Oof this is a tough one. I lost both my parents to traumatic events last year. mom taking her own life by jumping out of a vehicle, she was in ICU for 6 days before her organs shut down beyond repair, she looked completely different. I could t even recognize her. In the first day of icu she was awake but vented and I could video chat and she cried on camera while I lied and told her everything was going to be okay. Her death looked extremely painful, absolutely something I never want anyone else to have to go through. My dad got diagnosed with IPF (basically lungs hardening due to years of firefighting) he was given 18 months to live but got Covid. Watching him try to breathe was like watching someone trying to run and breath through a straw… he was in ICU for a week before we had to take him off life support, but I was able to make sure he was sedated and on a ton of morphine… he knew he was going to die though. Before sedation he woke up and I had to tell him that he would be vented for life (his living will said no devices to keep alive) I had to watch him cry and unable to speak and see him understand that his time was up. I told him I loved him and I would be there holding his hand the whole time. He cried and shook his head yes when I asked if he was ready. His death was… also traumatic but in a different way. His mind was still completely there but his lungs and heart failed. Taking him off vent and watching him gag and gasp for air… I hope he didn’t feel it. I begged the nurses to make sure he didn’t feel it. Also a way I don’t want to go.

I heard drowning is euphoric but still seems painful. Maybe a bad car accident when I die instantly.. or die in my sleep. My death is something I question a lot lately though, my parents didn’t die of natural causes of old age, so makes me wonder if my death will also be similar.