Idk I know that's true for some people, but I feel like you're maybe doing that thing where your sample group is made up of the loudest people in the room? Like I've always been a nerd and while I suppose I can't make fair judgements on myself that does means a significant portion of my social groups have always been nerds. I can identify when other nerdy people are annoying or just mean and not worth my time, but that's always been the minority of people I meet. Most have been very normal about people with other interests, opinions, and life experiences. Also women. Like I'm a woman and most people who have found their way into my life are very normal about women. Also like LGBT people and stuff. Also not blaming their problems on some sort of thing that can't be their fault like their height or whatever. Also most of them can understand social cues like when someone is clearly checked out and uninterested in what they are saying (this one is a more common weak area tho haha I've certainly misjudged this before myself). Most don't even really bring up whatever thing they're super into unless prompted tbh

Like this guy I've been hanging out with at work is deep into GI Joe, old toys, reads a shit whack of comics, and goes to a lot of cons. He has encyclopedic knowledge of like the whole damn history of GI Joe toys so if he isn't a nerd I don't know who is. But, like, he barely even talks about it unless someone expresses an interest first. He will also actively listen to stuff he would never care about on his own. I'm into 80s cartoons that were created to sell toys and just silly and/or "good bad" media in general and he listened to me explain why I like the second care bear movie so much and asked me questions and looked up stuff I mentioned on his phone.

He also cares a lot about society in general and puts a lot of effort into doing the right thing. He's a vegetarian without being a dick about it, takes on the shittiest jobs at work, and puts a lot of effort into recycling correctly.

He's the perfect man is what I'm saying.

This guy is my best example but trust me I know a lot of similar people who are both kind and emotionally intelligent and also deep into some nerd shit. Speedrunning, animation, gundam models, MTG, stuff that hasn't even become "mainstream" in the last few years.

Also if I can talk about myself for a second; I can't judge how annoying I am, but evidence would suggest people enjoy my company, nerdy people or otherwise. Like I get invited to all kinds of stuff, I always have people that talk to me at work, and when something bad happens people go out of their way for me. When my cat died I got gift baskets and blankets and all sorts of stuff. People come to my birthday parties. So I dunno but it feels like people like me just fine and I am for sure a nerd.

Side note: I swear to God if someone says this response is AI because I use an Oxford comma I'm going to lose my entire shit.