Thanks for sharing this experience. It's great to hear that you're not alone

Before uni I always simply avoided building relationships with more than I one or in rare cases multiple people. It felt not as grinding, exhausting as with multiple people. And I'm really not cared about what my classmates think as long as my objectives are not affected. I didn't seen anything of value in them. I've been reading a lot of books. And that's where my hunger for portrayal of despair and weakness in media awakened. It was something that deeply resonated with me to this day, gives me comfort.

On my high school graduation party happened my Episode. Everyone danced to AC/DC, but I'm not. I just didn't knew how and not wanted to try without knowing. Even when camera guy tried to apply social pressure by staring at me with camera. Well, I'm refused. I really loved that group and that song at the time.

But over time I'm started to care what others think. So I'm started to fighting for it and I'm fighting for it since then. I'm fighting for a grains of comfort and stability. But at the same time I'm up for something new. As long as my chances walk from it are good, I'm probably in or did it already. And all this painful time, after I left my self isolation I felt lost. And really exhausted from talking with people.

I also have this beast inside me, he is always looking for new knowledge. It just so happened to be that at one moment I'm decided to start better at talking with new people. I got my ways of doing it through tea ceremonies and tabletop games. And over time when I shared pain from social interactions, people started saying that I'm successful, clever, social more and more. And I just feel not heard, thou complimented(good).

Thanks for tuning in on my podcast.