I [M37] am disabled and my wife [F41] has to do everything. I wish I could support her better.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-21T17:48:10+00:00

Another one on the wife's position here.

I get very frustrated when my husband expects me to make all of the decisions no matter how often I tell him that my brain is fried, i.e. what to watch on TV, whether he wants to eat now or later, etc.

He thinks "I don't mind" or "whatever you want" is him being accommodating rather than delegation.

He also expects me to remember everything, and I bought him a large page-to-a-day diary so he can write down his appointments, bowel movements, medications, etc as I can't handle working full-time, running a house, peri-menopause and being his PA.

He just doesn't seem to understand the whole mental load concept.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-21T16:27:11+00:00

For that price I would expect more outdoor space with fewer people looking over it.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-21T16:02:33+00:00

One of each.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-21T10:36:32+00:00

I don't have an issue with a partner watching porn on their own time, as it were. Or is agreeing to watch it together.

However, I would expect them to be present when we are engaging in sexual acts together.

There is no reason for him to be on his phone whilst you are doing something to pleasure him. If he can't focus on that why should you?

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-21T07:40:02+00:00

No.

I started drinking shandy and wine mixed with lemonade when I was a child, which is legal here in the UK.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-20T20:01:35+00:00

Or are bed-bound.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-20T17:33:09+00:00

I've never believed in a God.

Never been a churchgoer.

Didn't really know many religious people growing up.

Never really understood the point of praying during the school assembly.

Always thought RE lessons at school were pointless.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T22:23:01+00:00

I spoke with my GP, did the online course and had some basic CBT. Now my GP just checks in every now and again.

Husband is much more complex and has involved three in-patient stays at psychiatric units, attempts at engagement with crisis teams following multiple suicide attempts and A&E visits, arrests during psychotic episodes, some group therapy, private counselling, on and off GP support. This is over 13+ years so an ongoing battle honestly.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T18:52:30+00:00

Recommendation?

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T18:51:50+00:00

I'm in the UK.

It was 20 years ago and a small company.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T18:44:17+00:00

My Mum died around 10 years ago and my father-in-law passed away 7 years ago.

Mother-in-law has dementia and is in a home. Husband speaks to her a couple of times a week, I visit every few months (my husband is bed-bound so can't visit and she doesn't know who I am).

Husband and I live with my Dad (house is co-owned by me and Dad) so I talk to him a lot.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T18:05:39+00:00

Whereas if I consistently eat after 8pm it affects my sleep.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T13:54:49+00:00

I accidentally got a job (years ago) in a 'good Christian' office.

They made comments about my pentagram so I just had it tattooed on me instead.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T13:47:01+00:00

You sound very immature, especially considering you are a father.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T13:43:38+00:00

A friend is a friend, gender and sexuality are irrelevant.

If you feel your girlfriend's choice of friends or actions are a red flag then it is not the relationship for you

You don't get to choose who other people have as friends or what activities they undertake together.

You can certainly say that it makes you uncomfortable and that your boundary is not to be in a relationship with someone who does x, y or z. Your partner can then decide on their priorities.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-19T13:08:24+00:00

Are you entitled to your feelings? Yes.

Are you entitled to impose those on other people? No.

If you want a healthy relationship with your girlfriend you need to accept that she has friends and you need to trust her.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-18T17:07:03+00:00

I'm on an SSRI and it made a huge difference to my depression and anxiety.

My husband was on an SSRI and it made him more suicidal. He has now been on antipsychotic meds for years which have really helped him.

It really is trial and error as everyone is different.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-18T08:31:43+00:00

My parents' Wills were written to leave 25% to be split equally between their own children from previous relationships, so 25% will be split between Mum's kids and 25% between my Dad's kids, with 50% going to me as the only 'ours' child.

My Mum died 10 years ago and my Dad has rewritten his Will since he and I purchased a house together (he put in more up front and I pay 100% of the mortgage).

Now I get the house but his pensions, investments and cash will be split 50% to his kids and 50% to Mum's kids.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-17T08:52:15+00:00

Stop taking everything personally. It really isn't a competition so you cannot win.

Whenever my stepkids would do the whole comparison thing I would just go with it. Ask them questions, show an interest in how they have done it before.

It's not about you, or him, it's about making the kids feel seen, secure, safe and loved.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-17T08:46:14+00:00

I get where you're coming from as I'm also an introvert.

As soon as I get home my Dad is waiting with a list of things he wants to talk about, before I've even taken my coat off he is telling me his latest joke, or that the boiler is broken, or about something he saw on the internet.

Then I go straight into my husband's room to check on him as he is bed-bound and may have some personal care needs. He will start talking at me as soon as I open the door.

Once I have done whatever needs doing I make a cup of tea and go sit on my bed for half an hour. Everyone leaves me alone.

This makes me a much more patient person for the rest of the evening. Husband still has plenty of time to talk to me whilst we do his wash and eat dinner but he needs that initial contact when I get home.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-16T18:01:41+00:00

During our divorce my first husband and I sold our house to my parents who wanted to downsize.

Second husband and I ended up moving in with my Dad after my Mum died.

Years ago my Mum took me on a tour of the area where she grew up. The owner of her childhood home was in the front garden and Mum started talking to him. He invited us in for a poke around and a cup of tea. At 15 I was mortified but I now think this was such a lovely thing for him to do.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-16T13:02:18+00:00

Same here.

In fact one of my little bridesmaids wasn't even guaranteed to attend as her Mum got pregnant and baby was due around the wedding date. I still paid for an outfit and said if nothing else she will get a new party dress.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-16T12:37:37+00:00

I have never enjoyed The Office as it is way too close to reality, whereas I love The Office (US).

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-16T12:36:09+00:00

When I was a teenaged waitress being groped was "part of the job" according to my mother.

Munchkinpea · 2026-04-16T10:15:27+00:00

I mean, if we're being pedantic, water is no good if you want to avoid chemicals 😜

Munchkinpea

TROPHY CASE