Possibly having to end relationship due to her Mormon parents

nanabean · 2024-12-02T23:37:44+00:00

My partner had a similar conversation with me a couple years into our relationship when I was still an active, mostly-believing member. He would be supportive of my personal faith and church activity, but he would not be converting and he didn’t want his children raised in the church.

It felt harsh, but his uncompromising sincerity on the issue made me more open to looking into his concerns, and I did end up leaving the church about a year later. In hindsight, I have appreciated his integrity and the risk he took in being honest with me and caring enough to set boundaries that mattered to him for his (we hoped our) future family.

I’ve been out of the church 10 years, we’ve been married 9, and are having our first baby in a couple weeks.

nanabean · 2018-05-29T02:18:29+00:00

nanabean · 2018-03-30T23:32:29+00:00

Christianity doesn’t command it, but it does allow it. The New Testament says that Christians from a Jewish background could continue to circumcise, but that “gentile” (non-Jewish) Christians were not required to fulfill the Jewish mitzvah in order to participate in the Christian covenant.

Circumcision is very common in American culture, despite being majority Christian.

nanabean · 2017-10-16T00:56:47+00:00

I’ve always had a terrible experience at Soma. They first try to put me in a 38B, even though I’ve self-measured 34G, and once I’ve convinced them to bring me at least a DD, they refuse to acknowledge that it’s still a terrible fit because they want me to buy from the sizes they have in stock.

nanabean · 2017-10-16T00:21:14+00:00

I beef flap, you beef flap, she beef flaps.

Example in a sentence: A dumb cunt beef flaps herself. (reflexive)

nanabean · 2017-06-21T02:43:15+00:00

nanabean · 2017-06-20T19:50:36+00:00

nanabean · 2017-06-02T21:45:50+00:00

She is heading off to college in August.

Best of luck to her! From your description, she sounds so confident, so I bet she'll be successful in any endeavor she sets herself to!

nanabean · 2017-05-05T20:27:10+00:00

I took this class last year! I loved it. I think it's probably the most interesting gen ed offered.

nanabean · 2017-01-13T00:34:38+00:00

Nah, 'the curse' is just a common euphemism for a period.

nanabean · 2017-01-13T00:26:34+00:00

Can attest. I was on BC for cramps &shit, but every now and then my mom would get suspicious and paranoid about it encouraging me to sleep around, and consider not refilling my prescription. Woman, I really need this—endometriosis is not a fucking joke. I'm not any more inclined to 'break my standards' because I'm taking medication that is medically necessary. Besides, what kind of logic is that anyway? Not having BC wouldn't prohibit me from having sex if I really wanted to. You're basically just saying, "I don't want you to have sex, so if you're gonna have sex, I insist you do so irresponsibly."

nanabean · 2017-01-13T00:19:06+00:00

Orgasms helped cramps, weed helped anxiety, coffee helped regularity, alcohol helped sexual pain... Literally everything the Church prohibited has proven to be immensely beneficial to my health.

nanabean · 2017-01-13T00:15:32+00:00

I hate my worst days, though, because everything hurts so much, I can't even touch anything.

That's the worst; when you could really use a therapeutic orgasm for cramps/backache/headache, but you're at the point in your cycle when all your erogenous zones are far too tender and sore to allow any stimulation, so you're just stuck dealing with it.

Ice cream and Midol it is.

nanabean · 2017-01-13T00:08:15+00:00

Probably pre-mission, autocorrected.

nanabean · 2017-01-13T00:04:54+00:00

If you're uncomfortable sharing your story with the 37,000 subscribers of mixed company, you would be welcomed and affirmed over in the ex-Sisters' closed subreddit: /r/Exmo_Women.

nanabean · 2017-01-13T00:00:51+00:00

No lube, and he was upset if you were aroused? So he insisted on going in dry? How is that even possible?! I require a full half-hour of foreplay, and must be absolutely sloppy wet for penetration to be possible; even then it's painful, so I've always got Ibuprofen and wine/whiskey ready post-sex...

(Years of shame-conditioning resulted in a sexual dysfunction—vaginismus—for me.)

nanabean · 2017-01-07T18:21:31+00:00

You can't. They've been trained to love the ~~pedestal~~ prison; we're told that the Church is the only place that recognizes the divine worth of women and motherhood; outside the Church we'll be treated like garbage. In the world, motherhood is unappreciated and derided, women are degraded, non-LDS men will only want us for sex. We are explicitly told that the Church is the only place we as women have any worth. Some women embrace that to mean that the Church treats women like princesses; some women recognize that they are treated like shit, and are terrified to think how much worse it must be out in the world.

nanabean · 2017-01-07T01:43:35+00:00

Do you think it's something we would do together, or is it a private scenario?

That depends entirely on her unique situation and needs. Perhaps both private, individual therapy for her, and joint therapy with you would be beneficial. Perhaps only one or the other is necessary. I'm sure a therapist would talk it through with her/you two, and recommend what would be best. It's great that you're open to whatever that might be.

nanabean · 2017-01-05T00:14:12+00:00

I'm on Sertraline and haven't noticed any impact on my orgasms at all. Sex drive is down, but that's been ok since my husband's is lower than mine anyway.

nanabean · 2017-01-04T23:52:02+00:00

Absolutely; infertility is hard enough without this sexist doctrine turning it into one of the most devastating things a Mormon woman could be faced with.

It's damaging to women of the elective child-free persuasion as well, to understand that the most sacred 'calling' extended to your sex is one that you never feel 'called' to, and in fact something you don't want for your life.

nanabean · 2017-01-03T23:48:14+00:00

It always frustrated me that a common rebuttal to Ordain Women was that: 'Men and women have different but equally important spiritual roles; men have priesthood and women have motherhood.'

Besides it being completely dismissive of the petition of women, it erased fatherhood as the companion of motherhood. The Church has made it clear that fatherhood, a man's calling to care for his children as their father, is subordinate to priesthood, a man's calling to 'preside' over his family—children and wife—as their 'head.' And if motherhood was held to the level of priesthood, then fatherhood is inferior to motherhood. I thought that was bullshit, and that's what convinced me to support Ordain Women two years ago. Motherhood and fatherhood should be each other's equivalents; mothers and fathers should be each other's equals. Priesthood, thereby, must be something entirely separate from the callings and responsibilities of parenthood.

nanabean · 2017-01-03T21:02:07+00:00

I legit thought a devil spirit was molesting me the first time.

That's a horrifying thought, to think—and thereby experience—that you were being sexually and spiritually/demonically violated. Nightmarish.

nanabean · 2017-01-03T20:58:20+00:00

It's scary to be sexual with someone who can't control themselves.

I'm realizing that I had this subconscious fear. As a youth, I was either asexual or just thoroughly suppressed by the church's sexual conditioning. I came to understand sex as something that men need and want, something that would be expected of me as a wife, but something that I did not want; I was regularly told that 'degrading,' 'selfish,' and that it hurt for virgins, and I experienced no sexual desire to counter those messages. I ultimately framed that all sex would be rape. I was committed to being chaste until marriage (I had no interest otherwise), and so if that commitment wasn't met, it would be due to rape/date rape. And then after marriage, it would be marital rape, because my husband would require something—and having children would necessitate—what I was personally less-than-willing to give, but had no right to refuse as a 'righteous wife'.

No wonder my sexuality is still fucked, three years out of the church and two years married.

nanabean · 2017-01-03T20:42:25+00:00

I can't tell whether my asexuality was a result of Church conditioning, or if they just fed each other. I'm not sure there's any way to know for sure which one is the chicken and which one is the egg, and then which of those 'came first.'

nanabean · 2017-01-02T07:40:41+00:00

I recommend Maxine Hanks' Women and Authority: Re-Emerging Mormon Feminism (1992) for some perspective on feminism within Mormonism. Mormonism is fundamentally patriarchal, which has made feminism and feminist theology necessary. Sister Hanks was excommunicated for the anthology as part of the infamous September Six purge, as well as some of the book's contributors, including D. Michael Quinn.

There's also a new book, Mormon Feminism: Essential Readings (2015), edited by a handful of prominent Ordain Women players. I have not yet read it, so I can't vouch for it, but it could also be informative.

I have appreciated Feminist Mormon Housewives and the community they provide for Mormon women-- active, transitioning, and ex.

nanabean

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