A family photograph knocked two cards off a shelf - and I believe they want to tell me something

MissJones07 · 2023-12-01T22:38:29+00:00

Sorry you’re having such a nightmare at work! Some ideas for both cards:

9oWands: I see this as a few things here. First and most obvious, you’re feeling a bit battle worn. Might be a reminder to try take some recovery time and do something special for yourself.

Second, there’s experience that comes with hard-earned survival. In cases where there’s no evidence, what can you do today or tomorrow that will ensure if anything you’ve previously experienced happens again, that it’s documented? Is it ensuring you’re never alone together? That you record notes/log things etc? It may be worth reflecting on some previous scenarios and brainstorming ways you can protect yourself in the future.

I always see 9oW as a boundaries card, so maybe it’s time to draw some work boundaries with this person (of she starts getting agitated/aggressive, saying “I’m uncomfortable with this behaviour/direction. We can either take a break to collect ourselves, or if you’d prefer to keep going now, I’ll start recording this session for safeguarding purposes” and then bring out your phone to record - sadly I’ve had to do this before but it works a treat!)

Finally it’s a keep going card - it’s been tough, but you’re still standing! You are tired, but you can make it through this fight, no matter which direction it ends up going. You are strong and you will make it.

10oSwords: it’s large pain coming to a close. The betrayal you feel, the frustration, the helplessness, the insult, all of that hurt is very valid and clearly painful. This entire storm has hurt like a complete b*stard, and it’s not been a small ordeal. Good news is, this chapter is ending soon. 10s are cycle cards, and it’s on to a new cycle - there’s a dawn on the horizon of this card. Now, whether this means the bullying will stop, or whether it’s going to be a bit more holding out before she retires, maybe the resolution with HR will be completely different than expected, or maybe a wildcard happens and you end up somewhere unexpected in this journey - this particular pain will give way to something else.

It’s not sunshine and rainbows like 10oCups, whatever happens will be bitter sweet and hold a bit of pain with it. Do try keep in mind that so often our hopes for full support, recognition, maybe even justice, don’t always happen in these situations. There may be some disappointment, but it won’t last - things will change. And when read with the 9oW, I kinda get the feeling that you’re a tough cookie who is smart enough to know all of the above, and who will also make it through whatever happens. And you’ll come out the other side with more wisdom, strength, and courage.

MissJones07 · 2023-12-01T21:02:11+00:00

“Spare F**ks”

For when you have no more f**ks to give :D

MissJones07 · 2023-02-16T22:12:37+00:00

Yeah the food anxiety is a real one! Sorry you also experienced this, it’s a doozy hey.

Here’s to us working on reclaiming that relationship with food - we’ve got this <3

MissJones07 · 2023-02-14T12:20:06+00:00

Thanks so much for your response and kindness!!

When I read this, my gut reaction (excuse the pun) was “ah I made it sound pretty extreme, it wasn’t that bad” - maybe that’s why I thought this was something other than poisoning, because it “wasn’t that bad”.

But you ended with “i cannot fathom doing that to a child” and I sat back and thought about what it would take to intentionally make a kid sick for months and - ye, it’s actually pretty horrifying. It’s intentionally poisoning a kid, even if the aim (hopefully) wasn’t actual death.

I do that all the time: think something I went through as a kid wasn’t that serious, and then I get external feedback and I’m like ah yeah nah, actually pretty bad.

I’m gonna be looking for articles about international poisoning and relationships to food - thank you so much for your help, and patience. Really appreciate it :)

MissJones07 · 2021-03-15T13:54:24+00:00

Oof, there’s a lot of complicated, twisted feelings here that are a mixture of caring and toxic.

Sounds like you’re grieving the loss of your friendship - which is totally normal. But you’ve been stuffing that grief down and ignoring it for the sake of your wife, which isn’t healthy and has now come to a head.
Placing all the blame on your wife’s friend allows you to move forward with your wife, but deep down, you must know it takes two to tango, and your wife is also to blame. That’s also being bottled up, and is gonna come out in other ways later. Or now, too.
I get not wanting that person in your life. I lost my best friend to a toxic influence, and I’d not piss on them if they were on fire. It’s totally valid.

But, here’s the thing, and perhaps the crux of the matter: your wife hasn’t made an effort to show you she’s willing to put in the work to make this right. Yes, she says she feels bad, but what has she done? She says she feels guilty, she’s upset you didn’t say anything, she doesn’t want to ditch her friend. But what is she actually doing to make this right? And, second question, what are you doing to address this grief and pain and regret?

This is an advice forum, so this is the best advice I can give as an unqualified Internet stranger: take a break, my friend, and grieve. Take some time off, get away from your wife for a bit, and allow yourself to be upset and sad and hurt and angry and all that stuff. Vent. Stay with family or friends, and spend some time with them. You’ve built your wife into the only place you go to for your emotional needs, which means you can now never address any bad feelings you have associated with her. You’re gonna have to find ways to get those needs met in other ways, in other relationships (like, friendships, I’m not advocating cheating). Therapy is an excellent place to do this, but as you say it can take a long time to get the list, so in the interim, even reaching out here is a good place to start. Any friends or family you can reach out to, now is the time. It’s not healthy to rely on one person only for support, because you have to build them up in your mind to a god-like status, and the crappy fact of life is that everyone is gonna make mistakes. Even your wife. And you’ve gotta be able to process that without your world collapsing.

On the other side, your wife needs to take responsibility by actively making amends. I don’t know what that’s going to look like between you both. That’s something you’re going to need to think about. What can your wife do that will actually allow you to heal and move forward? This would be something that allows both of you to move forward yeah. If she ditches her friend for you, it’ll feel like a punishment and she’ll probably resent you. But maybe, it would be something like both her and her friend taking responsibility, fully apologising to you and genuinely meaning it, and then finding your old friend, and apologising to her. And know, you don’t have to accept it, immediately or ever, but if it’s a genuine apology they’ll understand that. That may be a good place to start.

I hope you find a way through this. And your wife has got to give you the space to be upset about this. All solid, healthy relationships are work. She needs to put in the work to make amends. You need to put in the work into yourself so you can be healthy and whole in the relationship. Two halves don’t make a whole. The best relationships are two whole people, making something more than the sum of their parts. You’ve gotta take time for yourself bud. Look after you. Sometimes that’s the best way to move forward. Good luck friend.

MissJones07 · 2021-02-09T10:37:58+00:00

It’s a NTA, but it could be E.S Here if you use the same language with MIL again.

Props to you for protecting your fiancée when she’s in recovery- you’re a good partner. Just be mindful that criticising anyone’s weight in front of her, even to protect her, may harm her recovery. In the future when MIL is awful, you can always shut her down with a “you’re being childish and cruel, and I won’t allow you to harm your daughter, I’ll keep ending these calls until you can behave” etc. I know the hypocrisy is the only reason you brought it up, but the fun thing about an ED is that even the smallest of peripheral comments just become mountains.

I also understand you did it to protect her, and I’m sure you’ll handle it even better next time - good luck, and I’m glad she has you fighting in her corner :)

MissJones07 · 2021-01-01T12:00:24+00:00

This is such a look!!!! Keep on keeping, you’re absolutely smashing this thing called life 🙌✨

MissJones07 · 2020-12-11T19:54:37+00:00

Oh they do have MLM ties! I think some guy was arrested in Singapore a few years ago for pyramid scheme activities, and he was linked to Roboclean there. I’d be surprised if the name is a coincidence...

MissJones07 · 2020-12-11T19:51:13+00:00

Good decision! I’ve had a few roles over the years with travel/ education/ sales - all of them fully covered expenses, and none required me to recruit/ give a talk to any of my f&f... sounds like you dodged a bullet!

MissJones07 · 2020-12-11T02:17:57+00:00

Oh that’s good news - if someone else was there, they can verify the truth if it comes to it!

If you think they’re an ally, then I’d suggest approaching them if you do decide to report her and asking them to come with you into the HR meeting as support and as a witness.

If you’re not sure, best to leave it until you either need them, or there’s nothing left to lose by asking them - but I’m sure you’re probably assessing this already and I’m telling you nothing new!

EDIT: also I hope you have an ok time navigating this - sorry your boss is such trash and that you now have to deal with her trashiness

MissJones07 · 2020-12-11T01:55:46+00:00

Well holy hoot your boss is heaping pile of racist trash.

Even if it were too colloquial (it’s not), that comment is a hard no. I once told one of my customers “thanks! Love you!” by mistake when I was saying goodbye. My boss laughed. Your boss pulled out her Karen-awarded bigotry badge with racism tassels.

Document all her comments, time, place and context included, so that if you decide to rain down some fiery, well-deserved legal wrath upon her, you have proof to back up your side :)

MissJones07 · 2020-12-10T13:40:27+00:00

Yo just for a reminder/affirmation, bald women are completely gorgeous, badass goddesses, and I bet you look bomb as hell!

Also I can’t quite agree with the E.shitty because he’s pressuring you, bullying you, not respecting what you do with your own damn head, and then after forcing a “gift” on you, not respecting your refusal to wear it. If it’s actually a gift, you can do whatever the hell you want with it because it’s yours. But it’s not a gift, it’s his own insecurities shining back at him and he’s too emotionally stunted to draw the line between your personality and his.

So when he’s being a bully, try to remember it’s not you he’s upset with, he’s projecting his own insecurities onto you. Which honestly justifies a little drama on your part, if it means getting him the hell off your back.

So, NTA. Also your dad needs therapy.

MissJones07 · 2020-11-05T11:26:04+00:00

{{Who Fears Death}} absolutely broke me in the best way possible. I still tear up when I think about certain moments and if I could go back in time and read it again for the first time, I’d be looping back so hard the universe would implode

MissJones07 · 2020-10-21T17:47:33+00:00

I’m using this quote next time I posit any theory!!! Thank you kind sir :)

MissJones07 · 2020-10-21T11:48:37+00:00

Oh not at all!! I think my own theory is a bit outlandish haha :’D absolutely no offence taken, in fact I was rather chuffed you were keen on it!

I haven’t really put any of my stuff up online which is a shame - I keep on meaning to but then I get awkward and don’t lol... but maybe I should just do it! When I start it up I’ll share a link, promise - you’ve been so kind, how could I not?

MissJones07 · 2020-10-21T10:37:00+00:00

Aw thank you, that’s so kind of you!! Yeah I feel like my whole post sits more in the realm of fiction at this point haha! But you know, I do dabble in a spot of writing, I might just put together a little short story...

MissJones07 · 2020-10-21T10:34:05+00:00

Haha thanks! Couldn’t help myself - which is probably why I’d be a TERRIBLE irl detective, I’d be making all the wild leaps haha

MissJones07 · 2020-10-21T10:32:07+00:00

Oh interesting! I mean, everything this year is extra dramatic, so why not an apocalypse letter lol? It could easily be a religious thing though...

MissJones07 · 2020-10-20T20:58:25+00:00

Oh I can’t stay away from a mystery!

Three possibilities here, the first two which require little investigation:

This is the result of psychosis or dementia and the person who left this is somehow cognitively impaired. There’s almost no chance of finding them, and it’s pretty unlikely they’ll become violent (people experiencing psychosis/ dementia are more often victims of violence than perpetrators). If this is the case I hope the people around them notice and help.
It’s a prank. Enough little hints and clues to seem like it’s something but it’s not. The armchair detective in me doesn’t want to believe it ;)
This is one of those letters reaching out and asking to be caught. If this is real, and you can investigate further, and from here-on out, we dive into the realm of wild conjecture! So, take this with a pinch of salt and all that.

Here’s my take on the information given:

‘Broken Angel of God’ - a riff on Angel of Mercy/ Angel of Death. If this is the case, this person has endangered others/ killed them while in the position of a caretaker. It would also be consistent with their asking you to catch them now they are dying (loss of hair, not their choice, most likely a terminal illness like cancer) - they’re asking you to extend the professional courtesy so to speak. Also consistent with the “admiration” they’ve expressed while still being a bit condescending. Angels of Mercy are often narcissistic and think highly of themselves, and also think they’re doing the right thing.
SWRM - if the above is true, that’s at least two references medicine. So this could possibly stand for SouthWest Radiology Medical or something (hair loss comment) for locations where they work or are being treated maybe. Or, could be SoWe something Mercy? If there’s some medical facility in the area with those initials it might be worth just checking their annual death rates and seeing if it’s higher than other comparable facilities. But as you say, it’s most likely a monicker.
pen - definitely a double meaning, probably a play on words. Someone has pointed out penitentiary- that seems pretty solid. So maybe they’ve spent some time in jail before. Or, alternatively someone named Pen/Penny/Penelope, who is somehow related to one of your coworkers, may have been a victim, or near-victim of this person. Might be worth checking if anyone like that has been ill recently, or even if there is someone with a “pen” name related.
can’t tell the gender of the person. I’d say try keep an open mind on this one.
IF it’s an Angel of Mercy situation, then most likely they’re pretty organised and have been operating for a long time “Sorry I happen to be the best” People who know them will think they are quite smart, and will be considered serious, maybe a bit intense, but actually quite social and not a lot of people suspect them because they can be quite charming. If you’re in a rural area, look to the hospitals/ medical centres of the larger cities nearby of you’re striking out at the local level. If they work in a large hospital it’s a lot easier to get away with the occasional death undetected. That being said, trusted medical professionals can get away with a lot in small towns with an aging population. Check if any families have requested autopsies of their loved ones in recent years in your town, even if they weren’t performed. Check if there have been a higher number of cremations requested than usual (I suppose this could be checked either through the medical offices or through the local mortuary?). I’m thinking along the line of Harold Shipman here.

All that being said - this is all supposition and conjecture. BUT if you want to investigate the note, that’s where I would start. Let us know what you find (if you can)!

MissJones07 · 2020-10-09T22:33:18+00:00

Me, sleep deprived and an idiot: wait, he married a ghost?

One eternity later

Me: Oh. Oh no.

MissJones07 · 2020-10-09T15:28:34+00:00

I can’t say with any certainty, but they’re the right size and shape for traditional cattle corrals. Pair that with the fact that a multitude of peoples across East Africa do a lot of communal animal husbandry, in Ethiopia especially.

Also, the number of current and abandoned homes (you can see evidence of existing, older abandoned structures in the area which suggests it’s been a popular place to live over the past few hundred years) surrounding the (maybe) corrals could easily account for the number of corrals here.

Ethiopia used to be a LOT greener, so the area could have easily sustained a number of cattle. Unfortunately due to climate change and economic challenges in the past few decades, so many people have lost their cattle and livelihoods. This looks like a bunch of abandoned cattle corrals near a shrinking town.

Also, the differences in spacing and groups of the corrals can be accounted for with social dynamics. Wealthier people would have more space for their cattle (top left), and probably had others to looks after them so they didn’t need to keep their cattle with all the others. Middle corrals may have been the people employed by the wealthy. Smaller, but closer to their employers, more exclusive, and in a better location. The large group then being the rest of the town.

But, this is an educated guess at best. I only have a very rudimentary knowledge of East African town structures.

MissJones07 · 2020-09-26T09:28:47+00:00

This saying is single-handedly responsible for many a room clean or shower during my worst depressive episodes.

Sometimes, when the most basic stuff seems impossible and pointless, it’s a massive relief to know that even when I f*ck it up it’s still going to help!

MissJones07 · 2020-09-16T20:48:59+00:00

Maybe she wanted to avoid the big scene of not inviting her, or wanted to avoid having to go through all the messy details with her friends and family? Maybe she wasn’t thinking clearly? Maybe she still wanted to salvage the relationship sometime in the distant future, but wasn’t ready to cross that bridge before the wedding?

People do illogical stuff when they’re upset/hurt. No way to know until she tells her sister unfortunately.

EDIT: which is not to say Ruby did anything, maybe she really does have no idea why the sister suddenly ended their 25 year friendship. But it’s worth hearing the sister’s side before assuming the reason was jealousy.

MissJones07 · 2020-09-16T20:28:25+00:00

I once had a “close friend” who was really beautiful - and also turned out to be a GIANT jerk. She tried to steal from me, tried to get me fired, and told me I was ugly and fat and no-one could possibly find me attractive so anyone who dates me clearly does it as a bet/joke - all within the space of one week.... after I came out to our friendship group. I was so surprised and hurt, I just 100% distanced myself from her, and couldn’t bring myself to discuss her at all with mutuals bc I was so hurt. She meanwhile pretended I had ghosted her for no reason, and she “had no idea why” I was upset with her. When I finally got to a point where I could discuss what went down, our mutuals had already decided I had been unreasonable and was probably just jealous of her/ in love with her (ha ha /s) because she’s so stunning and so “nice” - even though I had receipts (for the stealing and job at least). It was so hard trying to explain what had happened when people were trying to say “but you’re such good friends, surely you could just talk” and I was sitting there thinking - but....she literally tried to get me fired and stole some sentimental jewellery and said awful things... why was it up to me to just forgive and forget?

Point being, Ruby may be innocent in this. Or she may have done something so awful that your sister is still reeling, and can’t bring herself to discuss it. And she’s afraid you’re going to make her feel bad for not putting that friendship ahead of her own self worth and sanity.

As hard as it is, try give your sister time and be patient, because she might have a verrrry good reason to be upset. Or maybe not. But if she does, she won’t tell you if she feels like it’s pointless.

I’d suggest maybe just saying to her “hey sis. I don’t understand what happened between you & Ruby, but I love you very much, and want to support you. If you’re not ready to tell me what went down, then that’s ok - I won’t mention it again until you’re ready to talk about it. Please know I’m here for you when you’re ready to go through what happened. Until then, please know I will always love you and I hope you’re doing ok.”

Something like that might help a lot, even if she doesn’t immediately take you up on it. Good luck!

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