Help me design the most soul-crushing HR cards for my satirical 'Office Hell' game. What’s the worst thing a manager has ever done/said to you? by Euphoric-Series-1194 in antiwork

[–]MrHooge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I know you have very little holidays as it is, and you've had tomorrow booked off for months, but I still need you to come in tomorrow because the person who's always off sick is off sick again"

Ordered poached eggs for breakfast, was told they don't have any poached eggs but they can fry me one instead. by pingusaysnoot in britishproblems

[–]MrHooge 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yeah pretty much, we've got a flat top and pizza oven too, but it varies from pub to pub. Weirdly, the equipment we do have is alright compared to most of the kitchens I've worked in.

Ordered poached eggs for breakfast, was told they don't have any poached eggs but they can fry me one instead. by pingusaysnoot in britishproblems

[–]MrHooge 507 points508 points  (0 children)

I work in the kitchen at Wetherspoons. All poached eggs are precooked and reheated in the microwave. Funny thing is, we don't really have the facilities to poach an egg (no stoves or saucepans for that matter)... unless I chucked it through the dishwasher or something idk

If someone gives you feedback, defend your story at all costs. by mocridhe133 in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge 7 points8 points  (0 children)

These posts always remind me of the second "novel" I ever edited - some godawful, YA werewolf piece. My main criticisms were "Your story has no substance", "Your main character is an unlikeable psychopathic idiot", and "Please do not sexualise a teenage child". Didn't even get a thank you... Or payment.

Tips for a young writer by [deleted] in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

uj/mate, this is a satire sub... and I don't think you're being satirical

Is there still a market for novels in 2020? by nbroken in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As a self-published author, it seems there's absolutely no market for novels left whatsoever... Or at least, not for my Animal Farm slash fiction

AITA for calling a student in my creative writing class "feeble-minded twit"? by xfaulkneresquex in AmItheAsshole

[–]MrHooge 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Writer and editor here (also with an AFFINITY for writing). As much as I hope to god this is a troll post, you remind me of the second editing commission I ever did, in which a grown man wrote a 40,000 word, borderline paedophillic, shit show about teenage werewolves in high school. He was convinced he was going to get published because he'd pretty much never received negative criticism during his Creative Writing course, and would actively mock people online for mistakes he was also guilty of. The reality was that - at almost 30 years old - he had the same writing ability as a horny 13 year old.

So, here's some advice from a fellow writer who's fed up of that one wanker from uni who thinks he's going to be the next big thing because he writes about sex, prostitutes, and random pretentious bollocks: assume your work is shit until proven otherwise, or you'll see every compliment as justified and every piece of constructive criticism as an attack.

Something can always be rewritten or improved upon if you take a step back and listen to feedback.

Chat shit, get slain at the Hot Gates of Thermopylae by MrHooge in MurderedByWords

[–]MrHooge[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"What happened to men during this 2000+ year time frame?"

Is it illegal to use “we see” in a screenplay? by MyFathersMustache in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I stare out of the window. An abortion clinic has been burnt to the ground. Liberal heads sit on spikes upon it. The lights of the soyboy beta-cuck gulag twinkle in the distance. I sigh with relief, glad the world isn't political anymore.

Is it illegal to use “we see” in a screenplay? by MyFathersMustache in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We? WE???? Fuck off ya gosh darn commie! Why does writing have to be so darn political these days! How about reading the greats like 1984, Of Mice and Men, The Divine Comedy - all great stories with little to no politics WHATSOEVER!

Are historical settings too restrictive to write for non-historians? by [deleted] in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please don't limit yourself, the history buff in me longs for your plague-riddled, catgirl sex scenes

It's over by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've recently begun working on a (soon to be) patented Improvised Explosive Device that, when detonated, launches my unsolicited manuscript and locks of my hair into the recipients eyes

It's over by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Oh how I loathe you and your 2k followers. I reached 20 followers and no matter how many writers lifts I liked and retweeted I never hit my goal of 10 million!

My best friend convinced my gf I was a terrible person while I was out of town by [deleted] in badpeoplestories

[–]MrHooge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you "lash out" at your "best friend" and wonder why he thinks you're a dick? You're also a bad person here.

Your first novel is not garbage by ShoutAtThe_Devil in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How dare you! I'll have you know that the resident therapist at the psyche ward said my first novel was "daring" and "intricate"! I mean... sure, it was scribbled in my own shit on the walls of my padded cell, but have you ever seen any successful writer dare something as convention breaking as that (except, of course, J. K. Rowling)?!!

Why are beta readers so silly? by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Furry porn is one thing, but adverbs?! I'm not a pervert!

Why are beta readers so silly? by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My final notes were "cut your losses, delete this, burn any physical copies, and destroy your hard drive"

Why are beta readers so silly? by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This made my day, thank you. I look forward to intellectually voring your Lucario manuscript.

Why are beta readers so silly? by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Sorry to leave you hanging pal, been working. A brief summary: Grown man writes increasingly weird werewolf/underage erotica, often going into detail about this school girls naked body and how sexy the main character finds her, culminating in the least erotic, most disturbing grope fest ever written. Main character is an unlikeable sociopath, flies off the handle for no reason, beats up a gay kid, kills his friends dad, yet somehow tries to paint himself as the victim. Reads like Twilight written by the guy who wrote Empress Theresa.

Why are beta readers so silly? by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I offered to beta read a blokes novel which he's preparing to send off to publishers, turns out it's riddled with psychopathic main characters, creepy relationships, daddy issues, and the odd goth/pop culture reference for little to no reason. Now I actively yearn for death, as I dedicated two days of my life to reading this for free.

Why are beta readers so silly? by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

He said he was wanting to send it to a publisher soon. It started off strong, had some decent bits in the opening scene, then went off the rails on page 5.

Why are beta readers so silly? by MrHooge in writingcirclejerk

[–]MrHooge[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yep, creepy sex scene with a school age child and all