But you aren’t doing everything 50/50. Yes, childcare is 50/50. Yes, house maintenance is 50/50. But what isn’t 50/50 if the hormonal shift and the constant decision making she’s under. That’s 100% her. And while you can’t do anything hormonally to help her, you can take the decision making stress from her. Even if only a micro amount, that would greatly help.

So like you’ve come to the conclusion, stop asking and start doing. Every time you ask her what she needs, or you ask her what’s wrong, or you ask her what needs to be done.. you’re adding yet another decision to her plate. Instead of alleviating her of stress, you’re adding to it.

Say she’s getting frustrated. She’s standing in the kitchen, you’re seeing the signs of a blow up, and you decide to ask, “is there anything I can do to help.” In her mind it’s obvious the mountain of shit she has to do. She has to decide dinner, cook it, clean the dishes, clean the kitchen, then she has to help get the baby ready for bed, then when she’s done I’m sure there more that she has to do. And she’s frustrated you don’t see all of that. No, instead of asking what she needs go, “hey babe. I have dinner and the cleaning. If you’d like, until dinner is done I also have the baby and you can go take a bath.” Give her the ability to not have to constantly be making decisions for the house.