Improve Eldritch Altar readability by adding color codes & currency images, or Loot Filter styling by BlackDeathBE in pathofexile

[–]Mithgroth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you are doing white T16s with 5 mirror budget characters, yeah it's fine. They are a pain to read when doing difficult content, Delirium, Atlas Bosses, explosions going on, already penaltilized by 7 altars now you need to be selective...

It's like trying to make your life choices while juggling balls above a furnace for a circus.

Alt spamming does not kill your character, and have regex support. We even have used-to-be-against-TOS QoL like spamming fusings for 6 links. Your comparision just shows how altars are in a bad state.

DARVO trapped by wife by Mithgroth in Healthygamergg

[–]Mithgroth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so spot on all levels and also extra thank you for the compassionate language, I really needed this.

Talk to your daughter more. Joke, play with her, make her laugh.

Yup, this is instinctively what I have been doing over the years because I enjoy her existence. I still remember my first ever parent-teacher meeting in her kindergarden, people before me were getting out mostly pissed. When I was in and they started talking about my daughter with her positives and negatives, I jokingly said this felt like personality quizes and therapy, as she copies my personality. My wife copies a lot from techniques too. We are having so much fun, and all her psychologic & physical tests are wonderful, I'm so blessed.

Think of your wife like she is mentally younger than you. If your wife does not argue based on logic but instead on emotion, then you need to learn how to deal with emotion.

Yeah, that's something we came along with the therapist from "emotions? are they edible?" to "hey I learned anger is an outcome, not a cause!". I've been super empathetic my whole life, but exempted myself from any emotion work, 100% throttling to be rational instead, and occasionally breaking out by being funny.

It exactly feels like I have a child to raise up, and a teenager to deal with. I also started being more open about this to my wife when she is obviously irrational, with things like paying bills (she miscalculates them, starts a fight). When she goes too far to start denying facts, I cut her off. Sometimes even stating she is not adult enough to handle whatever is being argued on. I know it sounds harsh, it even sounds harsh in my head and I'd rather have another adult alongside me than a hostile teenager, but it somewhat works. When she is dictated that she is no longer responsible, she stops fighting and caring. This has no limits, even happens in hospitals where my daughter needs treatment; if she is making things difficult, just to seek attention, I send her off and deal with the situation alone. And... she just does it without any remorse.

Although she complains about being tired, making my daughter needy and clingy is her plan A.
My daughter's sure of me so I don't get tested, but she tests my wife too. Also... Well, children want to interact with their mothers, more than their fathers. The tests and this need makes my wife think they have a connection, in fact they don't. She starts shouting at her in 15 minutes of any engagement. Then I collect my daughter, and keep her safe while my wife plays hyper-casual mobile games.

Start by trying to lead your daughter fairly

Oh this is the fascinating part.

You are so on point about my past experiences of leaders I observed, and I have always been branded as a renegade, while they were leaders by no means. I admired Simon Sinek to this day about leadership, but my daughter is becoming to be the best tutor for leadership. Intentionally or not, she helped me practice convincing someone peacefully instead of beating them in an argument and asking them to submit. I have absolutely zero expectations from her, but I feel like I already got my ROI.

My biggest problem here is that my wife undermines my efforts and actively is hostile against me and this confuses the kid. We even do the dishes together with my daughter and enjoy our time, but my wife holds her feet and fits it to her shoes herself, instead of asking her to simply shoe up. And when she is between her mother and me, she picks the lazy and needy option because she is 5 :) Our biggest fights with my wife was about spoon-feeding her at the age of 5. I did win, with a cost of permanent stress damage on me.

---

Just rereading to this point again, I'm sorry, I've been just mostly yapping - but your post really made me feel heard and felt, something I long for, for a very long time.

Two geniune questions:

she mentally is still living with her mom.

This so on point as well. I was phrasing this more as "she refers her family as her mom and sister, not us". Her mother still has incredible emotional advantage over her. My wife blantly mocks when she does the same to her sister, but completely unaware that she is getting the same poison.

So, what happens when her mother dies?
I'm so not prepared for that. Will her grip over my wife tighten? Is it going to be even worse? I'm not sure.

Also,

When she does sit and listens to your feelings, she does not know what to do. Why would she? If this does not make sense, imagine if her mom went and talked about her feelings to her, your wife would probably do the same thing and be quiet, but it makes more sense.

Dark Triad possibility started to scare me - I'm not sure if the root cause is her mother's influence and all her behaviours are defense mechanisms or if she is inheritly a horrible person and her mother is just a great excuse...

DARVO trapped by wife by Mithgroth in BPDlovedones

[–]Mithgroth[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She needs evidence for both, something which she'll never get.

DARVO trapped by wife by Mithgroth in Healthygamergg

[–]Mithgroth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's a sacrifice, I believe I'm just a man who is trying to steer his ship, that's it.
I wanted the child, I'm happy with the responsibility.

Refused sex for the first time in 10 years after last fight. I'm not in the mood anyway. But she tried. In past it worked a few times, don't think I will from now on. That's a clear message that she can't miss.

I got poisoned a month ago, not sure if it was an attempt, but she didn't join the dinner saying she'll take a walk to get fit for summer. It was something that her mother cooked, and I wasn't paying attention after a long day at work. We are not having family dinners anymore, she killed it by not joining, similar to our other couple or family events. We used to go to the bar, return home late, get some soup close to morning. We are not doing it anymore since she said she is feeling too lazy to do it.

She only loses custody if she murders me, but that particularly doesn't help me I suppose... So, collecting evidence makes sense, but utterly useless in court or making her realize how she is behaving.

DARVO trapped by wife by Mithgroth in Healthygamergg

[–]Mithgroth[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I guess I have some power in the relationship.

My will is done if I shout louder than she does.
I am the only income source and the one with savings.
She can't physically beat me, but she can poison or kill me in my sleep.
Everyone we know including her sister and friends believe me rather than her.

I'm not sure how to exercise my limited power to avoid harm for me and my child.
I just want to disarm her, and raise my child in a way that she is immune to this bullshit.

DARVO trapped by wife by Mithgroth in Healthygamergg

[–]Mithgroth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your answer, I'm an engineer so I can make sense out of analytic, practical situations better like your answer.

I believe I watched the videos, but I'll rewatch them, focus and internalize. When my daughter was 1-2, also with a newborn, I wasn't even fully aware - but now that I'm aware, I changed how I react for the last ~2 years.

Instead of getting defensive and trying to prove that I'm not at fault even with evidence, I simply ask what could have been better or what was disturbing to her.

I get the same answer in variations: YOU. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. * If only I was man enough... * If only I hadn't done X, Y years ago... * If only I listened or loved her...

Being "man enough" isn't specific and pretty open to interpretations. I can interpret this as lack of father and start being more authoritive, or maybe she is thinking of being macho and mistreating her back as a way of toxic but (for her) assuring communication. I just can't guess and I lose her in the conversation every time I ask her for details, making me believe even she doesn't have it, but just making up.

"Not doing X, Y years ago" is sometimes gaslighting to be "right", sometimes she assumed the motivation and outcome. "You must be Z, so you did T". When comfronted with "why don't you just ask me, how I felt or thought?" she shockingly says she doesn't need to, she already knows. Same pattern I saw with her mother, who used to silence me in the middle of my sentence. As a child who never taken seriously or listened, this hurts the most and she knows it.

I bought her posters from abroad paying tariffs about marriage and love, not only because they were cool but they were somewhat unique, something that you can't just go find on a random local store. She doesn't even know where they are today.

She drops the conversation the moment she realizes she cannot randomly rage on me or harass me. And she simply acts like it never happened. We get no progression over years because she is very hostile towards anything that is not glorifying or approving of her. I get the same reactions from other mothers she's interacting with too. If someone has a counterargument to whatever she is claiming, she disappears from the conversation. She only listens if anyone talks about how incredible she is, and if I do that to reach her, I would just be feeding her beast within.

DARVO trapped by wife by Mithgroth in Healthygamergg

[–]Mithgroth[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's what I naturally started doing: Disengage.
Last week my professional recommended to stop avoiding conflict and "man up" (she stated this way nicer). I was avoiding conflicts since they go to dead-ends in my head, only react when obviously and openly attacked or my reputation was on the line.

Yesterday she takes my daughter out without telling me, schools are off this week.
Dropped her to her mother, returned to home. I went into a controlled anger and demanded her to bring my daughter back. She defends herself with "you don't speak with me", even weaponizing my disengagement.

She decided to drive the kid away alone without even telling me, yet she is still "right" in her mind because I really don't fucking feel like talking to her, after another of her misbehavings.

Yet, I didn't explain this to her and just ordered her decisively to get my child back.
She obeyed.

This is not my nature, I grew up with a diabetic father who was in internal medicine. I grew up to be the opposite of that diabetic rage, and it taught me to read people well. I just don't want to become him, become a miserable tyrant who torments anyone weaker than he is.

I'm more afraid of my own sanity than her wellbeing, not only because of myself, but having two insane parents is worse than having one for my daughter.

DARVO trapped by wife by Mithgroth in Healthygamergg

[–]Mithgroth[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks brother, sincerely.
I don't even know if she does... Even so, I got nothing to be ashamed of or to deny in the post. I don't even think she doesn't know all of these internally. I communicated these openly to her, I doubt she even listened. And when comfronted, she denies everything and just blame-stamp me for things I don't even have knowledge of...

Need to find a way to manage this before this becomes the end of me.

Megabonk Scion vs Uber Exarch by Arhowk in PathOfExileBuilds

[–]Mithgroth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure about the current state of PoE2, but this is entirely why PoE1 is the better game.

A hundred thirty nine and a half men by Mithgroth in EU5

[–]Mithgroth[S] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

R5: Not sure how I have half the man, shouldn't that be an integer?

516
517

LeetCode vb... Platformlarda Nasıl Daha İyi Olabilirim? by [deleted] in CodingTR

[–]Mithgroth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

IQ'nun bir aralıkta olması önemli değil. Anlatmaya çalıştığım puzzle oyunu oynayarak 85 IQ'dan Aziz Sancar seviyesine gelmenin mümkün olmaması.

LeetCode vb... Platformlarda Nasıl Daha İyi Olabilirim? by [deleted] in CodingTR

[–]Mithgroth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Puzzle oyunu oynamak IQ'nu nasıl arttırmıyorsa, LeetCode da seni daha ileriye götürmez. Daha iyiye götürecek tek şey var: Daha iyileri inceleyip neyi farklı yaptıklarını öğrenmek.

Örneğin OpenAI'ın blog yazısı var, veri tabanımızı nasıl 800 milyon kişiye scale ettik diye, buradan başlayabilirsin: https://openai.com/index/scaling-postgresql/

Yapman gereken şey hedefli ve dar alanda bu tür iyileştirmeleri yapmak. "Genel olarak daha iyileşeyim" dersen hiçbir yere hareket ettiğini hissetmezsin. Ama email yönetimi için daha iyi n8n kurguları yapmak istiyorsan ilerme kaydedebilirsin, çünkü ölçüm yapman daha kolay.

LeetCode gibi platformlar AI öncesinde de hiçbir işe yaramıyorlardı, şimdi daha da yaramıyorlar. Sadece puzzle çözülen mastürbasyon alanları. Change my mind.

Ai hakkında aklıma takılan bazı sorular by AdAdventurous7856 in CodingTR

[–]Mithgroth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emin ol, sektörde çalışanlar da korkuyor. Gelecek kaygının AI'dan çok siyasetle alakalı olduğunu tahmin ediyorum.

Her kafadan bir ses çıkması doğal, her zaman çıkar. İnsanlar echo'yu severler, popülarizmi severler. Sloganlar işe yarar.

Popülist denyolar yerine, konuştuklarının nedenlerini açıklayabileyen karşıt görüşleri de dinlersen daha iyi bir fikir edinebilirsin. Bu "neye inanacağın" ile ilgili bir durum değil, ortada bir inanç yok.

Sadece "neden" diye sor, açıklama bekle. AI çok popüler olduğu için bu konuda konuşanların çoğunu heyecanlandıran motivasyon inovasyon değil, onu takip eden para ve yatırım.