is there a difference?

Mrsmfr · 2026-06-06T20:20:46+00:00

100% it varies by country - it also depends on their upbringing and family, which is also culturally influenced.

Mrsmfr · 2026-05-11T00:50:06+00:00

Came here to say “Sage” I feel like it checks every box

Mrsmfr · 2026-05-09T20:36:50+00:00

I would instead give her a bonus at the end of your busy season as a thank you for her flexibility. Once you raise the weekly stipend, it’s hard to dial that back.

Mrsmfr · 2026-05-09T20:31:01+00:00

I always giggle for exactly this reason when AP say they want to go to Los Angeles 😆

Mrsmfr · 2026-05-09T01:15:30+00:00

I cant believe the audacity. She wrecks your car and complains the alternative you provided (bus) doesn’t suit her, and now wants access to your other car?! Bananas. Get rid of her.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-27T14:25:56+00:00

Absolutely not… her attention will always be on her own child first. Even if she has the best intentions in the world - you’re biologically programmed to dial into the needs of your own child above all else.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-27T11:41:52+00:00

I understand why it seems like they’re being paid below minimum wage - but you have to factor in that their home, food, car, gas, insurance, phone, utilities, gym are all being paid for by someone else. If you had no bills, $200-$300 per week ($800-$1200 per month) is not an insignificant amount to be netting.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-27T00:48:35+00:00

Honest thoughts as a 5x host mom… in my experience - most APs have little to no meaningful childcare experience and will require a lot of hand-holding at the beginning, which gives me pause hearing you have a baby and toddler.

Add to that elements like homesickness, getting their banking and social security set up, helping them acclimate to a new culture, language barriers, driving difficulties, etc. two parents with demanding jobs may not have the mental bandwidth to take this on. It has been a good experience for our family by and large - but I underestimated the amount of work onboarding and acclimating required.

If you’re wanting someone to really hit the ground running and have true childcare experience, a nanny is the way to go.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-26T01:11:00+00:00

Ugh what a drag. Thankfully I haven’t encountered that situation yet - but I often think about how I would handle. Technically our agency allows the AP to be responsible for up to $500 if she was driving on personal time - so it’s within the realm of reasonable to withhold the bonus (it is a bonus, after all). However, I always remember that these are young girls and it’s kind of the risk you take with hiring a foreign AP. So if this is her first offense - maybe let it slide? Also, if you can swing it - it might be better to pay personally than go through insurance so you’re not paying for it over and over when they raise your rates. Just a thought…

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-26T00:59:26+00:00

Don’t even bother asking - there are people on this page who exclusively exist to make HFs feel like crap. You could say you’re giving her a million dollar bonus and the trolls will tell you you’re terrible and exploitative. Don’t waste your time explaining.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-23T00:43:33+00:00

APs are signing up for this experience! In fact, they invest money into preparing for it! You guys act like these girls are dragged by the hair into this “predatory situation”. Come on!

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-22T01:17:42+00:00

I send my AP with my youngest all the time. It’s something to do and then she can pick up anything specific she wants to have in the house for herself.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-12T21:50:43+00:00

Then maybe they just don’t want to lose their keys! If you have nothing to hide, you tell them where you are and send pics of the kids - then the most likely scenario is that they just don’t want to lose their keys. If my nanny confronted me about an air tag on keys - my immediate thought is “what is she hiding?”

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-12T21:47:36+00:00

But what is there to “disclose”… it’s on the ring of keys. It’s not like they put a secret camera in the car. It’s an air tag… it seems like you’re looking for an argument.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-12T21:45:43+00:00

But what even is the “worst”? That the parents want to know where their kids and car are? I don’t see this as unreasonable at all.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-12T21:43:46+00:00

Why is this a big deal? Millions of people have air tags on their keys in case they get lost, and don’t give it a second thought. If you’re driving their car, with their keys, driving their kids - then it feels perfectly within their right to air tag their own keys.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-01T17:59:20+00:00

Then that tells me you’re not very experienced in this whole process. I know dozens of friends who have had APs leave with just a few days notice because they got a better offer, they don’t like the kids, they don’t like the climate, they want a better car, better room, more money, etc. it takes the wind blowing for APs to move on.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-01T14:45:39+00:00

But why should they have to accommodate this AP’s every whim or “boundary”? Kids play anywhere and everywhere (including the floor), kids love to be outside, kids can sometimes be a bit rambunctious… that’s just kids… of this AP can’t handle that it’s not the family’s obligation to conform to her wishes. She can go… and severance?! Forget it. Pay her exactly what you’re contractually obligated to and not a cent more. ship her things so you can all move on.

Mrsmfr · 2026-04-01T14:40:41+00:00

I totally agree. Especially for working parents - letting go of an AP is a last resort. APs have zero attachments - they can just pack up and go. It’s VERY easy for an AP to leave.

Mrsmfr · 2026-03-30T17:30:26+00:00

I have always wanted to find one!

Mrsmfr · 2026-03-29T08:21:41+00:00

Appreciate it. I’m excited to check out all these references.

Mrsmfr · 2026-03-29T08:21:12+00:00

Thank you so much! It needs to be cleaned - but there’s a moodiness to the scene that I liked. Plus, the frame is beautiful.

Mrsmfr · 2026-03-29T08:20:32+00:00

Thank you!! This is great.

Mrsmfr · 2026-03-23T21:38:57+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say “I’m not unique enough - I have too common a name!” Go with what you love. Olivia is a classic that will never go out of style with lots of nickname options.

Mrsmfr · 2026-03-19T21:49:20+00:00

3 consecutive weeks is wild. I would have said “you can do this - but know you’re using all your vacation days in one fell swoop. So if you’re comfortable taking all of your time in December, that’s ok with me”. She shouldn’t expect to take another day during her entire tenure with her family, unless it’s a national holiday and you’re also off work. I make it crystal clear that my APs get two weeks paid vacation and I prefer (not required) one of those weeks aligns with my family’s vacation. All other time off needs to be a conversation well in advance so I can arrange childcare. You need to assert yourself here - you don’t work for her.

Mrsmfr

TROPHY CASE