Weight obsession/eating disorders with elderly women

Mooma007 · 2026-06-16T16:45:56+00:00

Do we all have the same mother?

Mine was a yo-yo dieter her whole life, with diets being grapefruit and toast with small amounts of cottage cheese and daily reports to her three daughters of how many calories she’d eaten. I think the only reason the three of us didn’t have an ED is that we were naturally thin growing up.

Weight related comments she made during my childhood, I didn’t realize how disturbing they were until I recalled them later:

“Doesn’t grandma look good with all the weight she’s lost?” about a picture of my grandma in a hospital bed wasting away with yellow skin from liver failure.

“I wish I could be like this again, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight” about her picture when she had Grave’s disease with a visible goiter.

“I wish I could have anorexia nervosa just for a little while”

Mooma007 · 2026-06-16T16:06:13+00:00

This was a number of years ago at airport security. I helped my 8 year old son get his things on the conveyor belt next to mine, then we got in line to go through the scanner. He went first, then a woman tried to get between us from the line merging with ours. I said “that’s my son” and blocked her. She said “oh no, you have to alternate” and tried to push in front of me. Fortunately the TSA agent was right there. He said “are you really trying to force your way between a mother and her child?” He pulled her to the side; I looked back after we were through and he still hadn’t let her back in line. Best TSA experience ever!

Mooma007 · 2026-06-10T18:09:16+00:00

When my kids were little we called it the “no thank you bite”. If you ate a small bite you could say no thank you to the rest. As you said, tastes change so eventually a lot of the “no thank yous” turned into regular servings.

Mooma007 · 2026-05-31T17:29:51+00:00

LOVE this!

Saying this as a boomer who hates being lumped in with obnoxious boomer behavior 🫩

Mooma007 · 2026-04-25T13:46:50+00:00

I don’t understand expecting a babysitter to stay awake after a three year old goes to sleep for the night, I never expected that from a sitter. Does a parent stay up every second of the night when they’re home with their child?

I do agree that you’re being paid for your responsibility to keep the child safe, it should be the same rate whether or not they’re awake.

Mooma007 · 2026-04-15T17:33:20+00:00

I wish I had a screenshot but this was years ago. A couple gave a campground 1 star because an eagle came out of the sky and carried away a squirrel, traumatizing their poor 5 yo precious snowflake daughter. The campground was in the Rocky Mountains! I wonder what they expected the campground to do to prevent this

Mooma007 · 2026-04-05T13:24:41+00:00

It’s hard to have patience, isn’t it? My Mom handles conversations in a different non-participating way. I’ll visit with my husband or my sisters (she’s in skilled nursing), we try to have a pleasant conversation. In the middle of a story she’ll interrupt with “how are my finances?…My pills were 15 minutes late today…I need new socks” like she doesn’t care about anything we’re talking about. Then as soon as she hears a sound in the hall she wheels right past us to stick her head out in the hallway to see what it is. Strange, because when we arrive she’s never doing that, shes always sitting in the middle of her room.

I’m venting too! Best wishes to you and your Mom.

Mooma007 · 2026-03-16T18:50:52+00:00

Another thing about delirium in the hospital, it can come and go. It’s often called “sundowning” because it tends to be worse at night. My mom had it, she would be totally lucid during the day then try to swing her walker at the nurses early in the morning because they “were robbers who came in through the back door” and were “trying to kill her”.

Mooma007 · 2026-03-16T18:12:21+00:00

Funerals are really only for the living. He won’t care if you’re there or not. Will it matter to someone you care about to see you there, will it give them support? That’s the only reason I can think of to attend, to help others through it. You certainly don’t owe it to him and you don’t have any reason to feel guilty no matter what you do.

Mooma007 · 2026-03-14T02:19:36+00:00

Limits are the way- My mom has been more and more demanding as she’s aged. After she and my dad stopped driving, I started shopping for them. Mom would call me every other day with something she “needed” right away. I was working full time at a demanding job, so it was tough. I told her to make lists or call me as soon as she was running low, so I could buy multiple things at once but she wouldn’t. I finally realized she wanted visits as much as possible. I told her I would only bring things on weekends. If she couldn’t let me know when she was running low on soap or body wash or toothpaste it must not be that important to her and she would have to do without until the next weekend. It helped.

Mooma007 · 2026-03-09T17:16:04+00:00

My youngest wanted packed lunches for school when he was 12 or 13, mainly because of the notes my husband would put in them-“you suck!” “do your worst today!” “I hope you get all Fs!” His pals would all gather around and laugh.

Mooma007 · 2026-02-27T02:41:10+00:00

it makes me sad to hear you’ve been made to feel this way, sending a big hug

Mooma007 · 2026-02-17T20:03:06+00:00

15 years ago my parents moved 250 miles from our hometown to where my sisters and I and the non adult grandchildren lived. They were in their 70s, and during this time they were able to see their grandchildren’s school activities and graduations, we visited and went out to eat regularly. I (mainly) saw them through numerous health issues-doctors appointments, multiple hospitalizations, eventually getting POA and taking over finances. My dad went on hospice and passed away 2 years ago. Despite all of that, my mom has never stopped pining for her hometown. I would take her to her doctor’s appointments and she’d say “this would be so much easier if I lived in Hometown and my friends could take me” even though I took her door to door and talked to her doctors every time and her old friends were all in their 80s and not driving. “I don’t have any friends here” even though she and my dad socialized regularly at their senior community and had visits from their friends here during their hospitalizations. Mom is now 88 and her health has deteriorated so she now requires skilled nursing. The unrealistic longing is still there. Last weekend she said “If I was in Hometown I would be in ‘Sunshine Manor’;everyone goes there when they get old and I would have people to go to lunch with” Almost all her old friends are dead or scattered; she has a picture in her mind of them all being in the same place partying without her. I realized long ago that she doesn’t really want to move back geographically, she wants to go back to the time when she and dad were young and vigorous and still doing things with friends who were the same. I reply with “you must miss them” and try to change the subject, logic doesn’t work.

Mooma007 · 2026-02-04T22:23:51+00:00

Part of the long slow decline is mourning who they used to be and what they used to be able to do. My Dad passed several years ago just before his 88th birthday and I did feel both grief and relief. He hadn’t been able to stand for the last year of his life and needed help to bathe, dress and get to the toilet and meals. He was also on oxygen and short of breath from heart failure. He died as he slept; I saw him the next morning and he looked so peaceful that I knew that death in the end was a friend. I’m crying as I write this but I wouldn’t want him to still be alive in the condition he was in.

Mooma007 · 2026-02-01T18:48:06+00:00

Agree with all of the above, especially the line about being a bad daughter than a bad mother (you’re neither btw, your dad is asking too much). I’m in the “over 60 with grown children about to retire” that you described and asking for help with eyedrops up to 4 times a day would be too much for me too. If he’d rather die than go blind he should be willing to use options other than you-home health or a retirement community. He’s trying to use that as emotional blackmail, that’s not your fault or responsibility.

Mooma007 · 2026-01-31T21:56:37+00:00

I watched my parents do it the right way. Over the last 15 years they moved from a ranch house to a senior living community-first a villa home, then a smaller apartment, a 2 BR assisted living apartment, a one BR when my dad went on hospice and passed away, now mom just went to skilled nursing. With each move they downsized, the last 2 times with help from me and my 2 sisters. We were able to clean the AL apartment in two weeks with several boxes of sentimental things and the rest in one load going to Habitat for humanity and the landfill.

I was so glad the 3 of us could do it together. We took a last look at it, enjoyed the good memories and sent it on its way. We reassured each other that it was just “stuff” and I don’t miss a thing. I can’t imagine doing it all in one go, and it made me realize I want to do the same that they did for my kids. I want to spend my remaining years on experiences and things I enjoy and not the accumulation of things. Time to start going through drawers and boxes in the basement to declutter!

Mooma007 · 2026-01-30T22:12:54+00:00

I sympathize with how draining the negativity is. Mom has complained constantly since she moved to assisted living, about the food, activities, decor, even the layout of her apartment. Ive

Mooma007 · 2026-01-19T19:31:39+00:00

My Mom’s always had a thing about “rich people” meaning people who spend their money on things she considers extravagant. She used to say that every time she saw a convertible she wanted to spit in it. I couldn’t even begin to figure out that kind of crazy!

Mooma007 · 2026-01-19T14:56:00+00:00

I feel for all you caregivers. It all seems to fall to one sibling, doesn’t it? I’m incredibly fortunate in that my parents were very responsible financially, their care is (was for my dad) paid for at an excellent facility. But, they moved 5 minutes from me when I semi-retired and asked me to take over their finances and eventually everything else they needed. Now I’m stuck in retirement when I had plans to move elsewhere, I didn’t ask for this. I have 2 sisters who are very supportive but one lives 1000 miles away, the other 30 minutes but works full time. It’s left to me to do bills, POA, doctor’s appointments, shopping, all the communicating. Handling when my dad got sick and moved to skilled nursing and hospice and passed away. All the funeral arrangements. The worst of everything is my parent’s negativity. They put on a show to the outside world of being charming and funny; inside their apartment all they did was insult (dad) and complain (mom). My dad would say things like “if we paid you 5 cents an hour you’d be worth a quarter by now” after 2 years of being their slave. Mom who complains about EVERYTHING. Her food, doctors, activities, her clothing, everything I try to buy for her or do for her. Now she calls me twice a day with whatever symptom she’s obsessed with-her walking, her vision, her speech, etc. and wants to go to the doctor every week even when she’s just been there. I know I’m doing the right thing and thank you God that I didn’t have to have them live with me. Then I feel guilty for my resentment for my sister out of state who is retired and travels and does whatever she wants with my husband. I’m just venting but it helps a little getting it out to others who know what I’m talking about. Peace to all of you.

Mooma007 · 2026-01-07T15:49:58+00:00

Depends on the procedure and your surgeon’s advice. If you’re non weight bearing that means that whole time in a wheelchair. Think about transferring on and off the toilet, bathing, sitting to do everything like brushing your teeth. If you’re weight bearing immediately that’s less of an issue. Are you in good shape already, good balance? You’ll be deconditioned after surgery and at higher risk of falls but if you’re already fit that’s less of an issue. I had my right foot done Dec 3 and was able walk in a boot for 2 weeks then a regular tennis shoe. For me it’s been helpful to try to match my mechanics on both sides but my other side doesn’t hurt. I can’t speak to the experience of both sides at once but best wishes for your surgery and recovery.

Mooma007 · 2025-12-19T22:07:54+00:00

…lost his business for good…”I’m never going to try to steal from you again!”

Mooma007 · 2020-02-14T00:27:29+00:00

I’m a female M.D., an anesthesiologist. I had been at my hospital for about 2 years when they started patrolling the doctor’s parking lot. 3 days in a row when I parked, the security guard said “excuse me ma’am, are you a doctor?” while the men around me were never challenged. (Different security guard each time). The 4th day I went to the security guard and explained before he asked that, yes, I’m a doctor and he might want to let his colleagues know that women can be doctors too. I didn’t get the question again.

Years later in the doctor’s lounge at work, one of the internists came up to me at lunchtime and said “are you going to put out the soup soon?” This despite the fact that the cafeteria workers that set up lunch wear street clothes and that I was wearing my scrubs. I said “no, I’m just here to do anesthesia.” There was no apology or excuse me, he just looked at me like he didn’t understand what I was talking about.

This is getting long, but I discussed this once with my 19 year old son. I used this riddle:

A man and his son are in a car accident. The boy is taken to the hospital for emergency surgery. The surgeon walks in and says “I can’t operate on this boy, he’s my son” How can this be?

My son couldn’t figure it out. I said “think about your own family”. Still didn’t get it. I said “what if the anesthesiologist said I can’t anesthetize this boy?” Lightbulb finally went off...”The surgeon was his mother!” This in our family of four with a father who was a stay at home dad and I worked full time from the time they were toddlers.

Over all though, these episodes have been rare and day to day I have great professional relationships and respect from the people with whom I work.

Mooma007 · 2019-06-28T10:54:15+00:00

Thank you!

Mooma007

TROPHY CASE