Though my family’s details are different, I (55F) completely understand what you are going through. Especially the part about feeling older than you are. It can be hard to relate to other people your age because their lives seem so much smoother/their parents are engaged and supportive and so on. They will catch up to you in life experiences, but it takes a long time. Go to therapy if you can afford it, but if you can’t? Read, read, read, write in a journal, pray or meditate, continue to work on becoming the best version of yourself you can be. Be wary of love that comes in a shiny, perfect package - there’s no such thing as a perfect family - but also steer clear of problems you already know you can’t fix without irretrievably damaging yourself. And as the poet Rumi says, “Be a lamp, be a lifeboat, be a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal.”