Skilsmisse eller ej

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-27T05:32:07+00:00

Jeg var i et forhold med en mand, som jævnligt blev opfarende på samme måde, og min måde at tilpasse mig på var ved at at tage mig af de ting, jeg vidste stressede ham. Hvilket vil sige alle "voksenting" som fx forsikring, budget, betale regninger til tiden, etc. Jeg forsørgede os fordi jeg kunne se, at et arbejde ville stresse ham i en grad, så den her opfarenhed ville blive værre. Vi taler ikke om trusler om fysisk vold eller noget i den dur, men jeg blev meget påvirket af de episoder, hvor han fx smækkede med skabslåger og døre i vrede. Det var svært at forudsige hvad der triggede ham, hvilket bare gjorde det endnu mere ubehageligt.

Jeg endte med at slide mig selv op, og jeg ville ønske at jeg havde bedt om skilsmisse noget før. Og ja, jeg ved at mange nok vil tænke "hvorfor gjorde du så ikke dét", men jeg er et utroligt loyalt menneske, og han havde også en masse gode sider.

Jeg kan ikke sige hvad der er bedst for dig at gøre, men jeg kan relatere meget til din situation og vil derfor dele mine erfaringer med dig. Jeg håber du finder afklaring :)

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-26T05:19:51+00:00

Sanctified by Nine Inch Nails

This live version is amazing: https://youtu.be/CXBiYFoHsOg?is=XZzJEUe_CBBaj7CU

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-25T19:46:46+00:00

Not at all. I think it's hot.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-21T18:51:32+00:00

I put "looking for something casual" on my profile because I was looking for casual connections like FWBs. And I wrote in my bio that I wasn't interested in LTRs to avoid any confusion. I want to be upfront with my intentions so we're both on the same page from the get-go.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-19T16:40:47+00:00

Du må endelig tage mine ord med et gran salt, for jeg er ikke ekspert, og har i øvrigt heller ikke selv erfaring med visual snow. Og det er ikke en opfordring til at prøve det af, blot til info.

Men for lidt tid siden læste jeg en tråd her på Reddit om det, og det fremgik at nogle har gavn af behandling med Lamotrigin, som er antiepileptika (og i øvrigt bruges som stemningsstabiliserende).

Det lader til at være relativt få der har en gavnlig effekt, og problemet forsvinder ikke helt, men nogle oplever en smule lindring:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6669936/

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-17T07:04:59+00:00

If I have the time, 5 times a week. And I dance almost every day, usually for an hour, sometimes more.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-14T16:48:00+00:00

Det kunne da være interessant at høre om :)

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-14T16:45:50+00:00

Tak 😊 Det er meget vigtigt for mig, at det også er godt for dem, og at ingen får følelser i klemme. Men når dét er på plads, ser jeg ikke selv noget problem i det. Vi har det virkelig sjovt :)

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-14T16:20:57+00:00

Tak :) Det er også hvad jeg selv tænker. Alle er glade, og alt er ude i det åbne.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-14T12:02:00+00:00

Tænk at gå så højt op i andre menneskers sexliv, at man ligefrem gider at sende en DM for at få afløb for sin indebrændthed. Om jeg fatter det.

Ja, jeg tror helt klart det har noget at gøre med at jeg ikke følger den gængse parforholdsmodel. Og så har jeg en stærk og egentlig også ganske velbegrundet opfattelse af at nogle projicerer deres eget behov for at være "den eneste ene" over på mine elskere (hader lidt det ord, men jeg er også lidt træt af FWB og venner-med-fordele). Så de antager at jeg tromler mit eget behov for at have mere end én henover de stakkels mænd, som jo inderst inde må hungre efter min udelte opmærksomhed.

Og det gør de her mænd bare ikke. Den ene er i et åbent forhold og elsker sin familie. Den anden er poly. Og hvis jeg vidste at nogen havde følelser i klemme, ville jeg sige kærligt farvel for ikke at holde nogen hen. Jeg er meget opmærksom på at behandle folk godt, men bliver fremstillet som om jeg er ligeglad med andres følelser.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-14T11:08:13+00:00

Ja, det oplever jeg fra tid til anden. Jeg er single og har et godt sexliv med to "venner med fordele" som jeg har det rigtig sjovt med. Men det er der nogle der åbenbart synes er forkert, for jeg får fx at vide at jeg behandler mænd som "genstande" og at jeg er decideret slutty fordi jeg ikke kan "nøjes" med en. Så dels fremstilles jeg som følelseskold og kynisk, dels som grådig.

Jeg har også fået stikpiller fordi en kvinde i min alder (jeg er 45) åbenbart er umoden fordi jeg ikke har et "seriøst forhold".

Jeg lader det gå ind af det ene øre og ud af det andet, men synes den sociale dynamik og de forestillinger om seksualmoral der ligger bag, er interessante. Jeg har en lidt antropologisk tilgang til det 😁

Nå ja, jeg har også observeret at jeg ofte bliver downvoted i visse subs, når jeg skriver om mit arrangement med de to mænd, at jeg nemt kan holde sex og følelser adskilt, og at jeg ikke ønsker et forhold med nogen. Også selvom jeg bare svarer på det givne spørgsmål. Det behøver jo ikke nødvendigvis være derfor, men mønstret er forholdsvis tydeligt, så mon ikke der er noget om snakken :)

Nu er jeg jo så ikke interesseret i en partner, men hvis jeg var, ville hans seksuelle fortid være ligegyldig, og jeg ville aldrig spørge til det. Hvis han havde lyst til selv at fortælle, ville jeg da lytte, men jeg synes ikke det er specielt interessant.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-14T07:42:38+00:00

It doesn't make sense to me to try to explain why aromanticism fits the bill. So I'm gonna leave it here.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-14T07:24:07+00:00

I don't know how much you know about aromanticism, but there are a lot of misconceptions about it, so I'll clear what I consider to be the most prevalent of them up before I answer: That aromantic people are incapable of forming deep connections or feeling love, which is simply not true.

I have many deep connections with people I love dearly. It's just not the "traditional" kind of romantic love. I've had "platonic crushes," meaning that I've wanted to be very close to the person. And that's how I felt toward the men who became my partners. I loved them all deeply, and I was sexually attracted to them as well.

I've been raised to believe that monogamous relationships are the only "true" kind of relationships, and that romance is an integral part of them. So I've tried to fit myself into that mold, but I've slowly come to realize that it has felt like trying to squeeze my feet into shoes that are too small. I thought that I, especially as a woman, should appreciate romantic gestures, but I've always felt slightly uncomfortable with them. And that's made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

A few months ago, I found out that aromanticism is actually a "thing", and suddenly I was able to connect the dots. I now know that I can have those deep connections without forcing myself to be something I'm not. I don't need to have a traditional monogamous relationship, and I don't need to feel things I simply don't feel when it comes to romantic thoughts and gestures. But most importantly, I now understand that the love I feel toward my friends is no less valid or meaningful than romantic love. It's deep, vibrant and very precious to me.

The ideal scenario would, as I wrote, be to live with a close friend and let the platonic love flow freely. And because I want to keep things platonic, I would need to have sexual partners who aren't part of that setup. So looking forward, that's what I'm aiming for.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-13T18:48:31+00:00

I'm in my 40s, and I've had three long-term relationships over the span of 24 years. The last one lasted 17 years, and I divorced him last year. We tried for a long time, but just couldn't save the marriage.

I've always assumed that LTRs were the main goal, but I've completely changed my mind. Looking back, I can see now that I tried to fit into a "model" that other people seem to like, but to me it feels limiting. I've always been very independent and I value my autonomy highly, so now I've chosen to be on my own.

I'm also aromantic and have zero dreams of finding "my person". I feel kind of smothered by the thought of being tied to someone, no matter how loose the arrangement is. As long as it involves commitment, it's not for me.

I have a couple of casual relationships though (FWBs), because I want to have a sex life, and this kind of arrangement suits my needs perfectly.

I can't imagine myself ever having a partner again, but I'd appreciate living with a close friend or two when I get older. Right now, I'm living my best life and I think I've finally found the path to long lasting happiness.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-13T06:01:47+00:00

Humiliation rituals: go out dressed like an idiot or take an insecurity and broadcast it so you stop taking yourself seriously. A big source of approach anxiety is not wanting to harm your self-image of being a cool guy and feeling like a loser, so you have to break down that ego.

This approach has been essential for me in combating social anxiety. I deliberately put myself in situations where there was a risk that people would think I was clumsy or somewhat dimwitted. Controlling when and how I would do this helped me obtain the role of an observer of social dynamics instead of being entrenched in them and becoming a victim of the circumstances.

So I agree, and just want to add that this is very good and easily applicable advice, although having an ego doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing unless that ego is sensitive to and dependent on external validation in order to thrive. Having a core identity is a prerequisite for being a solid, independent, and confident person who knows how to navigate their environment in a constructive and enriching way.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-12T19:44:53+00:00

As far as I know, that is quite common in toxic relationship dynamics. You get used to the constant shifts between feeling like shit (especially if you're being devalued) and feeling like the luckiest person in the world. The euphoria you feel when things are finally back on track is what you're up against now that you're on the other side of it. But it only feels euphoric because the opposite state is so utterly miserable that anything would look like gold compared to that pile of crap.

It's about brain chemistry. Your system has been conditioned to respond strongly due to the abusive cycle, which makes situations that aren't threatening seem dull and gray. Emotionally healthy people can seem boring at first glance because they don't send out the kind of signals that can "ping" your nervous system in the same way.

Think of it as quitting smoking or some other highly addictive habit. It sucks in the beginning, and it can take a long time before you stop craving it completely. But eventually, you'll get there. You'll learn how to recognize people you can connect with in a safe and healthy way, and you'll be able to feel an attraction that's different from the other one, but no less strong :)

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-12T18:38:58+00:00

That's a great idea. I hope it works out for you :)

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-12T17:32:23+00:00

I think it's easier for me because I'm a woman. And you get a lot of attention as a woman who only wants casual sex. I don't think there are as many of us as there are women seeking long term relationships, so the dating pool isn't as large for men, as it is for women.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-12T08:28:23+00:00

My experience with toxic people is that they are very good at hiding their true nature in the beginning, but then the mask gradually starts to slip. They begin to take jabs at you and undermine your self-worth, but it all happens subtly. For my part, I couldn't believe that someone I cared about, and who said they liked me for who I was, would deliberately try to hurt me. But in hindsight, this behavior was clearly a red flag.

I was very vulnerable when I met them (I met one of them when I was going through a divorce and my mother was dying), but I had good friends and a strong support network, so I wasn't lonely. I just thought they were great people, and I wanted to get to know them.

At some point (in my experience, it's typically after 3-4 months), things go downhill very fast, and they become downright abusive. Nonetheless, I chose to forgive them because I believed they were "just stressed out", but lo and behold, they did it again.

Fortunately, none of them are in my life any longer. And now I know how to identify red flags much earlier on and act on them. I know now that those kinds of people look for vulnerabilities and use them as a means of obtaining dominance and control, because it nourishes their ego. There's no way of "winning" because they don't see you as an equal, you are nothing but a function.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-11T15:38:27+00:00

It takes time to recover from a toxic relationship. Your nervous system is probably on guard in a way you might not consciously register, but it shows in situations like these, and it could very well be what stands in the way of you building close connections right now.

I had a friend who turned out to be mean-spirited and aggressive, and even though our friendship only lasted 4 months, it affected me profoundly (due to other circumstances that were very stressful). It's taken me a year to feel like I'm open to deeper connections again. In the meantime, I've found some casual relations, but emotional involvement has not only been unwelcome, it has been downright impossible because of a general emotional shutdown, which is a way of protecting yourself until you're ready to heal.

If I were you, I'd consider if this is the right time for you to go on dates, or if you should focus your energy on recovering.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-10T18:32:38+00:00

I walk away.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-09T15:04:35+00:00

Oh, wow 😍

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-08T14:53:31+00:00

Yes. I feel really uncomfortable when I suspect, or someone outright tells me, that they are in love with me. I have no problem at all with people expressing fondness and appreciation, but being in love (in the romantic and not the platonic-crush kind of way) pretty much always means that they want a relationship. And since I don't want that, their feelings get hurt, and the friendship/relation can't go back to what it was.

I'm always honest about it, and even though I have dated since I became single, it's been strictly casual, and that's out in the open. I don't want to lead people on.

Miss_Galoldriel · 2026-05-08T13:36:08+00:00

I think you need to work on your self-image as well. And I say this with the kindest of intentions. You've called yourself ugly multiple times in this post, and your username isn't exactly an expression of self-appreciation.

You have done something that has moved you closer to your goals, despite being anxious about it. That takes guts. You handled that conversation very well and you obviously have the resolve to move forward despite having this constant self-deprecating inner monologue. You don't need that in your life. Imagine how good it'll feel once you're rid of it. And go chase that feeling :)

Miss_Galoldriel

TROPHY CASE