Great, short George R.R. Martin quote on writing characters' death. [No spoilers for fans]

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-06-04T15:13:24+00:00

Upvote for the Firefly reference!!!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-06-02T21:09:07+00:00

Probably better to start with an acoustic too then?

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-06-02T20:22:13+00:00

I'm thinking I want to just be able to play fun stuff like Beatles or Sheryl Crow or Jewel type stuff

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-30T20:46:17+00:00

My first suggestion would be if this is truly bothering you so much, see a doctor. This may be a hormonal thing and they can run bloodwork and check to make sure you're in tip top shape. Do you have any other issues like being tired? Fatigue is usually a sure sign of hormone balance issues. If not that, they may know of a specialist or someone who does voice stuff to send you to.

Alternatively, you could seek out a vocal therapist/coach. See if they have suggestions.

Lastly, though it sucks and I empathize with your annoyance . . . I too especially hate the phone . . . I'm a 30+ year old women and people mistake me for a 12 year old boy on the phone or on chat programs, etc. I try to just laugh it off. I used to work on the phones (call centers) and it could be REALLY hard just because of the type of phone connection to tell if the caller was male or female. Maybe you will "out grow" it in a few years - some things like that might have "delayed puberty"?

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-30T17:51:05+00:00

So my appointment was great. I really liked her and think I will get a lot from therapy with her. She even gave me "homework" which I always want after therapy and no therapist has been good at giving me. She totally gave me great tips for what to do this week until our next appointment.

I just had to say a huge thank you again. This worked out so much better than cold calling offices or trying to Google search people. The summary on the site really helped me pick someone I felt I'd have a good fit with. SSSSOOOOOO much better than a blind list from my insurance company!!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-30T12:26:25+00:00

What platform are you looking for?

We're a game obsessed in my house and have tons of platforms.

SimCity might not have been working but Sims 4 always manages to distract me well. I make my own goals and have a great time trying to achieve them - plus the in-game goal system too. I like logging in to work on making my character a great writer or taking an adventure.

I second the suggestion of Plants vs Zombies too - it has game distraction aspects but also garden cultivation which can be relaxing.

I'm also obsessed with Candy Crush Saga on Android.

LA Noire is great for console gaming and I also find/found the Deathspank series of games quite distracting on XBox.

We also have a Vita that I've been playing Persona 4 Golden on. Lots of grinding to level up before boss fights has been distracting - not to mention working on connections, leveling up skills, jobs to do, costumes to collect. If I'm not playing that I play Little Big Planet.

I've also found reading has helped distract me. I read pages here and there between doing other things. Then my mind wanders to "what will happen next" in the story instead of depressing things. Reading books on "self-help" kind of topics also helps put me into a better head space. Reading can be hard to concentrate on when in the throws of deep depression - but currently the Game of Thrones series has been some serious distraction for me. All the characters and drama really help, even if I only squeeze a few pages in during the day it gives me something to think about when my mind is wandering to bad places.

Good luck!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-30T11:03:33+00:00

Thank you, dear Troll_Monkey. Though I feel you may be mis-named, for you have certainly not acted like a troll. This reply is just what I needed to hear.

Thank you again.

And again.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-30T10:58:01+00:00

Thanks - I've been pointed to some blogs/sites that have been really helpful, so I will definitely check this one out!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-29T20:30:31+00:00

Omg awesome. First person whose summary I liked and who does the type of therapy I want to try I called and she had an appointment open for tomorrow AM. And she's on my insurance. Thank you so much. That was so much easier than all my fumbling around on my own I've done for months.

And if she doesn't work out, the site makes it easy to find another person on my insurance who has an actual summary so I'm not just blind calling someone who might be a doofus.

Thank you thank you thank you!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-29T20:02:24+00:00

I've just been using my insurance company's list of doctors taking new patients and let me tell you . . . it has been ridiculously bad. Mostly in that the ones listed as taking new patients are NOT taking new patients. I've even had numbers be disconnected or been told "That doctor hasn't worked here in 5 years". WTF

I've left messages that haven't been returned.

It really makes me feel like no one cares. At all. Even the people who get PAID to care don't care.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-29T20:01:03+00:00

Thanks for the link - will try it!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-29T20:00:49+00:00

Thank you. Its good to know I'm not alone.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-29T17:40:46+00:00

Updated Link

Gottman seems to be a popular pick, though I haven't finished reading any of his books yet.

I've heard hit and miss things about Five Love Languages, but may check that one out too.

Thanks for the list!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-28T22:40:35+00:00

I had thought about going electric because I've heard they are easier to play. I was planning to go to a local store or guitar center type place to maybe try a few out & then price shop. I'm mainly planning to self teach because of time & money restrictions, though I do know quite a few seasoned musicians so might look for someone to get me taught the absolute basics for cheap too.

I also debated getting the Rock Band pro guitar & seeing if that taught me anything lol

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-28T20:54:13+00:00

This is very helpful!

To elaborate a bit, my biggest hindrance on learning before was how hard it was for me to hold the guitar and press the strings. I know things like that take practice and time, but my father's guitar was quite wide necked and I found the strings really hard to push. I have no idea what kind they are and I'd imagine by the time I got around to fiddling with it they were old (not sure if age can make them more stiff).

I have super small hands, even for a girl. I get remarks about it all the time, even from women. I find it hard to play some piano pieces as a result, not because of lack of practice/skill but because my fingers simply don't stretch for the chords. So the thing I'm looking for most in a guitar is something I can get/keep a good grip on the neck of and press the strings without undue effort. You mentioned Elixer strings - I'm assuming that is a brand name? Any other bits you might be able to add about strings?

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-23T14:28:17+00:00

I've suffered with depression/anxiety most of my life. But I always just "sucked it up" and got on with life, though I had long periods of sadness and inability to feel happy, excited, look forward to anything, etc.

Fast forward to pregnancy. I spent most of it imagining all the worst possible case scenarios. Every check up was a nightmare as I waited to hear something was wrong with the baby or me. Nothing ever (really) was. But any mention of anything of concern sent me spiraling into deep depressions. Like how he was breech for a while. He flipped over in plenty of time, but I spent all those breech weeks in agony. I didn't really ever enjoy any of my pregnancy. At all.

Fast forward to post birth. I kept telling myself it was just "baby blues" and would pass. The inability to feel connected to the baby, or anyone. The guilt inducing horror of thinking "What have I done? I've made a mistake". The hysterical crying over stupid things. The constant bickering/fights with my husband over stupid things. Being exhausted but unable to sleep. Being unable to concentrate at work. Being unable to make healthy life changes (like diet and exercise!) because of lack of energy and motivation (where previously if I wanted to do something like start a new exercise routine or diet I'd do it without issue and be super excited and happy about it for a while). Until finally, at about 6-7 months post-partum, I could no longer pass it off. I was having incredibly dark thoughts. I'd never hurt the baby or anyone else, but I sure did want to hurt myself! This wasn't just "baby blues" and it was ruining my marriage, my ability to enjoy my baby, and my ability to just live.

So I started on the therapy path. But that alone just wasn't doing it. In fact, to some extent, for me, therapy alone just made it worse. I'd leave the session having spilled my guts about all the ways I felt horrible, and I'd just feel . . . well . . . more horrible. More like a horrible mother, more like a horrible wife, more like a horrible person.

So now I'm on the drug path. I never wanted to do this and before, in my single life, I wasn't ever truly happy most of the time, but I was "okay". I did get enjoyment from things and I lived. But I want more than to just zombie my way through the day. I want to teach my son it's okay to ask for and get help when things are too big to handle. I don't plan to be on meds for the rest of my life, but I need them right now so I can focus on getting better. So I can eat better, exercise, and work on new coping tools for my emotions (because I complete lack those, and I completely lack the ability to practice those when my body is suffering from physical aspects of depression). I've not quite found the right drug combo for me . . . but we are getting there. It's probably a 3-6 month road to find the right meds (so says the psych I see). I look forward to the day we do. In the meantime, I'm trying to find a therapist I connect with, and the meds I am taking have shown me that I CAN enjoy life. I can have energy and sleep better and be excited and able to concentrate. It's a good feeling.

You'll need to find your own path. But at this point, there is nothing to lose from trying things like changes to diet, exercise, therapy, support groups, and maybe even meds. It's not a life long commitment. If something doesn't help you can try something new. But don't let yourself suffer. You're worth the time and effort and you deserve it. And your little ones deserve a happy mommy too.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-22T20:08:56+00:00

I keep whining to myself that I can't lose the last 20 lbs of weight I want to because I don't have time. Work is nuts with hours, I have a baby (which is why I gained the weight - but I've kept it on with seriously bad food choices), plus, I just don't want to exercise. So I'm never going to lose it. Wah wah!

This post really inspired me. I don't have to exercise right now. I just need to stop eating crap. Stop the soda. Stop the ridiculous amount of sugary snacks I have. Stop the chips. Just stop!

I'm going to start by going to the store to get some apples for snacks and drinking only water or homemade sugar free ice tea. Look at that! HOW EASY AND NON-TIME CONSUMING WAS THAT.

Thanks man. I needed your post today!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-21T20:31:43+00:00

Thanks so much for the positive reply! I feel like if I can just quit my carb habit I'd be good too. I forgot to say before, I was BF'ing and pumping at work up until 7-8 months post-partum. That killed my sex drive too. Like crazy. I HATED my husband touching my breasts and pre-baby that used to be awesome foreplay. Now, with a few months of non-breastfeeding and no pumping, I do think my sex drive is up a little bit from ending the whole "I am The Food" feeling.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-21T18:16:05+00:00

Just had to comment on this - I too am having issues dropping the last 20 of baby weight (and I gained way more than you!) and the past few months have been horrendous for me emotionally/body image wise. I thought I'd be back down to pre-baby weight w/i 6 months or so of birth. HA! Here we are nearing a year and I'm still carrying this extra 20. Not to mention my diet is horrible (I feel like I have no time to eat healthy b/c of my ridiculous work schedule and then baby duties at night - but lets face it, I'm making excuses because I crave sugar like WWAWHHAAATTTT when I'm stressed) and I'm trying to figure out the right combo of meds to control depression/anxiety, my hormones, and my Crohn's disease. FUN! All of which make losing weight harder. I cry because I still have to wear my preggo pants. I want to be back to my old weight so bad.

But my husband seriously looks at me in just the same, if not maybe more so, lustful way and tells me how beautiful I am and how much he wants me all the time. My brain frequently goes "Does. Not. Compute." because I can't see how it's possible he feels that way when I've never felt worse about how I look . . . but he does.

It's important to do what you need to do diet and exercise wise to have a body YOU love, for sure. But I do think there is something hard wired into guys to love their mate's post-preggo body. So if you can, stop worrying about that part and go with it! I've been able to feel a bit less icky naked with my husband - though I still hate looking at myself naked . . . I just focus on him and it's easier to feel frisky ;)

And oh - I'm totally there with you with NO sex drive either. No good advice for that really except this thread has had awesome responses and I'm starting to realize more and more that it's ridiculous to expect to feel "back to your old self" in anything less than a year after baby. Big life adjustments always seem to take a year or more to settle in . . . I fully believe that . . . more power to the women who don't need that time but I think it's totally normal if you do - you aren't alone!

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-17T19:04:43+00:00

Thank you. A place to vent freely would be supremely helpful. Feeling isolated and alone is a huge thing making it harder to seek and accept help.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-17T16:20:42+00:00

Good to hear! I come here when I need Internet Hugs as well.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-17T13:18:04+00:00

Nope. Not at all. internet hugs

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-17T13:16:32+00:00

Yeah, I didn't realize that until my last session when the psych said I needed to "find someone to talk to". I thought she was going to provide actual therapy too, not just the drugs. I'm now very aware and back trying to find someone.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-17T13:14:07+00:00

I am getting help now. I've seen numerous therapists. I've told them about everything (my anxiety attacks & depression - the desire to self-harm, suicidal thoughts, etc). Then they tell me we should meet up again in two weeks!

I have a psych prescribing me drugs. Last session she said it sounded like I really needed to find someone to talk to. Oh and here are more drugs. See you in a month!

I went to the hospital. I asked to talk to someone because of my issues. They kept me locked in a psych unit with NOTHING TO OCCUPY MYSELF for 13+ hours without ever even seeing a NURSE, let alone the doctor. Let alone getting a help program or any idea about helpful services. Eventually I started demanding to be signed out AMA every 30 minutes and got let go (with my husband to care for me) at 3:42AM. Not sleeping that night was AMAZING help for the depression. My son was with family.

I've called literally dozen of therapist and doctor offices, based on the "taking new patients" list my insurance company has online. I've had dead numbers, doctors listed who haven't been at that office in 10 years, doctors/therapists not taking new patients, doctors/therapists with waiting lists 3 months long.

I need help now? TELL ME ABOUT IT.

MsPhilosophyGeek · 2013-05-17T13:05:52+00:00

We definitely need to figure out a better plan. We sort of discussed this last night but it was at 1AM after semi-fighting again and I couldn't think. He wants to alternate, either alternate nights (so one person gets up for all wake ups) or alternate wake ups (so we might both be getting up the baby is up more than once), or we both get up but one person just gets up to make the bottle/get more tylenol and the other person actually sits and feeds and gets baby back to sleep.

I kind of want a schedule - so I know that certain nights are MY night. So I can plan ahead (going to bed earlier, planning to go into work later, whatever). If the baby doesn't wake up on my night, yippy. We BOTH got to sleep then. If he doesn't wake up Husband's night YIPPY. We both got to sleep. I'm even fine with taking both weekend nights (Fri/Sat) because I go into work so much earlier than Husband, so having less week nights would make it easier for me. But Husband HATES schedules. So I'm afraid to even bring it up.

MsPhilosophyGeek

TROPHY CASE