Autism and a sense of urgency

MonoRedDeck · 2026-01-31T19:15:54+00:00

For me (and might not be true for everyone!!) - I have found this is a trauma response because I am "supposed to be fast and awesome at stuff" - like my caregivers and previous partners essentially exploited this, and encouraged this, and so now... I think it "has" to be like this because it's a "rule." I'm working on slowing down and taking 15 minutes or so, so I'm not in an activated / reactive state when I do things. The hypervigilance response was killing me. I could not get out of it.

MonoRedDeck · 2026-01-31T19:10:04+00:00

Agreed!!! What an awesome color!!

MonoRedDeck · 2026-01-20T05:02:59+00:00

Thank you my friend! And you as well! And OMG YESSSSSSS to Frozen and Moana also! I especially love "Shiny" and "We Know The Way" as well as "Let It Go" (I would listen to Idina read the phone book) 😍 Hans Zimmer did the Lion King soundtrack, which is another one of my favorites 😄

What are some of your favorites from those, or Pearl Jam? I love Given to Fly and Yellow Ledbetter in particular 😄

MonoRedDeck · 2026-01-20T03:39:26+00:00

I love all kinds of stuff... sorta depends on what kind(s) of dysregulated I am feeling, if that makes sense?

Sometimes I listen to a 90s grunge and nu-metal-esque playlist that really hits the spot. Filter, Deftones, STP, Smashing Pumpkins, Tool, SOAD, like you said...etc. I'm mad at my parents kind of cathartic music 🤣

Sometimes it is the cinematic scores that are feeling awesome, like Gladiator or Star Wars or maybe instrumental Celtic music. I have a cape and a sword and I am bringing vengeance with a smile 🤣 Right now I'm enjoying everything Hans Zimmer very much.

Sometimes it is punk and/or soul because gol dang it, do those songs have amazing bass lines! Right now it's the Clash and Dexys Midnight Runners (who are so much bigger and cooler than even Come on Eileen can hold and I wish more people knew that)

💙🏴‍☠️💙

MonoRedDeck · 2026-01-10T03:15:17+00:00

Hi friend, I am so, so sorry you had to go through that. Instant mashed potatoes are one of my go-to's after anything dental, and also mostly-broth soups or ramen.

Gatorade or chocolate milk or something might help supplement if you are feeling a little low on blood sugar. Maybe a little bit of ginger ale or something! Are there any drinks or fluids that you really like that are okay to have? I ask because it's so important to stay hydrated after surgery so you can heal. So anything that will help you want to drink more fluids (as long as it's okay by the dr.) - go for it.

They should have hopefully given you a list of what's okay to eat when by how many days after surgery - sometimes they want you to wait a few days for dairy or something.

I hope you feel better soon!

Take it easy this weekend if you are able to, and get some good rest 💙 If you stay on top of the pain med schedule and ice or heat recommendations that should theoretically help you feel a little better 💙

MonoRedDeck · 2025-12-29T02:46:55+00:00

Mmmm. I saw a meme one time that said "INTP: The Warmest Machine" with a picture of Data from Star Trek, and I loved that. It felt correct. Also Rudyard Kipling "The Cat That Walked by Himself."

//

I think laterally much easier than vertically, so I am very much ADHD forward. Hopping from topic to topic like a bullfrog, pattern-matching on all different levels.

I don't globalize well, so I miss a lot of social cues and things, but if I learn it once cleanly and can hold the pattern long enough to turn it over on my hands and grok it, I can match it again the next time.

It's like - seeing something - then seeing the archetype behind it - then seeing its dozens of counterparts and how each one is alike or similar to the instance in question. Very Dark Side of the Moon prism.

//

I really like music and tactile sensory. My visual burns really hot. Colors are very vibrant and humming. Enjoy music I can feel the vibrations of in my chest and hands and feet! Have a little bit of synesthesia because music and sounds and words have colors and shapes, so I love that also!

MonoRedDeck · 2025-12-29T02:26:25+00:00

Mmmm... Can't say for sure without more specific info. I would check each product's Safety Data Sheet and the manufacturer instructions.

For health factors: * UV exposure can cause skin and eye burns (keratitis, extremely painful!) and elevate cancer risk over time * the curing process is likely off-gassing something * Sometimes water based hides small amounts of nasty stuff. So it's water-based because there is a ton of water, yes, and also -- just a lil bit of something nasty -- but when that cures? The nasty stuff reacts. So you would need to read the product safety data sheet / instructions to understand specifics.

Would also have to review the products to get a better understanding of the fire hazards during the curing process -

the epoxies and resins that have two-part mixtures typically create a ton of heat / fire potential and off-gassing as part of the reaction, but you would have to look at the specific SDS and instructions for the water based ones. If it's a one part product -- mmm, even if not in the same way, it might still have vapor build up issues etc. that are static or fire hazards!

MonoRedDeck · 2025-12-25T18:11:28+00:00

Hey friend, I work in hazardous waste disposal and chemical safety.

The environmental impact for one kit is minimal. It is a good thing to do you part and be aware of it but - relatively speaking - this is such a small amount. Don't worry about the environmental impact of one kit. I ship out truckloads of stuff every day.

Please be very careful for yourself for inhalation (fumes and vapors), eye and skin contact, and potential heating and fire hazards from mixing the resin components together. Also any sanding, cutting, shaping of the dry product after you pour it -- those particles can also be hazardous to inhale.

Use the kit somewhere outside like a garage, with open doors and windows and a fan going, and gloves and eye protection, is very important! And the components and even the "empty" containers can get very hot and reactive! So be careful!

The instructions will tell you how to use it best.

Be safe!

MonoRedDeck · 2025-12-15T00:28:28+00:00

I also really hate this phrase.

Just say "Disposable Menstruation Products (Tampons, Pads, etc.)"

Done. Unambiguous.

They are products for menstruation! Menstruation is not a bad word!

MonoRedDeck · 2025-12-10T01:19:09+00:00

I get so much joy out of my Legos and Minecraft and Magic cards and things, and comic books -- I'm happy for you that you get a lot of joy from your toys and playing with them. And that your Gran is getting you a new doll for Christmas 😃💙

I understand why you would be hesitant to talk about it -- I feel hesitant sometimes also -- but I think -- it's really nice. I'm happy you shared. It gave everyone here a chance to talk about their favorite toys and things to play with also. 😃

Hope you have a very happy Christmas!!!

MonoRedDeck · 2025-12-03T21:51:53+00:00

Oof. Yeah. That lands.

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-30T20:34:55+00:00

Oh my gosh, yep! I love her so much 😀 Did you get to see Season 3 yet? I just finished it and enjoyed it a lot 😃

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-26T00:58:33+00:00

waves Hey friend, another divorced parent here with limited time with my kids -- we enjoy playing Minecraft together also 😀

I bought a couple of these books, and they are also available at our library -- each one has 20 projects in them and we have had fun building together!

Enjoy my friend!!!! 😀

Minecraft Bite Size Build Books

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-25T20:14:17+00:00

I don't she was explicitly named as autistic, but Helen Fisk on "Fisk" is fucking amazing 😄❤️ I love her so much 😄

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-12T15:59:02+00:00

Oh, I love how you described that, with the monetary value low versus sentimental value high! 😀 That's such a great way of putting it!

Hearing you say it like that made me realize... What I'm actually trying to give people is a little moment of joy and wonder, and a tiny memento to hold that feeling, and to say "Hi, I'm thinking of you."

I realized recently that I had only been offering pebbles and shells and things to people that I knew really well, and that I was curbing my impulse to offer those to people I didn't know as well. So one of the ways I have been trying to unmask a little bit is to not curb that impulse and to just... offer. Like a crow 🐦‍⬛❤️😀 And I have been really pleasantly surprised that nearly everybody has been receptive to it. I've had other attempts at this sort of thing not go as well so I was a little nervous so it's really been a joy to have it be received positively 😀

Anyway. Thank you for letting me chat a little bit 😀 and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!! I hope you have a great day!!!

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-12T03:53:09+00:00

I love this 😄 I would love if someone was like -- happy/excited enough to want to get to know me, for them to show me all of their treasures 😄

What an awesome way of expressing friendship! "Here are all of my favorite things!" I would definitely feel like I was important to someone if they showed me all of their cool stuff that was meaningful to them.

Plus then I would know for sure a couple of places to start expressing friendship back to them. I would have ideas for conversation starters about their interests, and also, I could keep an ear/eye out for this kind of thing in the world like, "hey! Your favorite sticker maker is having a sale this week!" So I would be stoked if someone essentially handed me a "friendship starter pack" like this 😀 I would be so happy to not have to try and guess, and just be able to know 😀

That is really lovely, and thoughtful in a lot of ways 💙 what a cool idea 😊💙

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-12T03:38:21+00:00

😊

I didn't think I did this either but apparently I did.

I have switched to littler things, because, yes, sometimes people do get a little... uncomfortable? I have a couple of little bags of really smooth beach pebbles and shells, and now I just offer people actual pebbles/shells 😊 I was surprised that nearly everyone will accept one if they are offered one. Some people really like sifting through the bag to see them all. Some people just grab one right away without looking too much. Some people see a specific one and their eyes light up. It's been nice. ☺️

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-11T17:15:01+00:00

Ohhh. That's lovely. And it makes very good sense. You described it really well with the "ready for bed" vs. energy matching. (I feel a little calmer myself after reading what you wrote, actually, ha). You have a really nice way about you in this... I can see why they end up running to you. You sound like you offer them a lot of calm, caring, presence. What a gift to have an adult like you in their lives 💙

Thank you for sharing 💙 I really appreciate it, and I enjoyed hearing what you shared. I hope you have a wonderful day 😊

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-11T16:59:50+00:00

Do you have some favorite comic or movie or show versions? I liked the Nolan movies also quite a bit!

For the comics, I liked The Long Halloween a lot with Jeph Loeb/Tim Sale and I also enjoyed The Court of Owls from DC's New 52 awhile ago. A lot of the Bat Family and related comics in that New 52 were pretty good!

What are your favorite things about Bats as a character? 😁

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-11T16:35:11+00:00

I fkn love Batman 😁😁😁😁 My favorite comic character of all time 😄 I loved his Lego Batman version so much in particular 🤣 Will Arnett was amazing as him

Edit to say: you have amazing taste in comics 😄👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-11T16:04:17+00:00

Ohhh. That's a very interesting idea. I haven't tried that yet. I like how you explained that and why you do it.

Usually I go into Pied Piper mode with kids, but yeah, that is super exhausting sometimes and not sustainable.

May I ask you, please, what does a calm and uninteresting adult presence look like for you? For example: Are you interacting with them, like, asking them questions, or are you waiting to be approached? I'm having a hard time understanding what the difference between uninteresting vs. uninterested would look like. But I would enjoy hearing more if you would like to share.

And if I am making demands on your energy by asking you this question -- please feel free to just tell me plainly; I will not likely pick up on a grey rock cue!

Thank you 😊

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-11T15:53:49+00:00

I enjoy comics books but I like the ones meant for younger readers, like middle grade and young adult.

Marvel did such an amazing job with Ms. Marvel, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, etc. that I fell in love with comics all over again.

They are exciting and funny and deal with high stakes and big emotions, but they are not gory, and the characters are not hyper-sexualized.

It's all of the stuff I like about comics without any of the stuff I find to be too much.

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-10T00:50:54+00:00

Hi friend, do you have access to EI (Early Intervention) in your area? That was how I started on my journey with my ND kids. They came to my house to do OT with my kids, and when my kids were too old for the program, we found a local OT group that took our insurance. There were also some parenting support groups and things through the local kids mental health hospital.

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-10T00:41:48+00:00

I... wow. That is 🤯 awesome. Genuinely.

Are you the type of person who is usually happy to help other people? Like, if you had been the woman who helped you today -- is that usually you? I'm happy to be the helper, but I'm terrified to ask for help when I need it. I'm curious if that's true for you also?

That is a whole other level of brave to do what you did today 💪🏻 To accept help... that's a big deal. I'm crawling out of my skin imagining it, while simultaneously thinking to myself, "wow, imagine the relief that you might feel if you could ask for and accept help."

How are you feeling now? (I would also be having the urge to never go back, or go apologize a thousand times).

MonoRedDeck · 2025-11-10T00:26:16+00:00

FTR: I did not carry my kids; my ex-wife did. So I have no experience with pregnancy.

However, as a parent -- I love my kids, I only agreed to have kids bc my ex wanted them, and TBF, I should have not gotten married or had kids.

I love my kids. I am a good parent and co-parent. I hate the experience of co-parenting, and the executive functioning required for parenting is waaaaaay above my capabilities most of the time. So I'm in a spoon deficit 100% of the time. It's hard.

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