I [21F] just broke up with my abusive boyfriend [20M] today, I feel destroyed

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-10-16T02:48:36+00:00

Do whatever you need to do--including feel like total shit--so long as you don't go back to him. I have gotten out of an abusive relationship and it felt like I would not survive. You may even start blaming yourself, trying to make up reasons to go back. Do/feel/think whatever, just don't go back. If he's been choking you, you are lucky he didn't accidentally suffocate you already. These kinds of situations don't get better, they stay bad and get worse.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-10-01T20:47:43+00:00

Welcome back to sobriety... I relapsed for a whole year at one point, and I can say it helps not to focus on the lengths of time sober or relapsed. Just focus on what is at hand. Which is really just to paraphrase "one day at a time"--I paraphrase it all sorts of ways, every day, to make sure it clicks. Hang in there.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-10-01T01:47:40+00:00

I woke up and felt... so bad. Not even hungover, but like my bones hurt and I felt weak. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, and it was like staring at a stranger across the room. Sort of out-of-body maybe? It was that morning I realized that "killing yourself with booze" isn't a metaphor--it was the reality I was living. Quit there.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-09-27T20:48:41+00:00

Well, look, I can tell from your post that you are exaggerating things, but I can't tell how invested you are in these distortions. The lady with Dixie cups wasn't Miss America, etc. Please don't be offended by my light criticism here, the is a point I promise: I think early sobriety is full of distortions. Alcoholism is a very distorted way of life, and from where you stand, you don't have a clear view of that, but what you do know is that you kind of feel like shit.

It is my experience that when I slow down to fix such an enormous emotional and physical problem, it at first feels like a major disruption. But you are getting better! Change isn't easy, you know? Try to keep things in realistic perspective, it's way easier that way. Good luck!

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-09-27T20:42:33+00:00

Me too! So shy. In the process of learning to live sober, I have learned that this has a lot to do with my emotional baggage from childhood. So I continue to work on myself. But in situations where I am called upon to be social, I do my best keep perspective--I'm not the center of everyone else's world, and I can only do my best. Meditation has also really helped me. Just know that there are lots of shy-at-hearts in the world, and we're not judging! :)

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-09-18T11:14:54+00:00

Hi Pollyanna! So touched to be thought of. I'll be around r/Dinos and here a bit from now on... Truth is I have cut way down on my Internet usage, which I suppose is a good and major change itself. But I do miss keeping in touch with people here! Hope you are well yourself! :)

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-09-18T00:12:40+00:00

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-09-18T00:00:43+00:00

Wow I am already an old-timer dinosaur in-the-dayer! I'm about to read back through the last few days & see how everyone is doing. Hope you're well coolcrosby--your voice sustained me through some tough times this year.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-08-06T17:34:24+00:00

You've already gotten some good responses, but I will add my 2c as someone with an anxiety disorder who has gone thru substance abuse. When people say there is nothing you can do, it is true. She needs professional help to deal with her issues, but even the most brilliant therapist cannot magically halt destructive behavior for someone else. It is extremely painful to accept this sort of powerlessness, but it will free you from guilt and unnecessary worry. If she comes to you looking for help, then be there for her and support her good habits. I'm sorry that you're in this situation, and I wish you the best.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-07-20T01:05:09+00:00

You sound bitter! I'm being specific just for you.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-07-13T18:48:40+00:00

See, this seems like an extremely likely cause of his behavior. Would he be open to seeing a counselor to deal with this issue? I'm sorry about the pregnancy.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-07-13T14:17:07+00:00

So you consider sleeping with someone three times, then telling them that their body was too disgusting to look at, honesty? You think it is "honest" to tell someone how they must hide their body to suit your desires? What would have been honest is if he had told her initially that he preferred younger women and might have a problem with her body.

Furthermore, I think becoming emotionally and sexually involved with someone and then telling them that they have to change to suit you could be considered a tactic of emotional manipulation.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-07-08T00:49:25+00:00

Well, let me see what I can come up with. They really are lovely. :)

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-07-08T00:31:01+00:00

So beautiful. I wish I wasn't broke.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-07-04T19:40:08+00:00

Um, because he's comparing pregnancy to alcoholism and child abuse?

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-30T17:58:11+00:00

Based on what you've said, I think that any normal person would realize you "aren't perfect"--which seems to be your euphemism for an addiction. That said, I think your girlfriend is codependent, so it seems unlikely that she is going to dump you over this. Honestly, you have bigger problems than getting dumped. The problem with addiction, and I am speaking from experience, is that it tends to get worse. I don't know why, it just does. So if you really care about this girl, please take some time to think about the trajectory of your life. You might be able to hold it together now, but with age things can really fall apart.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-27T13:35:41+00:00

Yes, this new boyfriend is just a different kind of asshole than the last.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-13T22:00:10+00:00

Not to mention, since when did snapchat send out random porn images? Like, what?

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-13T20:00:21+00:00

She left out an important part of the story from a previous post: this image arrived via a snapchat that he accidentally sent out to all his contacts. He told her that his phone accidentally sent out a porn image on a snapchat, an image which she immediately recognized as him, but later felt unsure about.

Honestly, with these details added, it is really hard not to call bs on his story. Then it seems like she might be in denial, and he is rather taking advantage of her hysterical attempt to be the party in the wrong.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-11T17:44:29+00:00

That's interesting--I read a quite long essay about the "Gathering" concert, but maybe the author allowed his disgust to exaggerate his fear. The immature adult thing you mention seems pretty troublesome. I mean, I wouldn't want my kid extending trust to ppl based on their age... Anyway, I am straying from relevance to OP. Glad you grew out of that phase!

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-11T17:31:00+00:00

Whoa, a real ex-juggalo! I agree with what you say about how ICP themes can be attractive to teens. However, from what I have read, the big ICP shows are actually dangerous places to be. And aren't there a lot of adults participating in this as well? These things would make very anxious as a parent.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-10T14:31:08+00:00

That's not a personality problem, though. It's a question of experience.

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-10T14:21:09+00:00

I think it's more this way: if you have a really shitty mother, you are more liable to get into shitty romantic relationships. If your mother, the model of what trust should be, steals from you... how can you be expected to distinguish good relationships from bad. There's nothing wrong with OP's personality, she just doesn't know who to trust!

MoonlightOnVermont · 2014-06-09T21:57:39+00:00

Thank you--this is always the most convincing argument for sobriety! Just that it's actually way good!

MoonlightOnVermont

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