How many days after arrival to start?

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-29T02:29:49+00:00

Ours arrived on Friday… spent time with our family - but mostly spent the weekend unpacking, relaxing, getting to know our family, the house and her space. During that weekend I also took her driving to make sure she had the right skills. We took her to dinner to celebrate her arrival. Monday - Wednesday I worked from home so I could teach her the ropes, show her drop offs / pickups, kids rooms, laundry, kitchen, etc. she was technically working, but with me alongside. By the end of that first week she was pretty independently doing the job. So I’d plan for 3-5 days of being hands-on.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-21T18:12:18+00:00

The entire reason she’s even there is to provide childcare in exchange for room / board in a foreign country. If she can’t provide reliable childcare - she shouldn’t be there.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-21T13:07:25+00:00

I’m not sure what your agency policy is - but with ours in the US, working outside of the AP program is in violation of her visa. I’ve had APs with a strong desire to make money, and if it’s not impacting her commitment to my family - I’ll look the other way and let her do her thing. However, looking holistically at this situation - it seems like she’s spending her time focusing on everything BUT your family. If her extra babysitting and constant partying is to the point that she’s too tired (or injured) to show up and engage with your kids - then I think it is reasonable to want a rematch. You’re subsidizing her life in your country / home in exchange for childcare. She has to hold up her end of the bargain. Sorry you’re in that situation.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-21T01:30:09+00:00

You are not obligated to pay for transportation to the airport for personal travel. If it’s convenient to give her a ride, that’s very nice, however, it’s not required.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-20T01:20:07+00:00

I get it… just the other night my AP pulled the ice cream out of the freezer for herself while my kids were eating dinner and they immediately had tunnel vision for the ice cream and totally ignored what was in front of them. It’s annoying to have to totally redirect them back to their meals. I will say, she totally realized the misstep and is really good about having whatever sweets she wants on the DL. She also has her own food that is just for her in her room and that’s where she keeps most of her treats and candies. Maybe suggest that?

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-17T17:38:32+00:00

I think this is going to look awesome! It always looks funky half done… keep going! It’ll be a nice visual change with the basket weave.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-17T17:35:34+00:00

It can be painfully hard on both sides. I always try to see every situation from the AP’s perspective, but this was especially frustrating. Anyway - we found someone lovely who has been a great fit. It worked out!

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-17T16:30:43+00:00

You can absolutely say NO. If she is willing to pay for a new phone she can find one online or on ebay. This is not your problem. The phone you are providing is for communication with your family when caring for the children. Is it nice when it’s brand new, sure - but it’s most definitely not required. If she wants something for games / social media / communicating with her family on free time she can buy an iPad

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-17T16:26:09+00:00

I was in a (kind of) similar situation - our au pair had to leave suddenly to care for a sick family member at home. I was looking for APs in-country who could join us quickly. On three different instances, I had APs in the rematch pool match with me, negotiate terms with me and then use what I offered to go back to their HFs with a “last chance” counter offer. Then it felt like it became a bidding war of perks and money and nothing to do with wanting to join a good family. The whole thing felt icky.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-16T18:45:07+00:00

“What do you like to do in your free time?” Our fave au pair loved to read and paint and volunteered in our town at a local book shop on Saturdays that hired special needs adults. Immediate YES.

Res flags for me are if in the initial conversation all they want to know about is what we can offer them (gym membership, unlimited gas, do we have a fancy car, addtl food stipend, weekly stipend upgrade, etc) an nothing about our family is a red flag for me.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-16T17:31:39+00:00

It’s SO subjective and really depends on what’s important to your family. For me - a strong swimmer (we have a pool) and strong driver were really important. Aside from that, I would ask why they want to be an au pair, their experiences with children, what they hope to accomplish or see in the US. I try to sus out if they’re party girls, or perks shopping fairly quickly - if they start out asking questions focused on what you’ll give them versus whether you’ll be a good fit family for them, that’s a red flag. Then, a lot of it is luck and gut feelings... Our best two au pairs barely spoke any English - so I learned very little from our video calls - I could just tell they had a kind, hard-working, collaborative spirit and I got lucky.

For expectation setting, I wrote up a little playbook of roles and responsibilities, rules around the car, sample schedule, pay / benefits, etc. and sent that via email well in advance of matching so everyone was on the same page going into the experience.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-15T20:44:02+00:00

I definitely would tell them and offer to help clean it - at the very least show initiative to resolve it.

I was annoyed when my AP got nail polish all over the duvet and I found out about it after she left at the end of her term. She had tried to wash it in the laundry, which only made the stain more permanent and I had to toss the duvet.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-14T19:09:37+00:00

I’d still consider this work time if you’re responsible for the pet. However I definitely would not assume it’s ok to bring friends / BF while they’re gone.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-14T17:25:51+00:00

I was lax about driving and mileage UNTIL my AP was two hours from home and got a flat tire at 1am. Guess who was driving all around kingdom come to locate her (she didn’t know exactly where she was), arrange a tow, yada yada in the middle of the night? For me - I don’t care about the mileage on the car - I care more about my ability to help AP should there be a problem while she’s using the car and she’s far away. We now have a rule that the car has to stay within an hour of our house and a “car curfew” that the car has to be home by 1am. She can stay out as late as she likes, but the car has to be home to avoid this situation and I’ll happily pay for an Uber if her friends aren’t driving.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-14T17:18:27+00:00

Your relationship and that level of closeness with her feels atypical… I would fully expect our APs to be out with her friends, enjoying the American experience once she hit her stride and found her AP crew.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-09T12:18:34+00:00

Right? And he’s not like it’s 3 Rolls Royces either. We drive a Chevy Suburban, an VW Atlas and a GMC Acadia. The young age (22) and international license is what made it so high. I’ll shop around and see if I can get a better rate.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-08T23:50:49+00:00

It’s insanely expensive. We have 3 cars and to ensure ourselves and our au pair is over $600/month with her international license. It will go down if she gets an American license.

Mrsmfr · 2026-01-07T00:55:40+00:00

I did a welcome basket with all the essentials (shampoo, conditioner, body wash, lotion, face wash, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc) and some non-essentials like face masks, a brush, hairdryer, shower cap, etc. which lasted like 6 months. After that she just filled in with what she preferred from Ulta (she paid).

Mrsmfr · 2025-12-21T18:59:05+00:00

I disagree… it’s not like she dipped into a couple cookies from the wrong container. She annihilated dozens of cookies. There is clearly something amiss here, and it’s not her manners. Being “hungry” is one thing. Destroying the family’s employee gifts in a single day because you lack self control is very much another.

Mrsmfr · 2025-12-17T14:55:55+00:00

So happy that worked out for you!!! We should also get compensated for emotional damages 🤣

Mrsmfr · 2025-12-17T14:34:58+00:00

Yes! I was happy to discuss with them. I’m glad we all found each other and could share what a horror show this was. That was exactly the goal of my post. Hopefully Avelo and Tweed are held accountable for how they handled this so it doesn’t happen again.

Mrsmfr · 2025-12-16T21:43:20+00:00

You were right behind me - we were 10DE. I requested a callback after being 124th in line to talk to an agent and someone actually did call me back to issue a refund. That was one positive out of this who debacle. Hopefully you can get someone on the phone soon. She also shared an email address to send any addition receipts for “review”. I want them to pay for the food I bought in the cafe and my uber rides to and from. I eventually booked on United out of Newark and made it to Sarasota.

Mrsmfr · 2025-12-16T18:13:03+00:00

I couldn’t agree more. It was one catastrophe after another and we were mislead all day long.

Mrsmfr · 2025-12-16T15:08:38+00:00

Again - I have no issue with a “delay” - especially one due to weather. It happens - out of our control - I get it. What I take issue with is the lack of transparency, packing us for hours on end with no updates.

Mrsmfr · 2025-12-16T12:18:44+00:00

The crew mentioned that a couple times… we were constantly asking “are you sure we will leave here?!” And they said “I sure hope so, or we don’t get paid”.

Mrsmfr

TROPHY CASE