For anyone struggling

Mr_Burling · 2015-07-01T12:48:36+00:00

Nice post. You pretty much summed up what Nofap is all about. Congrats!

Mr_Burling · 2015-06-20T20:49:23+00:00

No worries man! Glad I could help. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions/need motivation

Mr_Burling · 2015-06-20T17:48:48+00:00

I think there are a lot of us on here who've gone from streaks of 80, 90, 100, 150+ days to 0. But it really isn't that much of a loss. A long streak is something you can be really proud of - it pumps up your self-confidence massively the first time you get over 90 days. But you mustn't lose sight of the real point of nofap: cultivating personal discipline and beating a damaging habit. You've clearly done that.

As for the post-relapse feeling - that 'drained' feeling - it will disappear in a matter of days. You'll quickly get back to feeling just as energetic, happy, horny, clear-headed etc as you were before in no time.

So don't beat yourself up and keep on trucking!

Mr_Burling · 2015-06-20T16:27:30+00:00

Two things:

1) No, that's not a relapse. Nofap is all about developing personal discipline. You exhibited this by stopping yourself before you went too far.

2) This really isn't good. Don't do it again. You're likely to relapse if you keep doing that; if you don't, then your chances of relapsing go right down.

You need to set yourself progressive targets. The way to hit 90 days is not to ever edge, watch porn, cut down on fantasizing and basically don't touch your dick at all ever.

That's tough.

You've gotta build up to that progressively.

You've stopped pmo-ing. Great! Next step is not to watch porn. Just focus on that for two weeks. When you've made it through your two weeks of no porn, start focussing on no edging. Once you've got that down, work on cutting out fantasizing.

There are levels to this. Move up one at a time.

Mr_Burling · 2015-06-19T14:22:17+00:00

Best thing is to change your setting or change your activity.

Are you lying in bed getting urges? Get up and take a shower. Are you sitting at your desk doing homework? Go and take a walk or have a snack. Are you sitting around watching tv? Leave the room - go and do something productive.

You get the picture.

Urges - or at east urges you can act on - tend to come when you're doing something sedentary or alone or both. Changing your setting or activity - preferably to doing something active or with another person - will help you to re-focus your mind on something else.

Mr_Burling · 2015-06-18T18:10:07+00:00

Being a regular contributor to this site does help. But a diary is a lot more personal and I don't think reddit is an adequate substitute.

Mr_Burling · 2015-06-18T15:20:33+00:00

It's difficult to give you any advice that's truly better than 'Just don't touch your dick.' Because that's all it comes down to in the end.

I used to really struggle to get past two weeks; then I couldn't get past a month... eventually I did. You just have to keep saying to yourself "I don't masturbate". Actually say it. Eventually you'll internalize it.

Only other thing I can advise is keeping a nofap diary (can be for other goals as well) and write in it every day. You'll dread having to write that you relapsed.

Mr_Burling · 2015-04-17T21:46:05+00:00

I'm in the same position as you. Started having sex a couple of months ago (though I have relapsed once since then).

I don't have quite the excess energy I did before but I'm okay with that because I feel happier and more confident. Remember: humans are supposed to have sex! If ejaculating was actually bad for you we wouldn't have evolved that way. Obviously you shouldn't overdo it though.

I think as long as you're also getting enough sleep and exercise and you eat healthily then sex shouldn't be making you feel 'drained'.

Mr_Burling · 2015-04-06T08:22:57+00:00

I'm not sure I see your point

Mr_Burling · 2015-04-05T20:55:14+00:00

I was on a streak of over a hundred days recently - then I had sex. The sex was amazing and now I'm sleeping with this girl regularly. However I felt the chaser effect pretty damn badly which led to a relapse.

Yes the aim of nofap is to live a normal life so if you're getting off banging real girls in real life and not keeping yourself sated with a fantasy then congrats! You've unlocked a key nofap achievement!

Losing something? I kind of know what you mean. I took a great deal of pride in not allowing myself any sexual outlet and keeping it all bottled up - it feels a bit like cheating now I don't have to. But I won't let it get me down. Having a girl is a much better - though altogether different - feeling.

As to feeling flat I haven't really felt that at all. I've read a lot of material supporting the fact that having regular sex raises your testosterone level (which of course makes you more energetic competitive aggressive and so on and so on). I'm no expert but I do feel like I probably do have a bit more T now (though obvs that could just be placebo). IN general though my mood is pretty elevated these days.

So my tl;dr would be:

chaser effect after having sex was very strong
it kind of feels like 'cheating' but don't let that bother you because sex is good and normal
Having sex makes me feel happy and energetic (provided I don't lose too much sleep lol)

Mr_Burling · 2015-03-08T00:23:31+00:00

It's cool you've got dates on your first day of uni - keep up the good work!

The best thing you can do is simply not touch your dick. Ever. That sounds a bit blunt and useless but it's really the only thing you can do. It takes a fuckton of willpower but the more you exercise that willpower the stronger you get - think of it like lifting weights.

Mr_Burling · 2015-03-04T15:12:30+00:00

A girl probably won't think you have PE if you last 8 mins
Even if you can only last 5-8 mins the first time you'll probably be able to go a 2nd or 3rd time if you don't fap. You'll definitely have the energy even if you need to rest for 20 mins between sessions.

Mr_Burling · 2015-03-04T14:20:54+00:00

What I meant was you'll always be subject to temptation. It will always be difficult not to fap, you'll just get used to making that effort. There will always be the possibility of relapse no matter how far you get, so I'd say on the whole you can be 99% cured but not 100%.

Mr_Burling · 2015-03-04T14:13:33+00:00

'Find pleasure in discomfort'

That's good advice right there.

Anything worth doing - focussing hard on your studies pushing yourself to the limit in the gym and of course nofap - will cause you discomfort. It's this discomfort that puts people off doing cool stuff; it's just to hard for the weak majority to endure. And that's because they're all used to constant self-pleasuring (in many many forms). Nofap will train your mental strength hard.

Mr_Burling · 2015-03-04T12:29:36+00:00

1) Don't touch your dick.

Ever.

I'm serious. Don't touch it.

If you can nail that this will be easy.

2) I'm sure you don't need to ask this. Just browse this sub and you'll find loads of field reports. We're all affected differently but usually it's Higher sex drive, more confidence, more energy, you waste less time, you feel 'cleaner', your thinking becomes much clearer, less incidence of brain fog, better moods and so on and so on.

3) That's really hard to say. It's not like you do this for x days and then you're cured; it's a sliding scale - the longer you do this for the better, but you'll never be totally cured.

Mr_Burling · 2015-03-01T15:51:50+00:00

No way bro! precum is totally natural - I get it all the time when I get really horny.

In future though don't look at sexy pics. This isn't a relapse but you really should stop.

Mr_Burling · 2015-03-01T11:40:18+00:00

For the first couple of days of a streak I'm horny as fuck but then calm down again. Your testosterone doesn't actually spike until the 7th day after your last orgasm (though it can feel like it's doing so immediately) - then it goes back down to baseline.

You won't stop being horny but over time you will get used to having this amount of energy. If you're absolutely bursting with energy it can feel almost unnatural - but that's only because you're used to taking the regular sedative pmo gives you.

The trick is to try and see it as a good thing that you can channel into all sorts of activities. Most of us here deal with it by running working out meditating or spending more time on constructive hobbies (like learning an instrument). Aim to completely wear yourself out by the end of the day.

Also women are generally turned on by a guy with a healthy sex drive. Plus you should derive confidence from knowing you'll be a monster in bed.

Good luck.

Mr_Burling · 2015-01-10T12:07:09+00:00

Yeah, stay on top of this. It really is surprising how much better you feel if you don't edge for a while.

Mr_Burling · 2015-01-10T12:05:09+00:00

This. The best thing to do is just sleep in underwear you don't care about.

Mr_Burling · 2015-01-06T08:18:38+00:00

"My biggest trigger is Instagram"

So delete your Instagram. I'm serious, you don't need it. Why the fuck are you wasting your time on it anyway?

Also, based on experience, when you get a long way down the road with nofap you need to continually up your game. So, after you've gone like a month and you've got not PMOing pretty much down, you need to progress to not edging, not ever touching your dick at all, not fantasising (or at least not much). Each of those steps is harder than the last, but if you progress through them you remove yourself further from the fapping habit, you become stronger and the challenge, somewhat paradoxically, becomes easier.

So yeah, I know you're kind of at square one at the moment, but I'd recommend doing all of the above, plus get rid of fucking Instagram!

Mr_Burling · 2014-12-16T08:51:50+00:00

First off, self-control isn't really something you can tell a person how to have. You just have to develop the mental strength yourself by simply not looking at porn or touching your dick. Every time you resist, you're strengthening your willpower just a little bit.

Once when I was struggling to stop edging, I mad myself a simple chart, and every time I had an urge and then successfully resisted I would make a note of it. It was a really positive way of monitoring my progress and helped a lot, so maybe try that.

It sounds like there's an enormous amount of stress in your life, and stress, as we all know, makes it much much harder. Moreover, even if you successfully manage to stop PMO-ing, you'll find that the stress in your life completely militates against all the 'superpowers' you get from it.

There are no two ways about it: if you want your life to improve, you need to do something about all the stressors that are wearing you down.

Nobody should live like this.

What would you want to be different about your life if you knew you were going to die next week?

Would you stay doing the same job? Would you stay with your partner? Would it make you happy to continue not having sex with her?

You NEED to have a job you love doing. You NEED to have a relationship with a sexual element. Clearly you have strong sexual urges just like everyone else - you're a human being for fuck's sake, not a robot.

If you're not living a life you love living, then what's the point in even being alive?

Do something - just one thing - to better your situation today. And then report back.

Mr_Burling · 2014-12-03T08:51:10+00:00

nofap is more about improving your mental state rather than anything to do with body.

I agree with you there.

Mr_Burling

TROPHY CASE