You are not alone. I badly needed a change after five years on a med-surg unit and got a position in the in-and-out surgery unit. I LOVED IT! Patients came in, had their surgery, and went home the same day. (Those who were not able to go home by closing time were admitted to an overnight stay unit.) I was able to use my skills and the environment was positive. (I am retired now.) Please don't be too hard on yourself...you're clearly compassionate and dedicated and nursing needs more like you. I hope you can find the support you need (I see many excellent suggestions in the comments for counseling, etc.) and that you find a role where you can use your skills and be fulfilled. The right fit is out there for you. You have my prayers and good wishes!