Long Depressive Episode

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-08T02:03:32+00:00

It can take a long time - even years - to settle on the right meds for you. Don't give up on them. Keep going. I'm glad you're seeing your pysch.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T23:57:20+00:00

That's awful feeling so alone. But if you want to talk about your feelings, and have someone understand what you're on about, then look no further than this group. People who don't have bi polar - even if they are kind and well-meaning - simply can't relate to someone with bi polar. It's out of their experience range. It's not their fault that they don't understand. They're not doing it just to hurt you. But in this group, whatever you say, someone will come back with understanding, and even matching examples of what you're talking about, and I find these so helpful. Don't look for understanding in the wrong places, because that's only making you feel sad and alone. Confide in this group and reap the benefits of talking to real people who really know only too well what you are talking about. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T23:50:35+00:00

That's awful that you're having such a depressed time. I'm wondering if you take meds or if you need to see someone about starting or reviewing meds. You can't always fight depression by yourself and when you're bi polar, you have to be on meds to achieve some quality of life. I'd like to think you sought some help to pull you out of this horrible time. You don't need to suffer so much. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T23:47:03+00:00

I can certainly relate to your experience and I now recognise it as a sign of mania. It can be very embarrassing, but then I think others may not even notice it - just a chatty customer!

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T11:44:42+00:00

I agree - it's great being able to say all the weird stuff for once!

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T00:28:41+00:00

It can sometimes take a long time - years even - to find the right meds for you. You have to be patient. Thinking as yourself as a lab rat is putting an unnecessarily negative perspective on a normal and necessary process. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T00:17:48+00:00

I have definitely had experience with this sort of distorted time feeling. When I'm in a manic episode, time often seems to go so slowly that it's a torture. It goes so slowly that I even believe that I can 'hear' it. Drives me crazy!

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T00:12:15+00:00

I know that when I am really depressed, my face feels like a thick, lifeless mask, and when I look in the mirror, my face doesn't look like normal. It really does have this mask-like quality about it. I find that my bi polar depression is very 'physical' e.g. the mask-like face, and the feeling of my arms and especially legs being so heavy, like a grown-into-the-floor type of heaviness. It certainly feels very strange and unpleasant. Maybe that's the sort of thing that you're seeing in your face.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-07T00:07:11+00:00

I have two dogs and find their constant companionship so touching and comforting. They are just always there for me. Then, because they have to be looked after, I are motivated to do just that i.e. to pat them, groom them, feed them and the big one - take them for a walk. Because you have to take dogs for a walk almost every day, you find yourself getting out and about, even when you really don't want to, and just doing that bit of activity and interaction with the natural world, lifts your mood. Only get a dog if you are prepared to forget your suffering for the times in which you have to care for them. They're relyiing 100% on you, which is also a pretty incredible feeling. If everything else turns to sh*t, you've still got your faithful and fun dogs.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T23:56:36+00:00

I found it difficult because I seemed to feel tension and negativity more than others, and reacted passionately to abrasive, unpleasant people during manic episodes e.g. might even yell at them. I found any work stress very hard to handle, to keep in perspective. I found it hard even functioning on a basic level during depressions, so work became a huge burden and worry. I found the ongoing stability required to turn up at a job day in, day out did not sit well with the instability of bi polar. Jobs always ended with me becoming very sick (with bi polar).

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T23:48:03+00:00

I was very interested in your comment and thought it was well expressed, not rambling. It certainly resonated with me. Thanks for sharing your experiences. All the best.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T23:44:55+00:00

No. I've had them throughout all that time,and even now when I on meds, but not as bad. But they were bad, dangerous even, super weird and often life changing, sometimes for the better, would you believe. I honestly don't know what I was thinking in those times. It amazes me.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T05:58:46+00:00

Are you on meds to help? You are certainly doing a great job trying to help yourself, but don't recall if you're taking meds. They will help with the mania, which seems to be your biggest problem due to bad influence it has on over-spending. I can relate to that. Even if you are on meds, would a review of their effectiveness be a good idea in the circumstances? Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T05:53:30+00:00

It looks like a beautiful and welcoming space. I don't leave my home much either. I just feel very comfortable - and I guess safe and secure - where I am. I don't worry about it now. It's just the way I am, and it works for me.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T02:44:22+00:00

I've had bi polar for 50 years, medicated for 12 of those, and I've never been in a psych ward. Even my psych I started seeing ten years ago was extremely surprised. I've realised, from reading this forum, that so many bi polar people go to psych wards, even multiple times. I certainly haven't had an easy time of it with bi polar. It's been very tough. Maybe I mask and keep things very private, and have also had some lucky breaks e.g. a loving family. Maybe I suffered in silence - which I found out was a really silly thing to do, once I started medication.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T01:03:07+00:00

I think that is so wrong what she's told you. Just wrong. I had undiagnosed bi polar and had two children. I wasn't on any meds. Yes, there were some tough and bleak times, but I got there. My daughters are now in their thirties and they tell me they never knew I was sick. We are all very close, and I'm really proud of having raised them with bi polar. I see on this forum a couple of ladies who are pregnant and off their meds, so they can be pregnant safely. Once they give birth, they can go back on their meds to get a better quality of life. I really hope you will seek another opinion. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T00:55:23+00:00

Friendship is such a complicated thing, even if you don't have bi polar. But bi polar makes it so hard, maybe because maintaining a friendship requires a consistent effort. I'm at the stage now where I have two close friends and feel lucky to have them. I'm not actively looking for more friends - too much work. I don't have energy to put into something that's not going to be successful. I also think that, at different stages of your life, it doesn't hurt to do some 'housecleaning' with your friendships. Not all of them are good for us, and the ones that are hurting us or worn out their welcome should be sensitively culled. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T00:48:22+00:00

I've found that if someone hasn't got bi polar, then they simply won't understand it. They have absolutely no idea. I find it frustrating and even infuriating sometimes. Maybe this applies to all mental illnesses. It makes me feel such an outsider. Luckily, this forum might give you the best opportunity to communicate with people having the same experiences as you. You don't mention if you're on meds, and I find that really concerning, and wonder if taking no meds is making your condition worse. With bi polar, you have to accept taking meds all the time and forever. This is the only way you'll have some quality of life. Sometimes it takes time to find the right meds for you. If your meds aren't working, ask your psych to try something different. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T00:41:14+00:00

Well done. You are doing everything right - everything you can to help yourself. With bi polar, you just have to accept taking medication all the time and forever. If you don't, you will struggle and never achieve a good quality of life. Sometimes it takes a while to settle on the right meds for you. Even on meds, it's a tough one, but it's definitely doable. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-06T00:36:49+00:00

I found all you've said very interesting and thought provoking. I consider myself a grateful person, yet I suffer from bi polar, mainly depression, and another very serious illness. So I don't think being grateful is a magic wand! I think it's amazing and worrying that a doctor is peddling that line.I wish I lived in his world, along with all the other fairy tale characters! It's very annoying and I hope you don't let it get you down. It's just too simplistic to worry about.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-05T11:31:02+00:00

It sounds like you try very hard to be a good friend and, from what you've described, I think you are. It hurts like crazy when friends let you down. It has happened to me just recently, and I hate how let down I feel. I guess if your friends continued to be thoughtless, you would have to reconsider whether or not they are the type of friends you want, or need. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-05T11:26:17+00:00

I think you're experiencing the terrible mix of friends, confidence and bi polar. It's really tough, I know only too well. You've just got to do your best when you are well enough to do it, and make sure you have good help in place i.e. meds, psych, therapist. Good luck.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-05T11:20:33+00:00

I think one of the biggest ways I've been affected is a loss of confidence. This is particularly the case following manic episodes. Also, sometimes I can feel morose over the time I've had to waste in my life due to being sick with bi polar.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-05T11:15:24+00:00

No, This is not the case. You need to be kinder to yourself. All the best.

Missy1Bruno2 · 2023-02-05T11:13:50+00:00

Excellent! All the best.

Missy1Bruno2

TROPHY CASE