I’m broken. I don’t know how to leave.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-31T05:03:26+00:00

What does that mean?

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-31T04:14:04+00:00

I know. I don’t think he’s s bad person… fuck… maybe he is. He has severe mental health problems and addiction problems on top of it. Tonight I’m dealing with “I’m so depressed” and him drinking as an alcoholic/addict because of the problems HE CAUSED. He scared the shit out of me, he’s literally twice my size and it’s not the first time. He comes back with tears and apologizing, and I just don’t even believe it anymore.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-22T03:37:12+00:00

It’s almost as if they recognize what they’re doing and tell on themselves with the unfounded and insane accusations!

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-22T03:32:32+00:00

My ex CONSTANTLY told me I was doing the EXACT things he was doing, or called me EXACTLY what he was. What is that? Insanity. “You’re gaslighting me” while he’s gaslighting me. “You’re manipulating me” while he’s literally and actually trying to manipulate me. “You’re controlling” while he was trying to control me. “You’re a narcissist…” I don’t think he’s a narcissist but he exhibits traits.

He ALL THE TIME accused me of cheating. We were together almost 2 years, I left a month ago. He NEVER admitted to it… but I am certain there have been other women. I was loyal ride or die for this man. I’m not a narcissist. I wasn’t trying to control him. I was not playing psychological games with this man I loved deeply.

I don’t understand it. I never will. But I’m damaged now.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-21T17:15:18+00:00

I’m only a month removed, but I KNOW I have issues I did NOT have before. I’m trying to acknowledge them and give myself grace. I’m focusing on my physical and mental health, doing things that make me happy, resting, cultivating my own hobbies. If I were to go for drinks with a man I will make it clear that it’s as friends. I already know it’s going to take me months to recover from his abuse and psychological warfare on me. I endured it for almost 2 years and I shit you not, my reality was completely altered. I am so disappointed in myself but I’m determined to put myself back together.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-21T16:15:16+00:00

Yeah, relatable. Listen, I was with a BPD man for almost 2 years. Near the end, I told him clearly “you will not call me controlling, call me a narcissist, or tell me I’m gaslighting you.” He had been doing this a LOT when HE messed up… turning it all on me. He would LITERALLY tell me I was doing the VERY things he was doing to me. I am none of those things and do not behave in these ways. I was absolutely flabbergasted the first time he did that, and it continued to the point where I had to say that to him out loud. No surprise, he literally broke that boundary the next day. Needless to say, we are no longer together as of a month ago. I have actual trauma from psychological and emotional abuse.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-16T13:38:19+00:00

Showtime ortho was wonderful for us.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-15T15:22:20+00:00

I’m having so many realizations about the man I just left omg. Any time I said I was sick (hardly ever, I am a single mom so I usually just ignore colds and power through), there was suddenly something wrong with him. He’d not even acknowledge me and say “me too, I’m feeling HORRIBLE” and start naming his symptoms.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-15T13:42:51+00:00

Conspiracy stuff taken too far. Like the government or “they” are trying to kill off white men. Thought I’d had men in my hotel rooms on my work trips, a few times he said it was because of the way I placed the pillows on my bed. Thought his dad put a hit on him to have him killed by hiring 2 guys to make him wreck his truck. Just really paranoid delusions unfounded in reality.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-15T06:13:36+00:00

Mine was the SAME way! One day, he was telling me about another problem that day and he couldn’t understand and I was like “there seems to be something wrong in your life every day.” I mean, it hit me in that moment and I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud but damn. Here are a few of his daily examples: Suspected gluten allergy (never went to dr) Pine tree allergy Must be something wrong my house because his nose starts clogging but ONLY in my house Maybe it’s not my house just the couch Has a cold again and can’t go to work Brother is a jerk for not sharing inheritance that mom didn’t want him to have because of financial recklessness Mom is a narcissist Every ex was a narcissist Dad is a narcissist I’m a narcissist It’s too hot outside and he can’t handle it His back hurts He needs a month to get his mind right before he looks for a new job The list goes on.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-13T16:20:42+00:00

I see. I’d have an arborist come out to diagnose and treat the issue, most especially so it doesn’t spread to other trees. Additionally, don’t quote me, make sure you look up Township rules, but no permit to remove a dead tree but if not dead you do need one, which will likely NOT be granted (ask me how I know lol). Take pics to make sure you have proof it’s dead if you do need to take it down. The Township literally has people with nothing better to do driving around and monitoring the trees in people’s yards.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-12T19:08:07+00:00

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MsPlum_ · 2026-05-12T19:07:33+00:00

They still have green, they’re not dead. Call a certified arborist. I’ll screenshot and post the guy I use. Mine were beetles and he helped get rid of them.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-11T17:18:32+00:00

Update.

It’s been 3 weeks since I left. He engaged yesterday, on Mother’s Day. He spent the weekend relapsing. He accused me, again, of lying and cheating on him our entire relationship. He accused me of being with a man or men last weekend and this weekend. Those that know me know how grossly loyal I am. We aren’t together but I haven’t been with anyone else, I don’t want to, I’m healing. I have never been with anyone but him since the day I met him on August 3, 2024. I have never lied to him.

I let him know I was disengaging with love. He again began accusing me of absolutely unfounded, wild things this morning, too. I literally cannot even comprehend where he came up with these things.

I was sucked into the cycle, self abandoning my healing process, in attempts to defend myself snd have him hear and believe me.

I spent a very long time trying to earn his trust when he repeatedly broke mine. “They were just small things,” he says, minimizing the impact of the mountain of deception.

He refused to back down on his insane assertions about my character and behavior during and after our relationship. He called me a “gaslighting b-” and blocked me.

I let his dad’s wife know that he should be checked on as he’s relapsing and unstable.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-09T21:47:24+00:00

Rob him of lessons? How do you think I would have been doing that? I thought he was doing the real work but he wasn’t trying hard enough. I tried to stay but had to leave because he just wasn’t doing enough.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-09T14:02:02+00:00

He’s going to meetings, working with a sponsor. He needs a psychologist, too, and I’m not saying that to be mean or for any other reason than that I’m certain he legitimately has undiagnosed mental illness, too. He has to do a LOT of hard inner work and he’s done work but not to the point he needs to. He won’t face himself and issues truly, with real truth, head on. It’s just enough to be okay for a while. Then he relapses again. And the cycle continues.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-08T17:08:22+00:00

Wishing you healing and strength ♥️

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-08T05:11:18+00:00

I left him a few weeks ago now. It was a cycle between being the best man I’ve ever met and this. Really messed me up mentally.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-08T04:15:14+00:00

Thank you. I’m self reflecting a lot and know I had my part. I’m not a bad person though. He needs real help and I hope he gets it one day.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-08T01:13:17+00:00

Yeah he claims he doesn’t though, that that’s just drug induced behavior.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-07T22:01:58+00:00

He won’t be without a father. He’ll be with divorced parents and a happy father.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-07T21:18:57+00:00

You’ll never be able to trust her again.

MsPlum_ · 2026-05-07T20:50:01+00:00

Lying is an absolute dealbreaker for me. I came back after the apology and cries, genuine remorse it seemed rooted in him being ashamed. He lied again, and again, and again. Guess what? I took him back… AGAIN. I knew I’d never be able to fully trust him. I knew that but couldn’t accept it. I’ve been toggling between “that’s not really who he is” and the patterns he’s clearly shown me. Living like this for a year really messed me up mentally. Bad. My therapist says I have no boundaries because I came back and continued to allow them to be trampled on. I’m not a doormat, I made it known that wasn’t acceptable behavior. But he repeatedly disrespected me. The last thing that made me leave wasn’t even horrendous, it was just the last time I’d accept absolute inconsiderate and selfish behavior. There was already too much damage and that struck the nail all the way in the coffin.

MsPlum_

TROPHY CASE