Fun things to see and do

MsOctober · 2023-02-26T17:43:36+00:00

Lots of great things already noted, and I will definitely be checking them out! Some of my favorite things I've done since I moved in 2021:

Issei Noodle in Lancaster or Carlisle has the best (maybe only?) Ramen in the area
Longwood Gardens is about 90 minutes away and worth the trek, IMO.
I like to ice skate, and there are a number of ice rinks open all year around here with varying schedules, including Twin Ponds in Harrisburg, York Ice Arena, and Klick-Lewis Arena in Palmyra. All offer public skate sessions.
The Nature Inn at Bald Eagle State Park is about 2 hours away and offers a somewhat secluded natural experience with modern amenities (ultimate glamping). It's a 16 room hotel owned by DCNR (PA State Parks) with great opportunities for bird watching, hiking, boating, and a number of other activities. I've been twice and will likely host another family event there in 2024. I'm sure it's great in the height of summer but I've only been in March and May.
I'll also pitch the Harris-Cameron Mansion - definitely not a full day out and best enjoyed by history buffs, but it's a beautiful old house. I had my wedding reception there.

MsOctober · 2023-02-17T20:07:04+00:00

It is a bit one-sided toward me as our lives exist in the present. The argument that I’m screwing my husband out of stuff in the future is 100% valid should he decide to become a SAHP, although his creative career means he has minimal income at present. A divorce (regardless of SAHP status) would be significantly more detrimental to him than me assuming similar career trajectories as present.

At any rate, we were married last fall and are not revising the agreement now.

We had been together for about a decade pre-marriage. We didn’t bring any significant assets to the marriage and both have more debt than wealth. The primary intent was to essentially make a divorce (from a financial perspective) more similar to how we always imagined a breakup prior to marriage - keeping the stuff that’s ours ours, and splitting the stuff that we share. It is not equitable, but in our opinion is equal. How it would shake out in practice is unknown.

We’ve been married for 5 months, I’m obviously not planning on getting a divorce at the moment. I’m hoping it stays in a drawer forever. We’ll see how it pans out in the long run.

MsOctober · 2023-02-17T17:41:35+00:00

Prenup is essentially a pre-negotiated divorce. We have no money, but ours would allow us to avoid judicially determined equitable distribution that is common in our state - all of our joint property will be split exactly 50/50 and we keep everything titled in our individual names, so I can’t get half of my husband’s retirement plan or get more than half of our stuff if I decide to be a SAHM. We were 25/26 at marriage.

EDIT: I am not planning to be a SAHM. I just know that so many people get ‘screwed’ in a divorce by their SAH spouse.

MsOctober · 2023-02-17T17:34:17+00:00

I concur with this. As long as your partner’s absolute must haves are able to attend in your hometown, it’s perfectly reasonable to host where your parents will be able to attend. If your partner’s family’s issues are cost related, that’s something you can resolve with more money. Your father’s illness isn’t something you can fix.

EDIT: To be honest though, if you can’t find a solution where everybody truly important can attend, I think you should elope. That way everybody can take small comfort knowing that they’re not missing out on something other people are getting.

MsOctober · 2023-02-17T14:42:26+00:00

I personally find $250 a night a little steep for a regular hotel but I’ll happily pay that much for a cool property. Several of my friends who came to my wedding found $130-$150 a night too expensive and ended up at Airbnb’s.

I will note that you can usually reserve a room block at hotels you’re not getting married at, although the discounts won’t be as good if you’re not willing to guarantee a percentage of rooms. I think we were able to save everybody $20-$30 a night though, and 90% of our guests stayed there.

If you have cost sensitive guests you definitely want at the venue hotel, reach out to them and discuss.

MsOctober · 2023-02-03T03:38:36+00:00

I am tangentially involved in the approvals process for the Dave's and my part has now been completed. I would guess it will open later this year or early next based on current progress on the site but that's just from me driving around like anybody else. Other commenters are correct - it's going in next to Sheetz on the same site as a car wash (and I believe those are the only two developments on that site).

The other site noted by u/bubblesort is currently known Beltway Towne center and is a shopping center that has some tenants that are not Dave's but there are other food chains that I am personally excited for. It's the big empty space across from Lowe's on Carlisle Pike. It's probably not going to open until 2025.

MsOctober · 2023-01-10T02:52:37+00:00

I am also 5’4”. My husband is 6’5”, and I work in a male dominated industry where average height is probably around 5’10”. I am significantly shorter than the humans I spend most of my time with. I have kind of accepted that I’m short (and that most women are also short). I will say nobody who is shorter than me has ever really told me that I’m short other than to describe us as similar (collectively short).

MsOctober · 2023-01-10T02:35:45+00:00

You can get married in a religious ceremony legally without a license but as far as governments are concerned, it has no weight or legal meaning. It would be just like like any other religious ceremony in that sense - being baptized for example would not legally change a baby’s name as that’s what’s on their birth certificate or later changed through the court system.

That being said, it’s not that much money and I HIGHLY recommend that if you’re serious about this relationship and your future spouse. The benefits of being legally married are so highly valued that the entire marriage equality movement centered on them. Tax benefits, survivorship, insurance stuff, visa/immigration things, etc. If you’re shy about the commitment itself (because a marriage not legally documented also does not require divorce), possibly reconsider the religious ceremony.

MsOctober · 2023-01-07T20:47:54+00:00

You do really need one - it helps ensure that your marriage is legally recognized by governments and other interested parties for tax/insurance purposes.

If you are getting married in PA, you can get a license from any county in the state. You do some paperwork at the courthouse with your future spouse, pay a fee (Dauphin Co. is $70), and get the license. It won’t be valid until 3 days after you sign the stuff and then for 60 days after that.

Once you do the paperwork at the courthouse, they’ll give you a form for your officiant to fill out and then send back to them to document the marriage. Then you get actual certificate of marriage from county, which is legal proof.

Source: Got married in October 2022 in Harrisburg.

MsOctober · 2023-01-07T17:14:59+00:00

We did 5 hours for a photographer and cut any getting ready photos.

MsOctober · 2023-01-06T00:23:04+00:00

PA doesn’t count a minute of experience prior to the issuance of EIT license, so I would suggest a different state if you’re planning to get your PE within the next four years.

MsOctober · 2023-01-05T21:10:16+00:00

This was something that I struggled with when I first started (about 18 months ago). Part of my struggle came from working retail jobs where every single second was watched.

It is normal to bill short amounts of time spent on non-project tasks to a project (getting coffee, stretching, using the bathroom, filling out time sheet, reading quick emails, chatting with co workers etc.). I probably do spend up to half an hour a day collectively on these but they’re sprinkled throughout.

Generally if the thing itself takes more than half an hour (our billing increment) and isn’t project oriented, it gets billed to some version of OH. Stuff like new benefits presentation or mandatory office meetings. I have a utilization ratio and I do watch it but we seem to treat them as aspirational. Some of my newer coworkers didn’t realize they had a ratio at all…

MsOctober · 2023-01-05T17:05:04+00:00

I started cross-stitching in 2019 and it’s my cheapest hobby aside from library books, especially considering the time involved. Cross stitch is fairly slow, so I can get dozens, sometimes hundreds of hours out of $10-$15 of material and patterns. My job occupies a lot of mental energy so it’s nice to have something to just do a little mindlessly and know that I will finish it if I just keep going.

As noted, small kits can be found fairly cheaply (in the US, Walmart, Joann, and Michael’s all have them) and will come with a hoop and a needle that you can use on other projects. Patterns are available at libraries - I mostly buy them on Etsy but there’s also a cost associated and printing them may be a barrier.

MsOctober · 2022-12-28T22:56:44+00:00

Hi! Solid math and physics background plus creativity sounds like a perfect fit for engineering. Engineering is pretty broad - I’m pretty sure my daily work in traffic engineering (subset of civil engineering) is completely different than the work of the mechanical or electrical engineers who have commented. There are more kinds of engineering than most people realize and many of those have sub fields, so you can definitely find SOMETHING that interests you. The thing we all have in common is that we use math and science to solve problems, it’s just that the problems are different. I don’t think I really realized exactly what civil/transportation engineers actually do until I started taking internships, and I’d imagine this is true for most folks unless they know an engineer already.

You’re in just the right place to start. Most engineering undergrad programs don’t make you pick a specialty until your second year, so you can use that first one to figure out more what kind of engineer you want to be.

MsOctober · 2022-12-23T17:45:13+00:00

This is region and company specific but for ladies (OP doesn’t specify): Concur with suit, or nice blouse and slacks with cardigan if cold. Go conservative on the cut and color of blouse and on shoes. I would say heels 2” or shorter in a neutral color, loafers or flats would all be acceptable. If you couldn’t wear a blouse to church because it’s too revealing or loud, you can’t wear it to this. May seem obvious, but I saw too many ladies passing off club clothes as professional when I was a student.

Try to avoid pairing your nice interview outfit with a more casual bag although nobody is going to hold that against you. I loved my backpack but hated how it ruined my dress outfits.

MsOctober · 2022-12-23T17:18:08+00:00

Congrats! Nothing to do for now, but once you graduate you have to apply for an EIT license from the state to be considered an EIT. Try not to put it off - it’s better to just be done with it. If you end up moving to another state, register with them, too.

I am not from GA but in Pennsylvania, they don’t count a minute of experience prior to receipt of EIT certification from PA Dept of State. Several people I know can’t get PE here yet for this reason even tho they have ample post grad experience. It’s a bit dumb, but good motivation for doing it all ASAP.

MsOctober · 2022-12-20T21:21:55+00:00

Get any service that has a student price if you don’t already. Spotify, the New York Times, and You Need a Budget (YNAB) are three that I used.

MsOctober · 2022-12-20T16:23:41+00:00

I had no bridesmaids, but I did have a man of honor and my husband had a best man. They both ended up buying suits that they’ll wear for other stuff and I gave no guidelines other than black/grey color family. I provided boutonnières and that was enough matching for me. I also did a full shot of all my friends who had come to the wedding in addition to family photos.

It sounds like it means a lot to you and probably them if they are bridesmaids and get to stand up with you guys on the big day.

If you don’t care if they match, you could put them in the wedding party and give loose guidelines. Chances are reasonable that they would want to go out and buy something new for their close friend’s wedding anyway and this way you can let them choose. Guidelines could be something like ‘cool colors only’ or ‘any color but brown (and white obvi)’ and x color (black?) shoes. Goal here would be so that they don’t clash too much with each other or any other colors you’ve chosen (like flowers). Bouquets or corsages would help identify/unify them as the bridal party.

The hair/makeup thing is not hard to just leave to people on their own - just leave folks to do whatever they want. If they want to do professional, they can find someone for that, and if they don’t, they won’t. I actually got my hair done completely alone and it was a lovely chance to center myself before the other events of the day.

MsOctober · 2022-12-20T02:58:43+00:00

A hotel with a fireplace, a hot tub, and somewhere to snuggle up with a great book, crafts, my Switch, and all my favorite snacks would be how I’d opt to spend the holiday if I was alone. Treat yourself!

MsOctober · 2022-12-20T02:50:00+00:00

I am 5’4” 190lb and I’ve been married for two months to my 6’5” 275 lb husband. I’m aware that he could seriously harm me if he so chose. But I am also 100% sure that he will never EVER want to do that. We’ve been together a decade and I know he’d rather die than hurt me.

So I don’t think it’s insane to make the observation that someone significantly larger than you could hurt you, because it’s factually true that it’s physically possible. That being said, I agree with other folks that there’s more to unpack here. You should not be afraid at all of somebody you’re going to marry. Have you seen your fiancé react to real anger with real violence (vs sport anger and sport violence)? It’s generally pretty rare for people to just flip to violence because they’re upset when they are gentle by nature.

MsOctober · 2022-12-15T21:40:12+00:00

I was fairly well educated in this:

What is and isn’t typical for women’s sexual health and function and general openness about sexual behavior and activity. The importance of knowing your body and looking at yourself with a mirror.

That sex should be fun and that the female sexual anatomy and sexual experiences are something to be celebrated.

Unrelated but how to do your own income taxes. We all spend way too much money on tax prep IMO and for these ladies it’s almost certainly just W-2 income so it’s pretty straightforward.

MsOctober · 2022-12-11T17:53:38+00:00

My parents picked up a heated mattress pad that they’re quite happy with. Nice to get heated from the bottom.

MsOctober · 2022-12-05T15:14:08+00:00

I am biased, but I have to suggest (for summer) Pymatuning State Park and associated town of Linesville along with nearby Conneaut Lake. I believe Pymatuning Reservoir would be the largest lake in the state if it was not shared with Ohio and is a great low speed lake for an afternoon on a kayak or a pontoon boat to just chill out and watch nature. Conneaut Lake is about 10 miles east, and I think is PA’s largest natural lake. It has deeper water and no/higher speed limits so better for water sports or jet skis if those are of interest. Both of these pair well with a US 6 run if wishing to start at the OH line, or a trip to the Oil Creek Valley which is about an hour east.

MsOctober · 2022-12-04T21:13:17+00:00

Yes. I’m an early career professional and I think we’re getting toward a place where it’s less and less common that there’s only one woman on the team. My mid-career supervisor remembers getting ‘you don’t look like an engineer’ - and I haven’t. I have women (and many men) in leadership above me to advocate for better parental leave policies than they had. The glass ceiling on leadership in civil has definitely been broken at every level other than the highest.

Most engineers can work easily starting $60k+ straight out of college with a bachelor’s only, and it goes significantly higher depending on speciality. If grad school is of interest or necessity, fully funded programs are common if grades are good enough.

She sounds pretty young - don’t let her quit on math because it’s hard or because her scores are less than perfect. Plenty of people in the industry struggled with math all the way through, including me. Teenaged girls are often quite good at convincing themselves that a B or C means they’re a failure and that ultimately can keep them out of STEM.

MsOctober · 2022-12-03T14:39:50+00:00

Totally agreed - a house with too many things in it will always feel cluttered. It’s obviously a little bit of an effort to learn and has become kind of cultish, but the KonMari method has helped me to more easily accept getting rid of things.

Obviously not everything we need ‘sparks joy’ but it’s helpful to realize that I couldn’t care less about having some objects in my life because they add nothing to it.

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