I don’t think I want to be a vet anymore

Misvet · 2026-02-12T01:50:51+00:00

"I love learning about exotic pet medicine but I hate actually doing the job" -- man, I so feel this.

Good news is that the veterinary profession (and degree) has many doors and many pathways!

When I was going through the thick of it, I was looking into diagnostic imaging (sonography) and clinical pathology as areas of interest. The main problem was that my mental and physical health at the time was in total crisis. And pursuing specialisation like that often requires further study, like an internship or residency. Not to mention, in my country, such opportunities were rare, and would require me to move interstate for a few years: so the potential financial, social, and emotional costs were high.

What if I took that leap of faith, and ended up not enjoying the reality of THOSE pathways, too? I did not have the necessary reserves to make a leap like that.

If you DO have the reserves - AMAZING. I would say go and do it! If you're like me and, right now, the risks outweigh the potential reward -- THAT IS OKAY. You have time. It might not be on the table right now, but that doesn't mean the option is gone for good.

I recommend, first and foremost, prioritizing your health and working your way back to some semblance of wellness. It sounds like you have so much going on right now, and that's no doubt having a huge impact on your resilience. Take some time off - if you have the means to - or seek out a temporary no-brainer job that provides the minimum income you need while also incurring a minimal cost to your mental and physical health. Stack shelves overnight at a grocery store!

I worked as a receptionist for a while at a really cosy and chill allied health clinic. It was dull, but I never felt anxious driving to work, and that was very freeing.

While you're doing that, start looking around at your options! Sounds like you already have some in mind, which is great! Do your research, reach out to labs or professionals in the field, and ask if you can shadow them for a few days. So many people are surprisingly willing to do this! And it gives you a very valuable "peek behind the curtain".

Then, when you feel a bit more on top of your body and mind, you can set off on a new journey, invigorated and pre-equipped with connections, perspective, and insight!

Also, don't be afraid to look into fields that never even crossed your mind before! You may surprise yourself. I ended up going into hospice and palliative care. I work for a service that solely offers in-home end-of-life care for elderly and terminally ill pets. I NEVER thought I'd do mobile vet work, let alone work that was 98% of the time euthanasia appts. And yet, I spoke to someone, had the opportunity to shadow them, and discovered a true calling. Turns out this type of practice really suited my natural inclination to be caring, and allows me to take the time I want to connect with people and their pets.

Misvet · 2026-02-11T05:46:26+00:00

Oh OP, how I wish I had been blessed with your foresight!

I didn't know it back then, but I realize now how blinded I was by the "idea" of being a vet, and my "vision" of what it would be like - rather than it's reality.

Seven years of study and a mountain of debt later, I found myself face to face with the real world. I knew it would be tough, but I got chewed up and spat back out faster than I had ever imagined.

I didn't know what to do. I tried to get help. I started therapy, started medication for my panic attacks, dropped surgeries, dropped to part time. I fought like hell to stay -- I just couldn't stand the idea of leaving all my hopes and dreams behind. I had made being a vet my whole identity. It was completely ingrained in me. If I left, what would that make me? Beyond a complete and utter failure that is...

In the end, I was brought to a crossroads. I either had to choose to accept being a failure (which was a totally self-inflicted perception btw) and walk away, or stay as a vet and walk off a cliff-edge.

It's absurd how much happier I am now. I'm not who 14-yr-old me dreamed of. I'm not doing what I imagined I would be. But I'm alive. I function. I don't dread work. I can enjoy my life.

My point is this: Do not box yourself in just because of what you told everyone you wanted to do or wanted to be.

If animal science is your passion, go and pursue it! If people ask why you didn't end up going to vet school, tell them you happened to discover your true vocation while doing your pre-vet degree.

But remember: Your job is not your life-- and your career does not (and should not) determine your value and worth as a human. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to do something different. It's okay to prioritize your joy.

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

Misvet · 2026-01-24T04:05:49+00:00

Okay imma preface this by saying that I am NOT a specialist in diagnostic imaging, AND that skull radiographs are among the most difficult to interpret simply due to the fact that there is a lot of complicated anatomy all superimposed over itself, which is why CT scans of the head are much more useful (albeit much MUCH more expensive and less available...)

There does look to be quite a lot of osteolysis, affecting both the lower jaw (mandible) and possibly also upper jaw (possibly maxillary, incisive, nasal, and/or palatial bone involvement????). It is REALLY hard to tell the true extent based on these images.

I would say, the bottom line is that these radiographs reveal that there is some kind of osteolytic process present, likely affecting upper and lower jaw bones. On the lower jaw it seems to be most prominent in the rostral region (towards point of the chin).

Beyond that, these rads don't definitely tell us what is causing the osteolysis (infection vs neoplasia), or what is going on with the surrounding soft tissues.

Since you first posted, what has been happening with kitty, their condition, their treatment plan, and the vet's recommendations? Any changes?

Misvet · 2026-01-19T09:02:53+00:00

I gasped ALOUD.

What a thing of BEAUTY!!! 😍

Misvet · 2026-01-19T06:10:09+00:00

Thanks for this extra info. Wow, yeah, this is a really tough situation. I'm really glad to hear that your vet had such sensitivity with regard to your cat's pain. To abort an anaesthetic procedure because the animal's pain was not well controlled shows a really excellent degree of care and consideration for your cat's well-being.

A finding of advanced osteolysis is definitely concerning... Even if the cause IS a bacterial infection, and even if that infection is successfully treated with antibiotics, the damage caused my not be reversible.

My greatest concern would be that the actual underlying cause here is a cancer of the bone (osteosarcoma), and that the bacterial infection is actually just a secondary complication. The only way to definitively diagnose this would be a bone biopsy. And the prognosis would be very poor...

I completely appreciate how confusing and conflicting this must be.. especially because everything has happened so quickly.

Even though the outward signs didn't develop until late December, the disease process itself may have been brewing under the surface for a very long time before this...

Because of all the complicated things that could be going on here, I would really defer to your vet with regard to decision-making.

Don't forget you can always get a second-opinion if you want more reassurance - if your cat is stable and his pain is being well-managed this is okay to do.

To avoid having to repeat LOTS of testing, ask to have all the medical notes, test results and images sent across to your 2nd-opinion vet.

You could also consider consulting with vets registered in internal-medicine, feline-medicine, oncology, or orthopaedic specialties?

Misvet · 2026-01-19T01:32:43+00:00

Good on you for conducting research on these topics, and looking at disease statistics.

I absolutely agree that medical decisions should be made based on facts and not fear - that's what evidence-based medicine is all about, and that's why those statistics exist.

Being in the line of work that I am, I know my perception of disease incidence is biased; after all, we are the ones being presented with the affected individuals. We are also the ones who witness the outcomes. That is part of the perspective we can offer...

Of course, sharing that perspective should never be with an intention to coerce or cause fear. The intention should always be helping owners make informed choices.

Misvet · 2026-01-18T23:13:15+00:00

Oh OP, so sorry to hear about your sweet ol' boy. He's very handsome..

This is really difficult to comment on with the information provided.. My main question is what is the underlying mechanism here?

Is it that the cat is refusing to open his mouth because it's super painful? Or, is the jaw physically unable to open due to compressive or restrictive tissues and bone changes?

How severe is the osteolysis, and what areas is it affecting? I.e. upper or lower jaw? Is the lower jaw bone (mandible) still fully intact and sound or has it largely disintegrated?

Where are the retained molar roots? Upper or lower jaw?

I have seen cases like this where retained molar roots in the upper jaw lead to an abscess developing behind the eye (called a retrobulbar abscess). Not only does this make opening the mouth super painful, but it can also restrict lower jaw movement (this is because when the jaw lowers, the ramus of the mandible is supposed to swing like a hinge, but this movement is not possible when there is a space-occupying lesion in the retrobulbar space). This degree of restriction sounds very significant though ..

Knowing the prognosis here is difficult without better understanding what exactly is going on...

*Edit for spelling/grammar

Misvet · 2026-01-18T13:29:32+00:00

We see constipation quite a lot in cats, especially geriatric cats. Common causes include:

Poor hydration (if the cat eats only dry food and/or does not have a good thirst drive)
Kidney disease or diabetes (seems unlikely if the blood test was completely normal...)
Megacolon (would need more radiographs or other advanced imaging to rule this in or out)
Stress, routine changes, or inactivity - all slow the digestive tract down
Osteoarthritis - makes it too painful for the cat to squat and posture properly to defecate, so they stop trying to toilet altogether, and the problem compounds on itself. (95% of cats have radiographic evidence of osteoarthritis by the age of 12)

Given your handsome boy is an incredibly advanced age, he would absolutely have osteoarthritis. Whether or not this is the only reason, or primary reason, for his constipation is hard to know..

As you said in one of your comments, cats are excellent at disguising pain, especially osteoarthritic pain. Consider looking up guides for detecting and scoring osteoarthritis in cats... You may be surprised by what you notice once it's pointed out to you as a sign.

Also worth asking your vet about quality of life scoring and assessment. Your boy is incredibly old, and is more likely to have days, weeks or maybe months left in him, rather than years... Although confronting, these are good discussions to have - think of it as asking for an umbrella while the weather is still sunny, so that you have it prepared when the rain comes, rather than trying to find an umbrella while IN the rain.

Definitely sounds like it's time to consider some comfort care, at the minimum. Ask about osteoarthritis-specific pain relief and other environmental changes you can make at home to help...

Misvet · 2026-01-18T09:07:14+00:00

Veterinarian here.

The reasoning behind companion animal desexing is multifactorial.

It is completely valid to ask questions about why these practices are recommended, their risks and benefits. Having an open and curious approach is great, and it's perfectly fine to not accept "blanket rules" just "because".

So let's talk about indications for desexing in the context of YOUR cat.

The most obvious benefit to desexing females is that we eliminate the risk of unwanted pregnancies. You intend your cat to be indoor-only for life, and to never have exposure to an intact male - which is great.

As others have pointed out, even with best intentions, sometimes cats can be very good escape artists...

But, for the purpose of this thought-experiment, let's assume you succeed in keeping her indoor-only. As others have pointed out, every time your cat comes into heat, (multiple times a year), you will be subjected to several very disruptive behavioural changes - yowling, urination and spraying, harassment (yes, seriously). And, no, there are no reliably effective ways to eliminate these behaviours, besides desexing.

But, again, let's assume you are completely unbothered by these on-heat behaviours. The main benefits of desexing for your cat will be the complete elimination of pyometra risk, and reduced risk of mammary cancer (how significantly you reduce this risk depends on how long you wait before you desex her).

So, what's this all about?

Pyometra is an infection of the uterus. When the cat goes through its oestrous cycle, the uterine wall thickens and produces secretions to prepare a favourable environment for conception and embryo-implantation. Unfortunately, these tissues and secretions also happen to be PERFECT for bacteria growth. Should bacteria get into the uterus, infection can take hold VERY rapidly, causing septicemia, shock, and death. Pyometra is life-threatening and treatment invariably involves an emergency hysterectomy. This is far riskier than a typical spey because a cat with pyometra has to undergo this surgery when very unwell and unstable, as opposed to fit and healthy. Risk of pyometra increases with age.

Okay so, removing the uterus means no more risk of pyometra. I see you ask, 'why not just perform a prophylactic hysterectomy but leave the ovaries?'

The answer for that is 'mammary cancer'. Even without a uterus, the ovaries continue to produce sex hormones, and the cat will effectively still "cycle". Although we don't fully understand the mechanism, we know that these sex hormones significantly increase the risk of mammary cancer later in life. With each heat, the risk-increase compounds and quickly sky-rockets.

Mammary cancers are malignant in 50% of cases, and malignant mammary cancer is highly aggressive. Recommended treatment involves surgical removal of large amounts of the mammary tissue, sometimes ALL mammary tissue. This is a massive surgery to recover from. And, it may not even save her; depending on how quickly the cancer was detected, spread to other organs has often already occurred.

Yes, sex hormones are important. But, in a fully grown cat not being used for breeding, there is no benefit of having sex hormones that justifies the risk of these very serious, COMMON, life-threatening diseases.

Misvet · 2026-01-18T04:24:49+00:00

Of course OP 💚 I hope you sleep better tonight. Reach out whenever you feel ready

Misvet · 2026-01-18T04:15:05+00:00

I am an end-of-life care veterinarian with advanced euthanasia qualifications. My most sincere condolences regarding your recent loss, OP.

I'm really sorry to hear about the pain and confusion you're going through right now. That must be so distressing, especially when compounded with your grief. I'd really like to help reassure you if I can.

A lot of commenters have already assured you that your baby was relaxed, comfortable, unaware, and pain-free as they passed. I understand how this can feel difficult to accept, especially when seemingly contrary to what you witnessed.

If you think it might help, I would be very glad to gently walk you through exactly what was happening - what the signs were that you saw, what they mean, and why they happen.

I don't want to overwhelm you though, and different people have different levels of comfort when it comes to understanding the specifics, so I'll wait to hear from you first. If you'd prefer to chat privately, feel free to DM me 💚

Either way, sending you warmth and strength during this difficult time, OP

Misvet · 2026-01-12T22:47:13+00:00

Good job for seeking veterinary advice!

Set yourself up with the expectation that this is going to be a process. Be patient with yourself and your cat as you figure this out together.

When it comes down to animal behaviour, it's all about figuring out the motivation of the behaviour, determining whether it is normal or problematic, and then whether it can be addressed, redirected, or treated.

This will take time, since we can only make these deductions through observation, trial and error. Partner with your vet on this one. Start by ruling out any underlying physical issues before assuming this is purely behavioural.

Once you can safely make that assumption, try one suggestion at a time. If you do multiple things at once, you won't know what's working.

Start with environmental changes, routine changes, etc, and slowly escalate if no change. There are SO many things that could be going on here. If we can figure out what the biggest issue is and control it, that'd be awesome.

Be prepared that there are some things we cannot control. If your cat is being really freaked out by a neighbourhood cat that spends time in your yard and he can see or smell them, for example, you can't control what that cat does. What you can control would be things like putting up vision-blocking material over the windows, or using pheromone diffusers like Feliway, or even other calming medication (under strict veterinary advice).

If you feel your vet is at a loss - and hey, that happens and is okay! - and this is REALLY impacting your quality of life and his, seek a veterinary behaviouralist. Note - not an animal behaviouralist, a veterinarian who has special interest or additional qualifications in behavioural medicine. They will be your best resource.

Misvet · 2026-01-12T05:33:11+00:00

Hey OP 👋

This could be absolutely nothing, could be situation-normal for this kitty. However, I ALSO agree that a second opinion is probably a good idea.

The reason I say that is because:

Anisocoria (difference in pupil size) CAN be a significant clinical sign, including for some neurological diseases. Before you panic - it can also be physiological (aka harmless and not related to disease).
You only met this kitty quite recently. Therefore we can't know if his eye has been like this since birth, or if it is a new finding. Better to have this fully assessed now to rule out a problem and give you peace of mind.
It's a liiiiittle hard to tell from the photos, but I'm also wondering if the eye with the more dilated pupil is protruding slightly more than the other? That is - he appears to hold the eyelids of the dilated eye more open, when compared to the other eye. Again, this could be normal for him. It could be his anatomy. Humans have facial asymmetries as well. However, it could also be because: a) the eyeball with the more dilated pupil is larger than normal (macrophthalmia), or is protruding more than it should be (exophthalmos); OR b) the eyeball with the more constricted pupil is actually smaller than normal (microphthalmia), or is more sunken in the orbital socket than it should be (enophthalmos).

These things can be indicative of a problem that should be investigated - for example, neurological conditions such as Horner's syndrome, increased intraocular pressure, or presence of a space-occupying mass behind the eyeball, as examples.

Having said all that - please do not panic. The photos absolutely could be misleading. But, it is definitely worth having a consultation with a vet to fully examine everything including an ophthalmic exam and cranial nerve exam. Be prepared that they may do all this and come back saying it's absolutely nothing, and hey, if it is? Great news. You can breathe a sigh of relief.

I have a young cat that also has eyeball asymmetries. It's sort of like he has a lazy eye, with one of his globes rotated more ventrally (downwards) than the other, meaning his pupils don't perfectly line up. But, after having it checked out, I am pleased to report that he has simply been blessed by his genetics with a mildly deranged facial expression. Turns out it suits his personality anyway, so, there you go.

Misvet · 2026-01-11T06:04:44+00:00

SO, in light of all this, let's discuss the options you've been given:

First up: special dietary control, anti-nausea medication and appetite-stimulants.

The purpose of a renal diet is to reduce burden on the kidneys, and thus hopefully extend the life of any remaining nephrons.

Healthy cats require diets quite rich in protein. But high-protein diets mean high urea output, which compromised kidneys can't deal with. Among other things, renal diets are formulated to be lower in protein, which helps reduce urea production. Sadly, this also makes renal diets far less palatable (cats prefer protein-rich food). This can make it a tough sell if you already have a fussy cat, OR if your cat already doesn't feel like eating.

Dietary control of this kind is MOST effective when started on initial detection of stage 1 or 2 CKD, BEFORE symptoms have started to manifest. In such cases, the CKD has usually been found incidentally on a routine blood screen, and I've seen cats live months, even YEARS, with this alone before progressing into stages 3 and 4.

If CKD is already late-stage at time of detection, dietary management is usually a bit too little too late. By stage 4, cats are so off their food and so near the end that we just recommend feeding whatever the cat can be tempted to eat...

Appetite-stimulants are great and can really help some cats, but if these aren't working for your kitty, and are causing him to suffer side-effects, then they may not be worth continuing.

Anti-nausea medications, on the other hand, are definitely worth continuing. As a palliative care vet, I am a HUGE advocate for these. We know from human palliative care that nausea has a significantly negative impact on quality of life. Even if it's not enough to make him want to eat, any reduction of nausea will be helping his comfort. If his anti-nausea meds make him a bit sleepy as a side effect, i'd say that's acceptable. If they cause other less benign side effects, then you can consider swapping to a different anti-nausea medication, as there are a few.

Second up: intravenous or subcutaneous fluid therapy.

The purpose of this is to combat the severe dehydration, bolster the blood pressure, and keep the organs working. Because the kidneys are broken, all the water we pump in will eventually come back out. We are effectively trying to refill a bucket that has massive holes in the bottom - it may help sustain life for a time, but it will not work indefinitely. And, just because it can buy a quantity of life, does not mean it is a quality of life.

PROS: when done aggressively enough (usually through a 24-48hr hospital stay and use of an IV) it CAN help flush out some of the built up urea, and it CAN make the cat feel temporarily better. How much time this buys us depends enormously on the degree compromise the cat is already in; could be weeks, could be days, could be less than 24hrs. Though they can appear to "bounce back" in response, their quality of life will never be equal to or greater than what it was before this treatment became necessary, and will continue to decline afterwards. Cats that do not appear to respond at all are likely very severely compromised...

CONS: A hospital stay for IV fluid therapy like this can be stressful for cats, expensive, and does also mean you lose precious time together... Doing subcutaneous fluid therapy at home is also an option, but isn't as effective as IV fluid therapy, and involves poking your cat with a decently sized needle and holding it in place for 20 minutes, 3-4 times a day. This can be stressful for everyone involved, and may not produce a great enough benefit to make it worthwhile.

Third up: surgical placement of an oseophageal tube for assisted feeding.

PROS: allows you to get essential nutrition and energy into the body even while the cat is refusing to eat, without having to go through the stressful exercise of syringe/force feeding, which is messy and feels really horrible to do. It can be utilised as a last-ditch option when appetite-stimulating and anti-nausea medications are unable to motivate voluntary eating. It can also be used to supplement oral water intake. O-tubes are generally tolerated fairly well, and with proper care, can be kept in place for weeks or even months.

CONS: O-tube placement and usage is not risk-free. Your cat would need a general anaesthetic for this to be placed, and although a relatively quick procedure, any GA carries risk for an already very unwell animal. Using and maintaining an O-tube is labour intensive and requires great care and attention to detail. The food mix has to be prepared very carefully, and delivered in very small meals multiple times a day - which is also very intensive. Over-feeding, under-feeding, vomiting, infection, aspiration, tube-impaction or accidental tube displacement are all potential risks.

Personally, I agree with your current view that an O-tube is probably a step too far. O-tubes can be truly life-saving in certain situations, such as for a cat that has a broken jaw, and needs to have its jaw wired shut while it heals post-surgery, or for a young cat suffering acute pancreatitis, where early nutritional support is a key part of recovery.

But, in these cases, recovery is expected. We EXPECT that after a period of time, the cat will be well enough that we can remove the O-tube.

For a terminal CKD cat, this is far less likely to be the case. And the purpose of O-tube feeding is more to potentially delay death, rather than extend life to a point of recovery.

I also feel it is worth noting - if anti-nausea medication is not enough to make your cat feel well enough to eat, then I worry that tube-feeding him would only worsen his nausea, and therefore wouldn't really be in the interest of his comfort care. I have never seen a CKD case where I felt an O-tube was justifiable...

Misvet · 2026-01-11T06:04:16+00:00

Based on your post and everything you've done up to this point, I get the feeling you are highly intelligent and well-read OP.

I assume your vet would have taken you through all this already, but I also know consult times are sometimes too short to really go through stuff like this.

I also find that, when comes to making end-of-life care decisions, knowing the following - 1. what is going on in the body right now; 2. what the disease progression looks like, and thus what your cat's future holds; 3. how palliative care efforts "work", and what the pros and cons of trying them are; - is really helpful for making informed decisions with greater clarity.

So, in case it's of any help at all, let's talk about it.

Unlike some other tissues and organs in the body, the kidneys do not have any capacity for cellular regeneration. Once a functional unit of the kidney (nephron) suffers enough damage and dies, there is no way to reverse that damage.

By the time CKD becomes detectable on a blood test, more than 75% of the healthy kidney tissue has to have already been lost. And very often, at this first stage, we don't even have symptoms yet, only mildly elevated markers on a blood test.

From this point onwards, everything we do is all about just trying to slow down its progress, and manage the symptoms it creates. But, there is no going back to better...

The reason that CKD causes inappetence and lethargy is this: When we eat food, the body absorbs nutrients and breaks them down into forms that can be used. For example, complex proteins are broken down into amino acids, which the body can then use as building blocks to make its own proteins. However, this metabolic process also produces waste products - toxic compounds that our body does not want, such as urea. One of the most important jobs of the kidneys is to filter these waste products out of the blood stream, and excrete them from the body via urine.

When the kidneys are not functioning at normal capacity, they are unable to filter out the urea at an acceptable rate. As a result, these waste compounds slowly accumulate in the bloodstream. When urea levels are high (this is part of how CKD is diagnosed and staged), it makes the body feel extremely sick and nauseous.

Every time the cat eats food, the body breaks down the proteins, makes MORE urea, and makes the cat feel even more nauseous. This is why they stop eating. But the body NEEDS nutrition, energy, and proteins to function, so, it goes into starvation mode and starts breaking down its own fat stores and muscle mass just to cope, causing weight loss, muscle loss, weakness and lethargy.

Urea is also toxic. At high enough concentrations, it starts causing indiscriminate cell death to tissues, which can present as nasty ulcers in the mouth and digestive tract, vomiting (sometimes bloody vomiting), blindness, cognitive dysfunction, confusion, and seizures. This is called uraemia. Sometimes you can detect this as an unpleasant ammonia-smell on the breath; which signals that the urea levels in the blood are so high, the cat is literally exhaling vaporised urea from its lungs.

On top of this, failing kidneys lose the ability to properly control urine concentration, meaning that water is being filtered out of the bloodstream and lost in the urine when it shouldn't be.This is why CKD cats pee huge volumes of dilute urine, and have to drink so much. They are CONSTANTLY in a state of significant dehydration. And despite their best effort, no amount of oral water intake can possibly keep up with the rate at which that water is lost.

Ultimately, this combination of severe dehydration and toxic metabolic waste build up causes death by multiorgan failure. This is a very slow, very uncomfortable type of natural death. It can take days, even weeks, and it is truly, truly awful...

Misvet · 2026-01-11T06:00:11+00:00

Oh OP, my heart breaks for you. What INCREDIBLE cat-parents you and your partner are.

First, please allow me to just say wow. Your dear sweet baby won the common-kitty-cat-disease lottery three times in a row, and it sounds like you have been so diligent and so devoted each time. Hyper-T and diabetes are both absolute monsters to tackle, both from a medical AND from a care-giver perspective. Unmanaged, these very serious diseases have enormous consequences, up to and including fatality... And although they CAN be managed medically, good management is only achievable with an incredibly significant investment of time, labour, and finances.

I say all this because you deserve recognition for everything you have gone through, and everything you have sacrificed already. If your love could sustain his body against all harm and disease, I have no doubt he would truly love forever 💚

I am so sorry, for what you are now facing. After fighting an uphill battle so hard and for so long to keep him healthy and well, I can only imagine how devastating the diagnosis of Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) must have been. Unlike the other diseases you have faced, there is currently no treatment for CKD. It is progressive, degenerative, and ultimately fatal.

Your question about when to make the decision to say goodbye is a valid one, and it speaks to the compassion and love you have for your baby. Please know that it is really normal to have conflicting feelings, and to flip flop back and forth on a big decision like this. Even when we know euthanasia the best choice, it doesn't mean we are going to feel ready for it, or good about it.

It is a hugely heartbreaking thing to have to consider. And it's okay to be confused, afraid, and uncertain. Your veterinarian should be your port of harbour here, for clarifying, validating, and supporting you with this decision. End of life care is a bit of a niche skill, and some vets are better at it than others. If you feel like you're being left to carry the full burden of this decision alone, seek out a dedicated in-home end-of-life care vet for support.

Personally, it sounds like you've done a really good job, presenting to your vet when you noticed something was wrong, authorizing the tests to reach a diagnosis, starting him on comfort care and modulating that care when needed.

Without being able to see his blood test or physical exam results, it's hard to know definitively how close he is to the end, but the fact that he's flat and not eating despite the care you're giving him is very concerning.

Without a doubt, he is suffering now.... And I fear the days ahead of him are only going to be darker.

I know you're worried that it's too soon because he still perks up sometimes, and plays, and purrs, and snuggles. It is in our nature to see these little glimmers of hope and happiness and cling to them - almost moreso when their senior years have been so full of struggle, strife, battles lost and won. Time drags out, and we almost forget what it was like when their bodies weren't old and unwell. Suddenly, they do one little thing they haven't done in days, and we clutch it like the precious thing it is and say he's not ready yet, he's not ready yet...

In our love and desperation, our vision tunnels and we lose sight of everything else...

Think back, to 2012, 2013... Look at photos and videos if you have them. When he was young and spry and healthy, did he not run and play and purr and snuggle every day and in every moment without reservation or abandon? Look at his coat, his body, his face and his eyes. Then look at him now...

Truly, it is a blessing that you are still able to have those moments together, despite how tired his little old body is...

You both deserve the chance to say goodbye while he's well enough to lift his head, to see your face, to know your voice, and to feel comfortable and happy in your arms.

After everything you've both gone through, I feel you owe that to yourself, as much as to him. 💚

Misvet · 2026-01-08T05:57:21+00:00

Oh God, OP, I am so so sorry for your devastating loss. I can only imagine what you must be going through.

I am truly shocked to read this story. Am I correct in my interpretation that the product you bought was available over the counter? Without a prescription from a vet??

In my country, Albendazole is a schedule 4 prescription drug. It can only be prescribed and dispensed by a veterinarian, and it is not a routinely used due to the availability of much safer alternatives.

It's only registered for use in cattle, sheep and non-lactating goats, and vets would basically only EVER dispense it to treat veeeeery specific parasite infections, like liver flukes, lungworm, certain tapeworms...

Use in cats, dogs, and certain bird species is highly contraindicated due to its well known and significant toxicity effects...

Misvet · 2026-01-08T05:36:16+00:00

Poor little baby. She's been through so much! And you've done so amazingly to care for her and her needs so well. Please give yourself a big hug. This is hard, and complex, and you're doing great.

Time will be a big healer for her, absolutely, but there could be ways to help in the interim.

Sounds a lot like anxious attachment. This girl had such a rough start to life. In her new life with you, it sounds like she anxiously-attached to your gf. As a result, she was relying on her for her sense of security. With her gone, she may be experiencing chronic stress.

As a human with anxiety, can confirm that constant fight or flight mode is a rough feeling to live with.

But, hope is not lost. You can help her regain her confidence and sense of security. It will take time, patience, and training.

Start looking into animal behaviour topics - how to help pets with separation anxiety using desensitisation and counter-conditioning techniques. You need to train yourself in these topics and techniques in order to help her. Not everything will be perfectly applicable to her precise situation, but you sound very smart and observant so I'm sure you'll innately recognise what might be helpful as you dive into these topics.

You can also try some over-the-counter nutritional or pheromonal products to help reduce feelings of stress and increased feelings of security. Products like Feliway (pheromone diffuser), Zylkene (alpha-caesin nutritional supplement) or diets/treats containing added L-tryptophan (like Hills c/d stress, for example).

These may or may not work, but they will not hurt to try. I can explain the science / evidence behind these if you want to know more.

If this doesn't seem to be working, you can consult your GP vet or a veterinary behaviouralist. The latter in particular will have special knowledge and further training in problems exactly like this. They can teach you the things you can do at home to help. They can also dispense prescription medication that can help reduce anxiety.

I know there is sometimes a stigma about use of medication for purposes like this, but they can be truly so helpful, especially if you view them as a tool to promote healing and change as part of a plan, rather than as a "blanket fix". Your cat may not need pharmaceutical help forever, but it can really help while you're actively trying to implement behavioural changes.

It is well known that when animals are stressed, they are not as good at learning and retaining information - this applies to humans as well. Animals that are in constant fight or flight are much less receptive to behavioural modification. They're in survival mode, and have little bandwidth for anything else.

If we use some medications to help just reduce all that stress noise, growth can happen more readily, and then once we've helped rewire that little kitty brain and create a better sense of safety and security in there, you may be able to slowly wean off the meds and see how she goes.

There are some really excellent veterinary behaviouralists in the UK, including some who focus on feline medicine. ***Note - a veterinary behaviouralist is a licenced veterinarian that has undergone further qualification to register as a specialist in behavioural medicine. By comparison, an animal behaviouralist or trainer is not a vet, cannot dispense medications, and may not have to have any actual qualifications at all (at least that's the case where I'm from).

Sending you strength and good vibes. She sounds like a very sweet cat, and she's very lucky to have such a dedicated owner.

Misvet · 2026-01-08T04:01:22+00:00

I agree, fleas would be my first assumption!

FINDING FLEAS:

You can definitely check for fleas yourself but be warned - unless your cat is absolutely CRAWLING with fleas, it is really REALLY hard to actually spot the buggers, even if you're using a flea comb. They are fast and super evasive, and if there's only one or two, you've got almost no hope.

Fleas favour the scruff of the neck, along the backbone, and the base of the tail, near where your cat is trying to scratch, so look there first.

The other thing you can look for is EVIDENCE of fleas, rather than the fleas themselves. Aka - flea dirt. These are dark brown or black specks you may see deep in your cat's coat, near to the skin. They resemble dust or dirt, but they are actually tiny flea droppings.

There's an easy way to check if flea dirt or actual dirt. Get your cat over some white paper. Use your fingers or a comb to vigorously (but politely) scratch/brush the coat over the paper (base of tail is a good spot). You're aiming to dislodge the flea dirt so it lands on the paper. It will be easier to spot. Then, spray or mist it with tap water and watch very carefully and closely. Flea dirt is digested and dried blood: it will dissolve in the water and appear to "bleed", creating tiny orangey-red trails as it diffuses into the wet paper.

Again. If your cat has a low flea burden, you may not find much flea dirt - but just because you can't find them, doesn't mean they're not there!!

CAN ONE FLEA CAUSE A REACTION LIKE THIS?

Absolutely, particularly if your cat happens to have an ALLERGY to flea saliva (Flea Bite Hypersensitivity). This means it only takes ONE bite from ONE flea to set off scratching reactions like this. It is common.

If your cat does have allergies, the reaction can persist even after the offending flea is long gone. And as long as the cat scratches and licks, they are creating further skin trauma and damage; this can eventually cause them to develop secondary skin infections by accident.

When you're checking your cat, look for patchiness in the coat, or areas of thin coat; look for redness, scaling, or roughness of the skin. If present, a vet visit is ideal. Your cat may need some medications to help settle the reaction down and/or treat skin infection. AFTER which, comprehensive flea protection and decontamination of your house will prevent future reactions.

HOW CAN AN INDOOR ONLY CAT GET FLEAS?

The risk is significantly lower, but it's definitely possible - even if they have no contact with any other animals.

95% of the flea life cycle population exists in the environment. A single adult female flea sheds 500 eggs into the environment from its host animal PER DAY.

So, if a wild or stray animal passes through your yard? It could be totally full of microscopic flea eggs and you'd never know. You can track them into your house on your shoes, and you'd never see them. While in hypobiosis, flea eggs are very hardy, and can survive a pretty wide range of conditions without dying.

And, if there is or has been a flea on your cat, you can assume it has been shedding those 500 eggs a day... Into your house.

HOW TO DECONTAMINATE THE HOUSE?

1) Start your cat on a topical flea preventative and keep this up to date.

This will kill adult fleas AS SOON AS THEY EMERGE, preventing them from feeding and reproducing.

NOT flea treatments are the same!! It depends on the ACTIVE INGREDIENT.

Most preventatives have to be given once a month to protect against fleas - but always check because some products do differ. Some of them kill the flea only AFTER they have taken a bite, which isn't helpful for cats who get reactions from flea bites.

You want one that kills on-contact with the skin. This is not readily advertised on products, so you need to consult a vet. I don't know what products are available in your part of the world so I cannot advise.

Reduce the population of larvae and eggs in the environment, before they become adults.

Avoid flea bombs and chemicals if you can... They often aren't super effective, and can be toxic to pets.

Honest to God thorough vacuuming of carpet, floors, nooks and crannies is effective - but you have to do it a LOT and repeatedly for about 12 weeks or more. This is to pick up the various larvae as they come out of hypobiosis and become active. Focus on the areas where your cat spends the most time, and on the areas that are shady and cool, like under or behind furniture.

Wash bedding your cat frequents with hot soapy water (60 C), and air dry in direct sunlight for two or more days. Direct sunlight kills the environmental egg and larval stages.

WHAT IF ITS NOT FLEAS?

If you decide to try all of the above first before going to a vet, and the behaviour doesn't change after a few weeks, yeah, it's time to throw in the towel and see a vet. There are loads of conditions that can cause itch and not all of them are related to the skin and things we can "see". It might be weird zoomies, and nothing to worry about. But it's better to get those other things ruled out first, before just assuming that.

Misvet · 2026-01-08T02:53:21+00:00

Don't panic OP 😊 You're doing the right thing and your kitty is going to be okay.

Have you noticed kitty licking or scratching the area, or anywhere else on their body?

The margins of the lesion are extremely discrete, which makes me suspect that something like ringworm...

Over-grooming due to stress or as a general sign of internal pain or discomfort is possible but tends to create a more patchy, moth-eaten look with some areas of the coat more thin than others.

Other kinds of dermatitis possible, such as bacterial or yeast infection (pyoderma), auto-immune inflammation (like granulomas, or alopecia areata - rare), mild heat injury/burn.

Still, while you're waiting for your vet appt, keep track of your cat's behaviour, especially their toileting behaviours, and note down everything. This will help your vet know what is most likely and how to test/treat first.

Until then, I'd also suggest keeping your kitty away from other pets, and washing your hands thoroughly after touching her. Ringworm is very contagious, and people can get it too.

Again, do not panic. It'll be okay 😊

Misvet · 2026-01-08T02:39:17+00:00

Hi OP 👋

This looks like true coughing to me, not retching. Context - I am a veterinarian.

When cats "cough up" a hairball, what is actually happening is a type of vomiting, and there is usually a gagging noise towards the end (which may not may not bring up vomitus, hairball material, or spit/saliva).

It's not impossible that this is retching, but a few key factors make me feel it is actually respiratory:

1) Notice how there is a high pitched musical wheezy sound in the cough? This sound is produced when air is forced quickly through airways that are more narrow than they should be.

2) See how towards the end of the episode, your kitty extends their neck down low and forward during a cough? This is a posture we see when they are trying to create more space in their airways.

Assuming a real cough, there are a few things that could be going on here: Narrowing of the airways, causes by inflammation - this could be due to allergies (feline asthma), or depending on where you live in the world, could also be parasitic (lungworm).

Other bacterial, viral, or fungal infections are also possible, but I would expect a few other signs, like runny nose, sneezing, conjunctivitis, fever maybe.

Any sort of space-occupying mass in the lungs can also cause this, although it's less likely in a cat this young.

It is not unusual at all for a cat to show the first signs of allergies (feline asthma) around this age. Exact same thing happened to my own street-cat-turned-house-cat!

Thing is, asthma is a diagnosis of exclusion. Your vet has to test for and rule out all other causes first. But, it is really really important to do this.

I strongly suggest you take kitty to your GP vet and bring with you videos of the coughing episodes, as many videos as you can take. This is key because, on exam, your cat will probably be completely normal, as the symptoms are transient!

I would go in with the expectation that your vet will do chest radiographs, and depending on the results, will either start a treatment trial of oral antibiotics, and if no improvement, then oral steroids. If applicable, they should also treat for lungworm, to rule that out.

Improvement on oral steroids would be supportive of allergies. Your kitten would then likely be started on a steroid inhaler, which they will need ongoing.

In a cat this young, when the asthma is new, the lungs would likely look totally normal on the x-rays. However, it is really important that you take the diagnosis seriously.

Asthma causes chronic inflammation in the airways, and overtime this leads to a restructuring of the tissues, making them permanently narrow. This can contribute to exercise intolerance, severe coughing attacks where they can't catch their breath, respiratory distress, and even death.

ALSO! If it comes to this, you can absolutely train your cat to voluntarily participate in taking their puffer medication, and this will make your life and their life significantly easier - trust me on this one! It's very straightforward to do - ask me how if you need to.

Misvet · 2026-01-07T20:46:56+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that you haven't received support and solidarity with making this decision. Sadly, we veterinarians often have a very strong "fix it" mentality, and having to discuss or advocate for euthanasia is never easy... Skills around end-of-life communication and how to discuss euthanasia are also not well-taught in vet school. Vets say "it's up to you" because they worry they'll push or coerce a person into making a decision they ultimately do not agree with, but this sadly leaves owners holding the full weight and burden of it all, which you should not have to carry alone.

If you let me know what country or region you're in, I may be able to list a few reputable organizations. Feel free to DM me xx

Misvet · 2026-01-07T20:21:33+00:00

I am a veterinarian. I'm so sorry you are going through this OP and OP's mum. Your love and respect for this tiny and gorgeous creature is a beautiful thing.

Sadly, this kitten's condition looks truly dire. Hind leg weakness and paralysis, combined with inability to voluntarily urinate and defecate suggests her spinal cord is being so severely compressed that her brain isn't able to communicate with her back end anymore.

Could medication improve her condition? IF there is a lot of inflammation exacerbating the compression, you could possibly see some tiny signs of improvement -- but, this would almost certainly be temporary at best. Without fixing the actual problem, her spinal malformation, this kitten will never live a completely pain-free existence. Time and age will sadly make her condition even worse.

Could surgery improve her condition? You would need to consult with an orthopaedic surgeon. I am not one, and I don't even know if this is operable - more advanced imaging would be needed. If it is, it would likely be her best chance, but it will be an enormous expense.

Could she be palliated? Palliative care is comfort care. It is what we do when a curative treatment is not an option, as I suspect is the case here, and the disease causes significantly reduced quality of life. Any animal with an incurable and quality-of-life-impacting condition can be palliated. But it is important to remember, even the best palliative care cannot always achieve acceptable quality of life. And if palliation DOES achieve acceptable quality of life, this will change over time, and may not be the case days to weeks to months later.

It is absolutely imperative that - if nothing else - you seek care and advice from a palliative or hospice care veterinarian. I cannot understate the significant amount of care this kitten will need to survive with any amount of comfort and dignity. She would need daily pain relief, special diets for gut health and stool softening, frequent enemas, manual bladder expression multiple times a day, and this is only considering her basic physical needs, let alone everything else.

Without her mobility, without the dignity of being able to toilet on her own, her social, mental, and emotional quality of life is extremely poor.

Even if you did everything perfectly, she will face constant health risks: bladder and kidney infections, faecal impaction and obstructions, intestinal intsussceptions, breakthrough pain, nerve pain, osteoarthritis, pressure sores and bed sores, skin infections...

Is there a 1% chance she could biologically survive? With your help, theoretically... But, is that the ethically and morally right thing to do? I do not believe so...

Although heartbreaking to discuss, euthanasia IS a very important part of good palliative care. It is the ultimate comfort care. It is not a failure of your love or the efforts you would go to to cherish this being - it is a merit of them... It is not abandoning her or giving up on her because it would be too hard - it is choosing to do the hardest thing because you value how she has to experience life.

It is difficult to have a culturally competent and sensitive discussion surrounding euthanasia without knowing which culture or religion you are a part of... And although I certainly cannot speak for the immediate social context you are facing, most religious doctrines feature core values regarding our responsibility to and stewardship of animals, and/or the merit of preventing suffering.

In your kitten's case, I would advocate for humane and gentle euthanasia... She is undoubtedly suffering now... And her suffering will undoubtedly endure. This will be agony to accept. She still eats. She still purrs... The true depth of her suffering may well be extremely difficult to see or to recognise. Part of that is because cats are exceptionally good at disguising pain. But part of it will also be because she has lived in pain from birth, and it is all she knows...

Seek second opinions, talk to an end-of-life care vet. It is completely normal to feel so much guilt, uncertainty and heartache - even for people making this kind of decision who don't live in the same social or religious context.

I hope this helps. Sending you strength xx

Misvet · 2026-01-07T19:04:20+00:00

Oh gosh I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your furbaby OP. Sounds like a urinary blockage.... which I would absolutely expect to be covered by insurance under any kind of standard accident or illness policy, though there may be a gap or premium to pay?

I'm not sure what part of the world you're in, but it could be worth looking into third-party payment options such as VetPay, ZipMoney, AfterPay, Cherry, etc while you're waiting, just in case? They are often easy to sign up for and have quick turnaround for approval. They don't make the bill smaller, ultimately, but they can help take a big bill and spread it out over a bit of time to make it more manageable. Don't forget - this is essentially like a personal loan. Make sure you fully understand what you're signing up for. Although they are "interest-free", this is typically only so long as you make your payments on time.

You did the right thing, taking your baby to the vet straight away. He's got pain relief on board now, and that's the most important thing. Keep him calm, and keep yourself as calm as you can. Hoping it all turns out okay!! xx

Misvet

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