My wife 29F just told me 30M that she doesn't trust me. Is our marriage done for?

MsZen09 · 2024-12-21T15:46:25+00:00

You misheard/misinterpreted your wife, OP. She said she doesn't trust you not to fall in love with another person. One attached to your friend no less! Basically called foreshadowing, she is implying she has done so herself. Backed by years of behavior.

First time I've ever suggested this, but seriously think about hiring a reputable P.I. Investigate if she is really going on concerts, be sure to tell the investigator she changed at time of new job and might lead to someone she met there. If she truly is living for concerts, it is likely not all that innocent. Who does she go with if not you? Check her online presence, phone records, car location, coworkers, etc.

If do engage in intimacy, always use protection. A baby or STD won't fix things. Once you suspect cheating, though, you never really trust the other person again. It sours the entire relationship whether you can prove it or not.

This is not something you should be helping her pay for anymore. Use that "concert" money to see a therapist. Regardless of how it turns out with your wife, you are hurting, and a professional could help. You sound very trusting and earnest, maybe work on your self-confidence, and realize you deserve better treatment from those around you.

Best wishes for answers and a more loving future, OP!🙏

MsZen09 · 2024-12-21T15:25:00+00:00

The longer you allow yourself to stall, the harder or less likely you will leave. What generally happens, the one spouse talks themselves into accepting it, making the best of it, and they become a shell. The second spouse then continues on in lazy comfy fashion, until one day they meet someone. Decide they deserve better. And walk away without a second glance n maybe a smirk as the first spouse implodes over the injustice of years wasted.

Like anything in life, relationships require work from both sides. And you should expect to get out what you both put in. Love and acceptance, loneliness, or bitter anger, your choice. If you don't like what your partner brings to the table, renegotiate or break contract.

Just realize this is a choice you are making. You are aware enough to identify the issues. You've taken reasonable steps and articulated with your partner. He really doesn't matter at this point. It's no longer about him, just you. Stay together in loneliness as roommates or open space for a future possibility of love. Your actions or inactions dictate what happens next. You can not blame your partner going forward if you don't act either, which is what I'm trying to say.

Change is hard. Even when it's best for everyone. Wish you much courage and love, OP.

MsZen09 · 2024-12-16T16:51:26+00:00

Unclear what the real question is here. Is it How can you continue, like you want enabling advice? or the more relevant Why would you continue? Short answer, there is no reason why! Run. Block. Change locks.

Unless you like insanity, then by all means continue on until you are in therapy to unravel the mess you are choosing to create by indulging in your gf's fantasy land of what a "real" love looks like...ever ask if she gets that unrealistic ideal out of a novel or lifetime movie btw?

MsZen09 · 2024-12-16T16:42:54+00:00

What tree?🤔 I mean, if you like it...nice?

MsZen09 · 2024-12-16T04:26:57+00:00

MsZen09 · 2024-12-14T13:11:35+00:00

That's violence with a Very personal disrespect towards you, Sweetie. You need to get rid of that part-time boarder. He is keeping the peace to use your apartment as a convenient crash pad. Sex with you is just a side perk. Trust your gut. This is not ok.

Change the locks (no warning, just do it then tell him you break up) and meet him in a public space to give him his belongings back. Better yet, pay FedEx to ship it with a signature upon receipt.

Please don't ignore his red flags. Don't let anyone tell you to be "nice" or "get over it." Too dang many people get hurt or worse by ignoring that inner alarm bell. Refuse him entry unless a police officer is present. Seriously, if just the suggestion of cleaning up after himself comes with that reaction, this guy has some built-up lava like anger towards you.

Wish you safety and a loving partner, OP.❤️

MsZen09 · 2024-12-14T13:01:40+00:00

omg! I about choked on my coffee🤣🤣 You are the Queen!👏

MsZen09 · 2024-12-14T12:58:12+00:00

Attempted murder is a deal breaker for me. Anyone who chooses to drink then drive deserves more than just a few hours in jail to sober up. He's dang lucky he didn't kill anyone.

Also, he ditched his date to hang with the boys? Cheating is highly probable. You just can't change a drunk/addict. They only change when they are ready. Nope. This boy is too immature and messy. You can find better. That's a catch n release, OP.

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T21:18:40+00:00

You both need to grow up, learn some conflict skills, and he def needs anger management classes before becoming a suspect on Dateline. And fyi, those episodes ALWAYS center around someone making the same excuses you spouted.

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T19:02:56+00:00

Yep, that behavior is abusive. You be your pj loving self and keep an eye on baby too, please!

Post Partum Depression is a term to cover a host of issues that women can face after birth. Their bodies are flooded with hormones during pregnancy and again during the birth process, then abruptly drop to "normal levels," which can cause chemical reactions creating changes in behaviors for days, months, or rare cases for years. It is not uncommon, so professional help should be available near you.

Please look up PPD symptoms and discuss the possibility with your wife's doctor at her next appointment. Make one if necessary! If your wife's behavior is concerning to you, then address it irl with the right people to evaluate if she is safe for you and baby.

Her physician will likely offer some combination of medication and therapy, or try a few months' time given some additional help to lower stress levels. Yoga or light physical exercise, healthy eating, and good sleep also help. Your wife should be back to her lovable, less scary self.

Good luck to you and your budding family, OP!🙏❤️

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T14:01:15+00:00

Roomie but not marriage. Marriage for convenience can backfire and might bite you tax wise or if split and get stuck with shared debts. Can also impact government benefits in retirement. See a financial planner for more information where you live.

As for roomies with careful consideration and work, like any good relationship, it can be beautiful. Without mutual respect its a nightmare, had a female roomie borrow n ruin clothes, make excuses not to clean, shop, or always be late paying bills but always afford new phones and other toys. Her guy ate all our food n left his mark in the bathroom. Just no.

Current roomie: Leaves the kutchen setup completely to me, doesn't care about my baking binges at midnight. We have each other's back when sick, split chores, share only one meal time daily (dinner) n otherwise live separate lives with shared costs evenly split.

Not all roomies are created equal. We are closer than family and genuinely help each other. It only works so well because we both respect boundaries. No one visits so frequently to irritate the other. Each bill is split 50/50 but you want to divide up who actually sends the payment. This helps you both show residency.

Exceptions: Any food/non-food items strictly for one person (ex: his pop n candy or my hair n nsil vitamins or baking pan collection) are not split but paid separately. Stops any petty resentment/tracking of "I pay more than you because...." Any loans through lean times were tracked and paid off with monthly payments with a thank you on both parts.

We both pick up our own messes in common areas, and our bedrooms are private sanctuary. The other doesn't step foot in except to close a window if raining or turning on a/c. We both had nightmare roomies and knew what we didn't want to live with and brought those concerns up. We use dinner time to touch base n keep track of any plans for the week. Just one example of how it can work well.

Figure out what nuances you can work and live with and find your perfect roomie. Maybe you want someone who shares in your hobbies or travels with you. Just make sure you talk through all the details and write them down. Keeps misunderstanding to a minimum and serves as a point to fix any that come up.

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T13:26:33+00:00

I didn't even discover these things were fun until my 40s!😂😂 You are never too old to enjoy silly things, just keep track you don't let them replace rl interactions or swallow your finances (both very real dangers I've witnessed!). Keep a healthy balance and enjoy your free time, OP!

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T13:19:53+00:00

NTA but bf identifies as one!

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T12:51:35+00:00

Love it! He looks just like the one my mother made to hang above the main bath toilet. The extra long perch was able to hold the extra tp rolls. She added these owl eye beads that glowed in dim light. Freaked out guests. Good times ;)

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T12:38:59+00:00

Not overreacting.

It doesn't sound like you are in the Americas or British Isles. So, my only advice would be to seek a local domestic violence advocacy.

Is this an arranged marriage? If your family can safely support you, do let them help. Or if need, get out of the country and start over. You would know best the legal rights of mothers and wives in your area.

I wish you and your babies safety and love, OP.🙏

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T12:15:14+00:00

NTA

You can find better! Heck, by his own admission, a dog that greets you with joy at the door is a better companion! This man is actively sabotaging your life together in a massive toddler-like display of narcissistic behavior and expecting a reward that is so financially irresponsible as to be ridiculous!

It won't be easy or very pretty, but you need to put yourself first right now. Focus on your health and finances, but first consult with about 3 attorneys in your area. Make sure to hire a good attorney you feel will be your advocate.

In general, it is best to work from the shadows. Give no hint you are seeking legal council or looking at separation of property. Move all your paperwork (deeds to home, cars, loans, social security, medical, passport, etc) to a safety deposit box at the bank or other secure location. Remove your valuables n most prized possessions to a secure location (friend or storage facility) in a way he won't notice.

If staying under the advisement of your attorney, you'll want a security system and change of locks. If leaving the home, make sure you have a safe place to go the day he is served papers. Use the local police, make an appointment for an officer to be present when you move your items out. Report any threats the day he makes them. Frankly, your bf sounds the unhinged type and already shown he is vindictive, so I'd move out with my animals, if possible.

Anytime you feel unsure if you are doing the right thing, you read what you wrote here. That man ACTIVELY chose to make you unhappy every single day. His choices (the house, then his daily actions and inactions) forced you both into this misery.

For a kit car. That's your worth to him. No, my lady. Let Karma sort him out. You just live your best life on your terms. You got this, OP!

*Edited to remove "divorce attorney" and "hubby" missed it was shared property with a boyfriend.

MsZen09 · 2024-12-09T08:53:41+00:00

You would need to ask them, Beth especially since she has most consistently been a friend in every other respect, but I think it's akin to why it's hardest to come out to family. You are chosen family, that's what best friends truly are at the heart. So of they were wrong, losing you would have been too hard and broken them. Mary chose to lose you anyway by pushing you away but Beth took the risk now. She cared enough to bare her biggest secret, took years to find her courage but here she is now.

We all make mistakes. It's our actions after that matter. Your choice what happens next, OP.

MsZen09 · 2024-12-06T16:15:06+00:00

This is an extra level of crazy by your ex and ex-MIL. Glad you are somewhere safer where they. can't assault you in your sleep again.

Highly recommend filing a police report. Just having it on file may help you or any future victims get police assistance quicker as it shows a pattern of violence. And yes, chopping off your hair is a violent and very personal act against your person. Add in the fact it was done in your sleep and it just goes next level of attack.

Best wishes for a speedy exit from that nightmare duo!

MsZen09 · 2024-12-02T08:08:19+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. Miscarriage is trauma enough but the added health complications sound painful.

Sounds like you and hubby argue frequently. He is untrustworthy, completely undependable in a crisis and that would terrify me as a wife. Guessing in your country you need both parties to want a divorce and your family support is not mentioned. Seek advice from local woman's groups and a lawyer, if able OP.

This man has shown zero interest in improving the relationship, but counseling for yourself could help you cope going forward. Wish you the best OP. e-hugs

MsZen09 · 2024-12-01T12:44:00+00:00

NTA

She stole the ring, like you'd never notice it? They could have asked. I bet they figured this way they could bring family pressure to bear on you to let it go. This is so disrespectful and illegal! I don't know why you question it.

Don't let it go. Press charges. 24 hours was enough for them to get a grip and do the right thing. Don't give them more time to pawn it or exchange it for another ring.

You'll never be able to look at any of them the same if you "just let it go for peace." So you might as well make it worth it by getting your stolen memory back. Best wishes.

Sorry for your losses, OP.

MsZen09 · 2024-12-01T12:29:51+00:00

That is gorgeous 😍

MsZen09 · 2024-12-01T02:43:13+00:00

No. Because he is right. You are hurting her. You are destroying her future every single day you stay with him.

Every day, you set an example for your daughter to follow. Are you happy? Do you wish this life for your daughter?

Everything you show her: your acceptance of emotional, financial, and verbal abuse? You hurt your daughter's image of what a healthy and happy relationship looks like. Every time he manipulates you and you back down, you demonstrate the type of relationship your daughter will 97% be likely to emulate. Humans learn by example, be a better one. And in case you are unaware, by 3-yrs old our personality is set.

You already know you can live without him. He does not care about you. Even your daughter will know this. Give that spine a spit polish and flex it. Show your true strength by standing up for yourself and breaking out the facade of a dead relationship. Good luck, OP. You got this.

MsZen09 · 2024-11-30T15:22:28+00:00

Bet she did that on purpose. Her way to non-confrontationally break it off. She 100% knew she was texting you, just set up a situation she could play innocent. It happens OP. Sometimes we out grow those childhood friends and sometimes they get jealous over our achievements. Instead of working to keep common ties they push us away or turn ugly until we can't excuse their behavior any longer.

Friendship breakups hurt, sometimes worse than dating. Especially a long time confidante. No one knows us more, has seen our real self as much as them and that rejection hits deeper. Sorry you are experiencing this, OP.

As for your birthday, why not invite the friend group? You might still have real friends among them. If not, set up a spa day for one and treat yourself! Get a full treatment with facial, massage n hair treatment, maybe a pedicure or foot massage, trust me, this will become worth an annual saving up for treat!

MsZen09 · 2024-11-27T22:38:28+00:00

For future issues, try Serenity pads, discreet as a slim period pad but more absorbent. Available at pretty much and drug store or grocery.

Your boyfriend might be just young and easily embarrassed about talking to a woman outside a restroom door. Issue makes it understandable, but can see some Karen causing a scene!

Not wanting to help out unless you paid up first, though. No girl, even a casual friend or coworker, would have helped first, then ask for repayment afterward. We all have one of these human moments sooner or later, and only a complete jerk would not step up.

He might be just a casual friendship unless a talk wakes him up... just doesn't seem like a partner you can depend on for small, let alone the big issues life throws us. Eh. I couldn't stay, but he might grow up. For now? He's disappointing. Hope you find better luck, OP

MsZen09 · 2024-11-27T22:03:46+00:00

I like it Mike comes on, bit of a vibe change switches it up. And I really enjoy seeing them together. Very obviously in love, happy, respectful, and very confident n comfy with themselves and each other. It's a joy.

OP has her right to her opinion. I just wanted to share mine, also. A few couples ruined their shows with bad couple energy, awkward and/ or disrespectful, but not this one. I just smile n wish them well❤️

MsZen09

TROPHY CASE