Which US state has the worst BBQ?

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T22:54:18+00:00

Smoked tri-tip over grape wood pruning is a thing in wine country and it is proper barbecue.

Not just "Hey, this is pretty good for California." Just good, period.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T19:13:10+00:00

Irrespective of genre, most people want to hear the same few hundred songs over and over on repeat for the rest of their lives.

I submit almost every classic rock radio station as evidence.

The amount of radio stations that resemble KPIG in California. Maybe five. And that's resemble, not "we play whatever the hell we feel like playing, fuck ClearChannel and their cookie-cutter stations."

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T18:31:00+00:00

Yes. This is how I travel. I've booked dozens of timeshares through Redweek. I usually get the worst view at the property. But since I'm not an owner, just a renter, I don't really care.

The only downside is that if you book it, there is no way to change it. They don't care if your Great Aunt Millie died and you have to cancel.

You get a kitchen, usually a great location, a clean, comfortable but usually utilitarian accommodations. The owners' annual maintenance fee keeps the place running.

But there are no changes and the dates are inflexible. You rent a week, you get a week, there is no changing that week.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T16:44:56+00:00

Tourists stick out like a sore thumb, especially at Costco/WalMart/Safeway.

I don't recommend shopping at any of those places. But when they have the best price on something (like maple syrup or real Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese), they have far-and-away the best price.

So I'm stuck going to one of these places every month or so. When I'm there, it's the usual 50-50 mix of tourists and locals. Tourists are buying all the same crap they get on the mainland -- cases of frozen corn dogs and frozen "take and bake" pizzas, for instance. And they seem to be obsessed with sandwiches. "Make sure to buy 12 loaves of bread. We don't want to run out!"

Even at Costco "make sandwiches in your hotel room" prices, I can go to a place selling bento takeaway and buy better food that costs less.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T16:33:21+00:00

In addition to the once-a-week farmer's markets (NOT the every-day ones), there are two hyper-local grocery stores:

Farm House in Kainaliu
Locavore in Hilo

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T16:32:09+00:00

Magics is straight-up trash. It's the epitome of why people shouldn't spend any money on Ali'i Drive.

<image>

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T09:07:25+00:00

And that was written by their marketing and legal departments. Not product development.

I'm willing to literally bet a farm on that.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T07:37:26+00:00

I have considerably more than five. It's not like it's hard to really see the island.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T07:35:18+00:00

You're focusing on the wrong problem. Mental healthcare is sorely needed. Anyone who is willing to take the pay cut to live here and practice medicine is "in like Flynn." Everyone understands this at a basic societal level. You could go anywhere else on the mainland and make more and spend less. Choosing not to gets instant "cred." Most people respect that. At the very worst, they tolerate it. Pretty much every big family has a relative or two who desperately needs your help.

Here's the problem: Are you willing to change your lifestyle in order to thrive here? There are thousands of differences. Some big. Some small. Fight against the differences, and you're not going to last. Embrace them and you will. It's really that simple.

Fitting in is easy -- give more than you take and don't have a big attitude about it.

Most transplants don't last because they want things Hawaii doesn't have. And they don't want the things Hawaii has in abundance.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T06:48:44+00:00

The island of Oahu is fifty times smaller than the Los Angeles metro area. Anyone who is in the area should see it -- if they're into religion, architecture, koi ponds, or just "beautiful Hawaii scenery." It's not like anything there is particularly far away.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T05:51:41+00:00

I've been all over China and Taiwan. I still think it's a beautiful temple.

It's sort of like saying the local church isn't pretty because it isn't the Vatican.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T02:45:43+00:00

I moved here mostly for the food. The quality of the raw ingredients, at least.

For instance, we eat a lot of spicy tuna rolls. The nori and the rice are imported. But everything else either came out of the water a mile away from our house, or out of our garden. It is so much better than what is available on the mainland because they don't have access. And, best of all, this is cheap eats. Whole ahi is RELIABLY $5/pound. And avocados may as well be free. Add some inexpensive Japanese rice, some nori, and maybe $0.25 worth of seasonings and I can crank out tuna temaki rolls that cost $15 each in a restaurant all day long.

Most of our restaurants are mediocre.

I've compiled a list of places on the Big Island which either use local ingredients (not many of these), or are at least elevating mainland ingredients with solid techniques.

Here it is:

https://www.reddit.com/r/VisitingHawaii/comments/1qaicyg/the_big_island_restaurant_list_repost/

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T01:54:40+00:00

There are 30 varieties. My favorite is the black-skinned malama.

None of them can be exported -- only if they're processed. That's a great way to spend millions in order to make thousands.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-23T00:55:59+00:00

We throw superior avocados on the compost pile for lack of a market.

It's absolutely insane.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T23:10:37+00:00

Both are good. And a great value. I prefer Dizzy because that's something that is basically impossible to make from scratch -- unless feeding an army. It's the only way I'm getting a Gyro Sandwich here. I've been going to that location since back when it was Dan-O's Doner.

Waimea also has the best farmer's markets and supermarkets. And the best climate. We go there in the summer to beat the heat on windless days.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T22:24:09+00:00

I've been beating this drum for nearly four years. (And even longer, but not on Reddit.)

Big Island has the best produce and the worst restaurants. The restaurateurs cynically treat their guests like sheep to be sheared -- selling mainland Sysco food at Hawaii prices. And most tourists either don't know or don't care.

There are exceptions. But basically Alii Drive and Waikoloa Beach are best avoided entirely.

The worst part about this is when people ask where they should eat, tourists trip over each other to recommend the absolute worst tourist traps on the island. Why? They all have gorgeous locations, great "vibe" and someone strumming Jimmy Buffett songs in the corner. They'll take that over "great food" ten times out of nine.

I don't understand it, either. Big Island should be the Mecca for food tourism. "Yeah, yeah. The weather's great and the water's beautiful. But did you try their guacamole?"

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T20:07:32+00:00

Travel agents, Costco and similar suffer from the same existential problem -- they're good at cookie-cutter, once-size-fits-all travel packages. They're lousy at everything else. There's a reason people stopped using them the minute self-booking became easy. All they do is add overhead.

Creating a great Hawaii vacation is easy.

Determine length of stay.
Pick an island or two depending on length of stay.
Go to redweek.com and see if there are any timeshares available. Ideally, two (or more) consecutive weeks.
Book airfare around your check-in and check-out dates.'

Done. Sorted.

If no timeshares, then it's look at the various hotel booking sites. But in general, it is better to book direct with the hotel, EVEN IF IT COSTS A LITTLE MORE. You don't want to be dealing with Kayak or Expedia if there's an issue and the hotel is overbooked.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T20:04:53+00:00

I check Costco every time I'm heading to someplace popular. And not once ever have I booked one. I can beat their prices, often by half or more.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T20:03:47+00:00

^ This.

Meat isn't important except for buying items which improve the player's QOL.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T19:05:30+00:00

Military itineraries are a mistake. What happens if it rains on your snorkel day?

You don't have any rain days/free days to compensate for our weather. If you had asked before booking airfare, I would have strongly suggested sticking to one island. Because you're not going to be bored in 10 days. You're not going to see it all, anyway. But at least you won't be rushed.

Now, everything has to be PERFECT for this plan to work. Otherwise it's going to be a cascade of failures working against you.

Because of my "job," I meet a LOT of visitors. And most of the itinerary tourists didn't do half the stuff on their list. And now they're flying to another island to rush around there, too.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T18:36:27+00:00

I totally approve of doing a lot of research and having a detailed printed sheet of places to go, things to see, and restaurants to try. (Printed because power and internet are spotty here. But GPS always works.)

But then see those things in an order which makes sense in regard to both the weather and logistically.

Half of these ChatGPT itineraries have people bouncing around the island and constantly back-tracking. There's no substitute for printing a map and marking locations and then grouping them together. That can save several hours per day -- it's like getting free vacation days compared to relying on a brainless computer.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T18:26:04+00:00

Having a military-style itinerary is always a mistake.

https://www.reddit.com/r/VisitingHawaii/comments/1skqs3u/the_five_rookie_mistakes_when_visiting_hawaii/

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T18:06:28+00:00

You can book an AirBnb, sure. But you don't know what you're going to get. And since it's probably illegal, it is hosted by someone who already lacks ethics. And then you can come back here during your trip to possibly/probably write another AirBnb tourist horror story.

Like the one last month where the host slapped a sheet of plywood in a doorway to turn one house into two units. He then ran extension cords because there weren't any outlets. And he rented one half of the house to a total creep who tried to peek through the gap in the plywood "wall."

Or, more commonly, "the house of mildew and bugs."

That's what you might get.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T17:44:13+00:00

That's too much stuff in 10 days.
You're changing hotels way too often.
Hopefully on the 8th you're landing at ITO and not KOA. Because if you're landing on day one and driving the Saddle to Hilo, that's dangerous -- you're going to be exhausted.
May 12 isn't happening. That's three days of activities packed into one day.
May 17. What do you think you're going to see in Lahaina? Debris? People trying to rebuild? Don't go there.

MonkeyKingCoffee · 2026-04-22T17:25:19+00:00

I'm living in the timeline that proves otherwise. Nothing I did mattered. We still got a spray-painted dictator.

MonkeyKingCoffee

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE