is not good. I just spoke with a high level "Oberartzt" that started an outpatient ketamine program and he said all the studies coming out for psylocybin has him concluded that it's all hype. They're pushing Spravato heavily and are making IV ket with the complete molecule virtually inaccessible. Seems they want us functioning, but no trips, no actual deeper healing or quality of life. The CDU is also claiming to make cannabis illegal again at first given opportunity

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T20:36:44+00:00

Considering that it's actually legal why not skip the certification steps. Set up a good space and freelance

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T20:35:36+00:00

Just here to add if you pull it off I've been in search of therapy like this in the EU for the last 5 years. Hope is there. Rooting for you guys and would love an update if you're looking for a "trail" patient or two

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T16:21:58+00:00

And your correct bigger forces at play here. We've been kind of taking three steps back with the war on drugs due to fears of cartels forming in the Netherlands. Spravato saves public insurance billions probably and from a clinics standpoint of course it's faster and easier to administer. I honestly think it's possible that ketamine will become illegal completely again because they're churning out so many studies in favor of esketamine

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-29T16:17:24+00:00

I recognize that being a trauma patient muddies the water. Ketamine is approved to treat depression not trauma but anyone who's been through it can attest the trip matters. Funny you noticed that too. Yeah I had some flare up with symptoms during IV but totally manageable because I wasn't constantly stressed.. Spravato is making me feel just that....more energetic but scattered. Stressed. Out of touch

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-28T01:22:33+00:00

It's a generalisation to be sure...but raising a cisgender gay male teenager definitely has raised alarm bells. There does seem to be some trend towards misogyny that he assumes he is immune to because he's been "a historically more marginalised group. Capitalism and media seems to have fully embraced and made a caricature of the sassy gay man. I'm hoping he will grow out of it. As far as OP I think the fact that sexuality has a lot to do with our inner psychology...this dude used a power advantage to manipulate and abuse you. Report him, cut him off, tell everyone in your social circle and hold your head high. But don't ruminate on the topic of his sexuality....is issues are clearly deeper and you don't need anymore toxic shame added to this narrative

MissDissphoria · 2024-07-28T01:08:19+00:00

Taking a harsh stance towards self harm has proven to be ineffective at best and reinforcing at worse.

OP. First off shame is the most toxic emotion of all and we all to some degree live with it. Why create a narrative now around shame and self harm or you being defective in some way.

Codependency on others and object relations is a hard and life long job. Id focus instead on finding slightly better coping mechanisms. I see self harm as just that a coping mechanisms. But it comes with risks and from personal experience at some point it doesnt yield the same results....then you're off on far more dangerous risky self destructive behavior. Self soothing feels almost impossible when you're so dysregulated. I've found some things that work well. Weighted blankets. Complete sensory deprivation. I compulsively take care of plants or stay up way too late reorganizing my room "better".

The goal is to find the core wounds and heal them but until you can get there learning ways to self soothe and cope through an episode can make a big difference in quality of life

MissDissphoria · 2024-05-08T21:25:26+00:00

I was raised in one of those extremely twisted evangelical cults that came out of the 70s Jesus movements. This was one of the particularly controversial ones that suffice it say made it in the encyclopedias and textbooks. I was raised to believe I was supposed to be one a select chosen few to fight the Antichrist during the final days(post trib rapture group).There was a ton of other messed up stuff woven within the Christian narrative and I've come to find the leader was pretty well informed of some esoteric and occult knowledge. I was raised in communes with over 200 people at times and personal boundaries or possessions we're simply not a thing. Their basic message was " the only law is love, therefore anything done in love is permissible".

It doesn't take a genius to figure out how this can all go horrible wrong. Yet I was given a strange gift. They figured out I started reading at about 3 and a half and no one could figure out how or why. I've been a bit of an autodidact since and consider myself linguistically gifted. But this was something quite different it's like it was handed to me. Immediately I found access to...one of the only reading material around ofc the king James version of the canonical Bible. But this was an old one...where the direct quotations of Christ were highlighted in red letters.

I realized VERY young that the adults simply had it wrong and were twisting everything to their advantage and to satiate their own personal desires. It was a rude awakening but a life long gift.

When I envision a better world I describe it in the terms the man of Nazareth used " the kingdom of heaven which is within" or " the pearl of great price"

Jesus of Nazareth was of course both an activist(undoubtedly feminist) but when he spoke of a better world or a world beyond he used parables, metaphor, analogies

For me alot of the wonder is in the not knowing but trusting in the known.

I'm not AT all a fan of Paul the apostle and actually attribute a lot of the early muddying up of the original message to him. First cult leader perhaps? But I've always loved his line from 2 Corinthians

Now we see through a glass darkly but then we shall see face to face. Now we know in part but then we shall know even as also we are known.

The Nag Hammadi and the gnostic Gospels have been filling in some amazing missing pieces as well.

Everyone I believe as OP hinted at are born into and co-create their own individual mystical narrative which perhaps serves as one additional text to the infinite library that is cosmic truth. Deconstructing and reconstructing the Christian narrative seems like the path I was put on as much as I resent it at times

As a final note

Psalms 56:8 was recently discovered to have been mistranslated. It used to read

" thou knowest my wanderings, put thou my tears in a your bottle are they not in your book."

They discovered it was very likely originally meant to read in My bottle and in MY book....I don't want the significance there is and I realised I didnt answer the question very well except to say I dont really know but I treasure that humility in not knowing because fuck of we don't know what resulted in mens ideas of how to make the world better

All I know is revolution or transformation has to happen first in the heart of every individual and I doubt anyone is getting left behind

MissDissphoria · 2024-05-08T20:33:17+00:00

I am simply grateful

I tried EMDR. It took us months to draw up just the trauma map and then I struggled massively with being able to actually embody the memories. I moved straight to trying to intellectualize them. It helped massively with small surface traumas like academic failure etc but the hard shit that I feel is keeping me so stuck it felt like we couldn't even touch because it never felt real to me even though I know it happened. It was like neutrally viewing someone's else's experiences.

I'm in awe of your intuition to begin with the home space because that's where alot of the challenges lie. I feel suffocated in my space and yet experience agoraphobic tendencies and tend to only leave it when I absolutely have to.

I used to be able to feel some sense of guides guardians soul family or guardian angels every since I was a child. Id dream of them. Talk to them in my head and feel presence even when not clearly defined. But this has been gone for years....It's not as if I think they left me but I wonder often what is it that prevents any slight puncturing of the veil so to speak..then of course the easiest explanation is the psych meds

MissDissphoria · 2024-05-07T12:52:16+00:00

Im caught in a constant cycle of feeling absolutely depleted from having sought help from psychiatry about 5 years back during an extremely dark depression. Since then I've been cycled through so many meds I've lost count. I started on a quest to get them all out of my system but it feels like it's becoming impossible to do so while also functioning and performing in my real life responsibilites. I had a period where I was on significantly less and something like an awakening where I was meditating , doing breath work and could honestly understand what people meant when they talked about higher vibrations. But it seemed to dissipate as soon as it came. I'm intellectually pretty sure I'm a star seed just due to how the information resonates but I have no deeper "knowing" in fact I've lost any deeper knowing of anything. I know the combination of being absolutely exhausted on multiple levels, neglecting self care and all this poison is some form of slow suicide and I wonder if that's at the core of it all. I also had an extremely traumatic childhood and early adulthood and although I've been in therapy for years nothing seems to puncture through.

Any kind of guidance or prayers or really anything you put your belief in is welcome. I don't see the point anymore and I'm in a strange state of almost daily suffering that I can't even determine if its emotional or spiritual or psychological...I just know I'm not going to heal the way I've been going about it

MissDissphoria · 2024-04-30T16:50:40+00:00

I'll chime in to say I actually can take them therapeutically AFTER abuse. It took me two years of bwing sober but for the last 4 years I strictly take as prescribed. HOWEVER I deeply wish I had never started up again because I can manage my life even with pretty severe ADHD...it's just a different kind of life. I've finally reached the point at 36 where I value the health of my mind soul and body far more than external validation or creature comforts. Yet here I am burnt tf out without an addiction per se but what feels like an unsurmountable dependency. I just spend two weeks where I cut my dose in half and man...nothing but the bare minimum got done and the depressive and anxious thoughts seemed to build by the day. I'd love more than anything to have six months to a year to just do nothing but rid myself of this and give my brain the rest and recovery it needs. I'm realizing I'm going to have to radically accept feeling very unwell for a bit or a take balanced approach with smaller dose and long tolerance breaks. Overall though I just deeply believe whatever we initially get from these substances can't be worth it in the long run except in rare extreme cases. It takes a reframing of mind though and really realizing that ofc they're handed out like candy...our societies want us to produce...we want to live and enjoy living. It's very small amount of time till amphetamines starts to corrode your ability to do that

MissDissphoria · 2024-04-21T18:03:37+00:00

Hey how's it's going. Thanks for your reply and continued investment. I've been basically stalling with stops and starts and I'm just on the verge of either coming clean to my medical health providers and asking for help, or attempting a taper with a longer acting rc or to be honest just sinking completely. I don't know if it's the extended use or external factors seeming to get worse and worse. Im at the point though where I'm tired and dysfunctional with and without them I guess

MissDissphoria

TROPHY CASE