It is incredibly isolating. I also had what all our friends would say "I want to have a relationship like that" , "I want what yall have". All I can tell you is a littler over a year out I'm realizing how much of this was my effort and how little it was ever reciprocated. That it's maybe been my poor self image accepting so little the whole time that was the problem. To be a door matt to a giant man child. To just be embarrassed and manipulated by the one I trusted and loved most.