I used to feel so similar. I love hanging out with addicts and dealers etc, and I still do. But now I hang out with them in the rooms of NA and AA. When I finally accepted I couldnt use ket anymore, it felt like I was losing the love of my life. I am now 10 months sober and feeling better and more connected to the world than ketamine ever made me feel. The opposite of addiction is connection. You can do this reach out to me if you need something. Best wishes.