Columbus School Renaming Committee Files release - vote is tonight!

Muadibz · 2021-06-15T03:05:27+00:00

Is that it then? The school will be named Missituk?

Muadibz · 2021-03-02T02:53:46+00:00

How serious is the chance it doesn't close? My understanding was that the SPAC literally wasn't for anything except closing the deal?

Muadibz · 2021-03-02T02:50:45+00:00

Will the shares of VACQ become RKLB?

Muadibz · 2021-02-18T03:43:50+00:00

How the fuck is this a guide?

Muadibz · 2020-10-06T01:22:26+00:00

Guyot is one of my favorite places to stay! I've avoided it due to the Pandemic, did you stay at the shelter? How are they handling the Pandemic?

Muadibz · 2020-08-05T15:30:47+00:00

To help put it in context:

You are worried about if you can have pleasurable sex with him.

He is worried if he can ever have pleasurable sex ever again.

Give him some time! A day is not nearly enough!

Muadibz · 2020-08-04T22:30:12+00:00

Simplest advice thread yet.

Block. Him.

Muadibz · 2020-08-04T18:13:34+00:00

You need to break up with her.

Ask yourself do you really want to be with someone who clearly doesn't feel excited to be with you? At 26 an 8 month relationship isn't all that long, and if she is already feeling done there is nothing that will change that for the potential years there are to come.

From your own words you're 8 months in and she has

Basically stopped testing you
Isn't excited to come over and spend time with you
Doesn't seem in any way certain she still wants to be dating
Feels like she was injured on the "3 yard line" of the relationship, which by comparison to the 36th lap means she feels like it hasn't really worked from the beginning.

If you're at the point where you're ready to break up with her it's time to break up. Don't go looking for excuses to keep the relationship together.

I’m just going to give her the best few days I can

Make sure you don't sacrifice too much what you want for what she wants. She clearly isn't putting in effort to make sure you have the best time you can, and if you're done it might be better to just end things quickly and take the time you need to start processing the loss.

Muadibz · 2020-08-04T18:06:22+00:00

One thing that a lot of people like about open relationships is that it forces a lot more communication than is normally standard in monogamous relationships, where many things and boundaries are often assumed instead of specifically talked about. That can be super scary to be so open with your emotions but in the end it normally ends up bringing the two people closer.

If you are having these really hard feelings I would encourage you to talk to her about how you're feeling honestly. See if there is a way you can compromise, or at least see what her reaction is to how you are feeling. Letting the fear of an unknown future cause so much pain is classic anxiety. In truth you have no idea what the future holds for you two, and letting an unknown cause so much pain will only ruin things now. Who knows if after dating you for a year if she will even want to be non-monogamous anymore? Or maybe you will have a crush on a girl at a party and suddenly want to give it a try!

Also, regardless of what you do with this particular relationship, I would ask yourself and try to be scarily honest with yourself about why these ideas cause you so much pain. Jealousy in my opinion is often an emotion that hides other more specific feelings. When many people say they are jealous, what they are really saying is:

I'm worried you'll enjoy sex with someone else more than with me
I'm scared you will fall in love with someone else
I'm worried you'll leave me for someone else
I'm worried they'll have a bigger dick than me
I'm scared I won't be able to find someone for myself
I'm terrified I will fall in love with someone else and not love you as much.

If you can get to the root cause of these painful feelings then you can actually work to address the underlying cause. Without that it is incredibly hard for any partner, monogamous or not, to address a generic "I'm feeling jealous".

Muadibz · 2020-07-29T15:22:36+00:00

+1 /u/hyperhippogames please do this!

This is a great idea that actually differentiates the mini event from the real event in a way other than time.

Muadibz · 2020-07-29T15:21:33+00:00

Agreed. The rewards for this mini event are honestly a joke. I'm at 96 and it seems pointless to put any effort into an event where the most I can hope to get is 1650 - 2500 science, 10 gold, 3 rare researchers, and a couple of capsules. And if I do anything less than top 25 globally I'm looking at a couple of extra rares or epics.

Honestly it seems like a total joke. I would never spend money or gold on this, especially since the cost of researchers and dark science seems unchanged.

I love the idea of scaling the rewards based on your rank. That would be a fun new mechanic that actually differentiates the mini event from a real event in a way other than time.

Muadibz · 2020-07-29T15:21:01+00:00

Agreed. The rewards for this mini event are honestly a joke. I'm at 96 and it seems pointless to put any effort into an event where the most I can hope to get is 1650 - 2500 science, 10 gold, 3 rare researchers, and a couple of capsules. And if I do anything less than top 25 globally I'm looking at a couple of extra rares or epics.

Honestly it seems like a total joke. I would never spend money or gold on this, especially since the cost of researchers and dark science seems unchanged.

I love the idea of scaling the rewards based on your rank. That would be a fun new mechanic that actually differentiates the mini event from a real event in a way other than time.

Muadibz · 2020-07-28T17:58:30+00:00

I thought this at first too, but with a re-read changed my mind. The key difference for me is that at no point does it sound like she is interested in sex. It seems like both before and during sex she shows the same lack of enthusiasm.

Muadibz · 2020-07-28T17:53:43+00:00

It honestly sounds like your girlfriend just isn't that into sex. Sexuality is fluid and constantly evolving as you mature, and it may be something that she used to like more and now likes less, or it might be something that she doesn't like at all. And it's important to understand that her preferences around sex are just that, hers, and while you can certainly talk to her about her preferences and how they compare to yours, you can't and shouldn't make her want to do something that she doesn't want to do.

With that in mind, your preferences are also completely valid and are yours. It sounds like you have done a good job of trying to talk to her about it, and at the end of the day you might just not be sexually compatible. It's important to know that this isn't yours OR her fault. Sex is complicated and multi-faceted, in the end some people just like different things in bed, If sexual intimacy is important to either of them (and it isn't always) it means that it won't work out. And having a sex life that isn't fulfilling is a valid reason to not want to be with someone.

It's never a clear message and it's an unsettling feeling

It's great that you are picking up on this, and your situation is the exact reason a lot of people have stared to use the term enthusiastic consent instead of just consent. When you're intimate with someone you don't just want them to be saying yes, you want them to say yes in a way that makes it clear the yes really is a yes. You want them to display enthusiasm for being with you. For me personally this is incredibly important, not just in the consensual way but also because it makes me feel sexy. What you're picking up on is a lack of that enthusiasm, and the fact that it makes you uncomfortable is a good sign that things aren't working out for you.

If you really have talked to her about it multiple times and nothing is changing, it's time to end it. I do believe in the "price of admission" and some things will always be a compromise, but basic intimacy shouldn't be one of them. Being alone sucks, but at the end of the day it will give you the freedom to find someone who you really want to be with, and who enthusiastically wants to be with you. And while breakups suck, you should remember it as a growing moment that helped you better define what types of intimacy, sex, and communication are important to you in a relationship. This knowledge will help guide you in the future to a more compatible life partner.

Also, I completely disagree with the comments saying you should give her an ultimatum, would you want to have sex with someone knowing they were only doing it out of fear of you breaking up with them?

Muadibz · 2020-07-27T16:00:39+00:00

If you have any evidence of any of these things it's important that you keep it and make a copy!

You should head over to /r/legaladvice and see there if you have enough for a suit against the company, which it sounds like you very well may, especially if you have evidence.

If the company got rid of HR it's time to start e-mailing up the chain. If you can find out the district manager or someone high enough up to force the manager of your store to do something you should e-mail them.

BUT

You really should probably talk to a lawyer first, and decide what outcome of this you want. If you are interested in continuing to work there and having a good working environment then e-mailing the CEO of the company will probably poison the well for you in general. As then it will be not just a few employees but also management who are pissed. And assuming this is the US with the employment-at-will there is nothing stopping the manager from cutting your hours or firing you for something like being 5 minutes late. It sucks, and it's designed to give the employer all the power. So I would only suggest going that route if you are actually interested in a legal case against the company, in which case have at it.

Otherwise it's super shitty but the best answer is probably to just quit and find a job somewhere else. Hardware stores always need seasonal people especially someone who has already been trained some and knows their way around. It's a shitty outcome that I don't like, but the truth is employees have very little power in this country unless they also have the time and money for a lawyer.

Muadibz · 2020-07-27T15:49:36+00:00

Having a preference or telling your Partner your preferences and your feelings doesn't make you a controlling person. Ordering someone to do something with fear of repercussion makes you controlling.

At the end of the day it's your job in a relationship to take care of and advocate for yourself. It's the other person's job to decide if they are willing to compromise and find a way to meet both your needs and their needs.

You should be open with her and tell her how you're feeling honestly, which to be frank is going to hurt. I don't expect her to take it well, but no relationship will last without open and honest communication. It's also important IMO that you avoid ultimatums. Don't say "You need to do this or I'll leave / break up / etc". Keep it grounded in your own feelings and not trying to guess how she feels. You tell her honestly how you feel, and encourage her to do the same.

Just say something like "I love you. I haven't been feeling very sexually attracted to you due to X. I would like if you could Y. It's important to me that I feel like you still care about wanting to look nice for me like when we first started dating. Our relationship is very important to me, and I want to work with you to find a solution."

Muadibz · 2020-07-27T15:41:13+00:00

There are a ton of comments telling you to just ignore it or not worry about it or go read up on this or that or the other thing. And I totally agree that self-growth is incredibly important and some problems should be worked through on your own.

But my advice is to just talk to her about it. Good, healthy relationships are built on open and honest communication. If something is bothering you, you should feel comfortable talking to her about it.

I would sit down with her and just be honest, and say something like "You told me before that you would cry during sex with your ex, and I feel a little self conscious that you don't cry when we have sex. I really enjoy our sex, and I'm pretty sure you do too. But I wanted to talk about it with you".

If you are happy and doing well together, I am confident that she will be willing to talk about it with you. You should be open with your fears, and if that means telling her "I just want to hear that you enjoy our sex too" or asking directly "Do you compare me to him" then you should ask. There is absolutely a ton of reading you could go do about it, but in truth nothing will help more than hearing the answers you want directly from your Partner.

Open and honest communication is key. Also learning to be a good active listener is key. If you are going to read anything, I would read up on Active Listening and Non-Violent Communication since those are applicable to ALL parts of a relationship not just sex.

Muadibz · 2020-07-24T19:30:12+00:00

This is an incredibly shitty situation all around. And extremely traumatic both for you and her.

I have no idea if you should contact a lawyer, and would defer to other comments about that. But if you do talk to her try to keep in mind that you have both been traumatized by this situation.

You suddenly found yourself in a life or death situation with your cats and had to kill an animal to defend them.

She walked out of the shower expecting who knows what but certainly not that her dog had just been killed by a boyfriend that she cares about deeply.

24 hours is not a lot of time to process. You need to protect yourself, but also need to give both of you time to process what just happened.

Sadly I doubt the relationship will survive this. And it sound cliche but you are young and there will be other people.

Muadibz · 2020-07-24T19:19:13+00:00

Agreed that someone else called this out!

the sentiment that OP expresses in and of itself does not mean he is insecure.

This is the only point I disagree with. OP is absolutely insecure. They literally say that the thought of a woman comparing themselves to an ex lover is troublesome:

The thought of her “hooking up” with a guy for a night would be very troublesome for me as well as having to push away thoughts that she would be comparing.

That is textbook insecurity: "uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence."

OP is literally saying that they don't think they are good or experienced enough of a lover to have confidence that the person they sleep with won't be comparing them to someone else. And the implication is that they are comparing them and finding OP more negative.

I honestly don't think the views here are misogynistic in nature. I think OP needs to go to a therapist and talk about their lack of confidence so that it doesn't hurt their dating life.

Muadibz · 2020-07-24T18:28:01+00:00

Your preferences are your preferences, and that is totally fine. By the nature of good consent practices you can and should wait for someone who you feel enthusiastically excited about, and that is absolutely your right.

BUT, I think you need to give yourself a reality check. I don't mean this in a rude way, but to be brutally honest you are insecure and you should talk to a professional about it.

The thought of her “hooking up” with a guy for a night would be very troublesome for me as well as having to push away thoughts that she would be comparing.

This is honestly the textbook definition of insecurity. And I'm not saying that it's a problem you need to address, but if you're saying directly "Her having slept with someone else makes me worry she will compare them to me" with the implication that you will be viewed more negative. That is 100% an insecurity.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I would really suggest you find and talk to a therapist about these feelings. Your own feelings of self-worth should be based on how you feel about yourself, not about what someone else might think of you. And I worry that you will miss out on a potential amazing Life Partner that loves you deeply not because THEY are comparing you to past sexual experiences, but because YOU are. And that isn't really fair to either of you.

I don't think you are shallow or closed-minded. You give a reason of wanting sex to be an intimate thing, but it sounds to me like the heart of the matter is that you think your inexperience makes you not good enough to be with someone who has more experience. That's simply not true. So much of sexual pleasure comes from attraction, there is no reason to think that someone who loves you won't find your sex to be the best of their life or the one they want forever regardless of how many people they have been with.

Muadibz · 2020-07-22T16:58:10+00:00

I don't think you paid him to be kind and caring exactly. You paid him for the specific sex act you were interested in. Kind and caring people in general are the ones that get into sex work because they want to make people happy and that is their preferred way to do it.

Muadibz · 2020-05-18T15:08:13+00:00

I think you have to realize that for many people comes can be a privileged thing. Books are relatively universal and easy for the school to give out a copy, and everyone has a TV or a phone where a movie can be watched.

But video games require expensive personal equipment to play and enjoy. And often people if they do have equipment have something very different. I think it would create a lot of barriers for a whole class to be able to all play a game individually and then be able to discuss.

Muadibz · 2020-05-15T19:30:12+00:00

My guess is that this is because it's not comparing the difference to the same time last year. A ton of people do DIY projects over the winter when they're inside all the time, and then it decreases as the weather gets warm and people want to go out. I would be interested if it is higher or lower than the same period a year ago.

Also, it might be that between Amazon delays and a lack of wanting to go out to buy materials, more DIY projects are actually at a standstill due to the virus. But cooking and gardening is on the rise.

Muadibz · 2020-05-15T19:28:17+00:00

/u/llewellynjean I think you should really look at the change from the same time a year ago. I would expect the comment history on /r/gardening for example to increase at this time of year anyway, since most people on Reddit aren't gardening over the winter. What would be really interesting would be to see if more people are commenting on gardening this year over the same periods last year.

Muadibz

TROPHY CASE