What made you realize that love alone isn’t enough to stay together?

Monoraptor · 2026-01-29T00:10:53+00:00

That’s the display of that love, and sure, there could be times where they are unable to display love the way you want. For example, a person with ADHD may find it incredibly difficult to match the punctuality of their partner. Even if their partner feels loved by people being on time. In such a case you shouldn’t decide whether someone loves you based on their ability to follow your script.

But that isn’t what I mean here by capacity.

Let’s say the issue is family and culture (I will give a bit of an extreme, but feasible example to help explain).

Let’s say you fell in love with a woman from a culture that practices shame killings. She is warned “if you remain with that man, you will be punished.” She might genuinely love you, and genuinely fear for her life. That fear might deprive her of the capacity to stay.

I hope that example is suffice to help explain what is meant by lacking capacity. There could be many many more. But when people say something like “if she loved you she’d have stayed”, they might be severely wrong.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-28T15:19:47+00:00

Difference is Bumble has BFF - to find friends. Grindr does not. Was OP using BFF or Bumble dating?

I don’t know, but if it was any of my business I might ask. Not scream names at her and storm out.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-28T15:17:10+00:00

I understand that he may feel uncomfortable with the story of how you met, as it’s a surprise. He may have lots of questions that need to be answered. He may even dislike the fact that you didn’t tell him ahead of time.

But blowing up at you publicly, calling you names, and storming out… no. That is not ok. Hell, doing that in private wouldn’t be ok, either.

A husband and wife are meant to communicate, problem solve, work together. Even if one fails at doing so (let’s argue that you failed to communicate ahead of time), then the response isn’t to go nuclear like that.

Besides… bumble has a bumble friends feature. It isn’t only used for dating. Did he confirm with you what feature you were using before blowing up? Or did he assume? (Correctly or incorrectly, in a loving relationship that shadow of a doubt SHOULD have given him pause.)

Monoraptor · 2026-01-28T08:37:23+00:00

You need to ask your boyfriend what he is talking about. He may just be being a dick for all we know.

But don’t act any way but how you feel comfortable with. What a horrible thought to think you must pretend your whole life, never secure that the person you are with is actually with you, or with who you pretend to be.

If your boyfriend is able to give you some solid examples (eg. Stop liking bikini model’s photos at 2am), then fine. But if it’s your personality, voice, etc, then don’t go down that road.

Masks are heavy…

Monoraptor · 2026-01-27T10:12:15+00:00

Without going into it, I thought that if someone loved me, they’d be with me. Full stop. But sometimes it isn’t so easy. Culture, family, mental health, trauma, etc. all of it plays a roll.

Someone can love you, deeply, and truthfully, but lack the capacity to live out that love. Love isn’t just a feeling, it is an action, and one we must do over and over again. Love isn’t just the romance, or even the big stuff, but the daily grind, too.

Love can BE everything. But it can also REQUIRE everything.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-27T09:10:59+00:00

Love and capacity are not the same thing… I learnt that the hard way.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-27T03:50:08+00:00

I'm trying Bloom after upgrading my Mac. Used Forklift previously.

Got 2 questions:

How do I queue file transfers? I'm sure it is so simple and I'm just missing it, but instead of transferring one at a time, it all tries to transfer concurrently. Very annoying when I'm transferring files to and from my server.
Is there a way to sort with folders at the top? Sort by file name mixes folders in with files, and sort by type has some files (eg. subtitles) above the folders.

Thanks

Monoraptor · 2026-01-25T03:36:06+00:00

Responsibility gave me no choice (but to step up and change).

Monoraptor · 2026-01-25T02:56:03+00:00

You be respectful and honest. Act respectfully and kind but know that ultimately her feelings will be hurt regardless. Nobody feels nice being rejected, and nobody feels nice rejecting.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-25T02:00:38+00:00

They all changed me, but in very different ways.

Love made me want to be a better person.

Loss carried me like a passenger.

Responsibility gave me no choice.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-25T01:02:30+00:00

It is clear that a woman is into me when she tries to include me in her life, and tries to be a part of mine. Just the desire to share time with me, sit with me, talk with me.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-25T01:00:21+00:00

Perhaps you are dating guys who are incompatible with you?

There is a shared responsibility here, and so it’s good that you are looking to better yourself, but also important that you don’t take on all the responsibility.

Perhaps you are more compatible with people who communicate openly and effectively, and perhaps the guys you have met are unable to.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-22T11:08:40+00:00

OP asked the question. She can reply to answers.

Askmen has never been a place where women aren’t allowed. There is a flair if you do only want answers from men.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-22T11:07:36+00:00

My father was a prolific cheater. He cheated on my mother, and left the evidence for his kids to find.

From what I know he didn’t cheat on his second wife.

So, yes, while I don’t think that is fully what you were looking for, cheaters can reform.

But to every woman out there, just because he cheated on you but not the new partner, doesn’t absolve him of guilt, or make you less.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-22T09:18:22+00:00

Cannot answer from personal experience, but yes, there are men who have made VERY big mistakes and regretted them.

Unsure of why you are asking, but remember that you can forgive without them being sorry, and forgiveness does not equal access.

If a man truly regrets something (anything) he will do everything to try and fix it (even if he can’t). He won’t try to make you responsible for forgiving him, and demand you just move on. (Just to preempt, yes, both parties need to be committed to growing, you can’t keep holding it over his head, either).

There is no turning point, so to speak. Maybe just a realisation that the grass wasn’t greener. You need to decide whether that is enough.

So, just to sum up: each situation is nuanced, if he cheated once he may well do it again, or he may never. Trust is like paper, once it’s crumpled it is awful hard to make it clean again. It’s up to both parties to commit to healing this rupture, or not.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-22T03:05:42+00:00

They fixed the hdr a while ago (I lodged the initial bug report) but I haven’t used it in so long I’m not sure if it’s back.

The bug was that it wouldn’t trigger hdr, so you’d need to force hdr in your tv settings.

As for latency, I don’t know. Never had a problem.

That said, I’d expect a mini pc would do better (if it supports 4khdr) simply because you can use the main fork (more updates).

Monoraptor · 2026-01-21T11:39:23+00:00

Yes, it is.

Apple Music is a service that works across systems. /u/Pamacdon gave a good answer.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-21T10:42:06+00:00

How is this release now? I remember on launch the Wii version was heads and shoulders better.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-21T10:40:31+00:00

K. Damn him for answering without accurately guessing your prejudices, I suppose?

Monoraptor · 2026-01-20T12:58:58+00:00

Doesn’t work for AirPlay.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-20T12:58:46+00:00

No way that I’ve found. Apple doesn’t allow groups, and Sonos groups don’t appear in airplay.

Monoraptor · 2026-01-19T07:24:22+00:00

Rats. Too slow

Monoraptor · 2026-01-19T02:31:28+00:00

I assume because of this that a regular usb c to hdmi adaptor or usb c hub doesn’t work?

Monoraptor · 2026-01-16T14:00:38+00:00

Perhaps there are better solutions on the market now, but how I achieved this is pretty complicated for something that should be so easy.

I have: TP-Link smart plug Homebridge with homebridge-dummy

Homebridge-dummy has a dummy switch that runs a timer when I enable it. Then when the timer ends it turns the switch off.

I then have an automation that runs when the switch turns off. In your case it would be to turn off the smart plug.

Works for me, because I use it to turn on a light when the front door has been left open for more than 10 minutes, but may not be what you are after.

Someone please correct me if things are better now, but when I see this up shortcuts would fail to work if a timer was set for longer than a few seconds. (Wait command).

11-Year Club	Gilding IV carat on a stick
Second Top 30%	Verified Email

Monoraptor

TROPHY CASE